They say it's your birthday

I would like to wish my friend, Hubman, a Happy 40th Birthday! I promise you don't look a day over 25!

If you get a chance, please go over and wish him a Happy Birthday, too!

On a separate note, I suck at keeping up with this blog. It's not that I don't have time, I just haven't thought of much to say. There's been some things going on with me that concerned me, but they're ok according to the doctor. Other than that, Me, Ethan and Joe are all doing well.

I promise I'll write more soon. Very soon! I hope all is well with everyone!

Shitty Day Already

Our dog, Missy, somehow cut her leg wide open last Friday evening. She's stitched up with a splint and is not supposed to be active. Because we need to make sure that she's staying put, we're letting her sleep in bed with us. Last night she was on Joe's side of the bed, on top of the covers. This caused me to have to fight ALL NIGHT LONG for the blanket.

I woke up for the millionth time 15 minutes before the alarm went off and said, "Fuck it!" I crawled over Joe and felt something cold, wet and mushy on my leg. I jumped (on one leg) out of bed and said, "OH HELL NO!" as I frantically searched for the light switch. Joe jumped up and said, "What?" I turned on the light to find 2 big piles of brown dog vomit. That vomit was all over my leg. That vomit seeped through the comforter and sheets, all the way into the mattress pad. Fucking.gross!

Then I had my annual appointment with the coochie doctor. Since I moved about a year ago, I needed to find a new doctor. I'm in the stirrups, trying to be a cool cucumber, but all you ladies know that's a facade. He's doing my digital vaginal exam when he pulls out, has the nurse squirt more lube on his fingers, and then tells me he's going to give me a rectal exam AS HE'S STICKING HIS FINGER IN MY ASS! SURPRISE!!! Now, it's not the practice of all GYN's to do rectal exams. I have been to several and have never had this done. However, it's not uncommon either. Especially not for this guy.

After having my boobs played with, and the holes of my nether regions violated, I walked out to my car. What did I find? A big ass dent on the rear driver's side door. Hit and fucking run! Thankfully there was a note stuck in my wiper of a good samaritan. She gave a description of the van along with the plate number and the company's name and phone number. That's right, it was a company vehicle. Dumbass.

I immediately called the company and told them what happened. They verified that the driver was at my location and said they'd take care of it. I'm supposed to send them 2 estimates today. I've faxed them a request for written confirmation of our phone conversation in which the guy said they'd pay for the damages. Hopefully they'll honor their word rather than dick me over.

All of this happened before 11:00 a.m.

What a fucking day, huh?

But I suppose it could be worse. I could've gotten eaten alive by a pack of wild chimpanzees.

Deep Throat of the Day: You gotta prep the butt for entry.

Who ya gonna call?

Ethan keeps bugging me for a cell phone. He's 11. Actually, he's been asking me for one since he was 8 because a friend of mine got one for her 8 y/o son. I think it's ridiculous for an 11 y/o (or younger) to have a cell phone. Yet many of the children in Ethan's grade (6th), and younger, have one. It boggles my mind as to why children under the age of 16-17 would need a cell phone. I mean, in reality none of us NEED a cell phone. We all got by without one growing up. Shit, I didn't even have one until I was 24. But these days I could see why it would be feasible to get one for your busy teen. But not any younger.

Apparently, I'm one of only a few parents who feels this way. I was picking Ethan up from school on Friday and I stopped to let a big group of kids cross in front of me. As I was watching, I saw many of them pulling out their cell phones. Ethan said, "SEE! Those kids have phones and they're in 4th grade!" I replied, "Well, I'm not their mom. Plus, there is no reason for them to have phones." He said, "Yes there is. It's cool."

Ahhhh, COOOOOL. Well he's going to have to find a different way to be COOL because I refuse to give in to this bullshit. WHY? When he's at home, we have a house phone. At his dad's, a house phone too. School, they have phones in every classroom if he ever HAS to call anyone. When he's with me or Joe in the car, we each have a phone. When he goes to a friends, they have house phones and parents with cell phones (and I know all those numbers as well). He doesn't need a phone. Period.

I know he doesn't want it to make calls. He wants it just to have it. And I'm not going to get him one just so he can *have* one.

It's not like phones are cheap, either. Once you buy the phone, you have to pay for it monthly. That monthly amount would sky rocket when you add insurance because you KNOW they're going to break or lose the phone. Then add unlimited EVERYTHING because no one wants to get stuck paying $5 per minute or $2 per text in overages.

I just don't get it. Why are so many parents buying their young kids cell phones? I think it's because they're spoiled and this is just another way to give them a stronger sense of entitlement. But I could be wrong. What do you guys think?

(If you're a parent and you've bought your young child a cell phone and this post offended you? I don't care and I'll make no apologies. Thankyouverymuch.)

Deep Throat of the Day: Ghost Busters! DUH!!

Mazel Tov!!!!

I went to my first Jewish wedding yesterday. And let me tell you, it was a BLAST!! The ceremony was short and sweet. The Rabbi made jokes that were actually funny and sang in Hebrew. I even got my very own yarmulke with the bride and groom's names printed on it.

There were plenty of free drinks (yay for mimosa's) and great food. The ceremony and reception were held in a very nice country club. Decorations were classy and the bride and groom looked very happy the whole time. The D.J. was awesome and brought along an announcer who made sure everyone was on the dance floor, having fun. There were so many photographers and videographers that it felt like a television production. And I got to say MAZEL TOV for the first time with meaning!!

The best part of the whole thing? When the bride had the Washington Capitals mascot, Slap Shot, walk her down the aisle.

There's only 2 negative things that I have to say. The first is that I was drinking drunk in the middle of the day (YAY for mimosas). Second, the wedding took place on a Sunday....during football season! I would never do that to anyone, because we all know that Sunday's are for football. =)

Deep Throat of the Day: Joe and I are thinking about converting to Judaism just to have that Rabbi marry us. He was the shit!

Still my Boogie Woogie

Last week Ethan brought a paper home from school, inviting parents to eat a Thanksgiving lunch with their kids. I asked Ethan if he wanted me to go, since he's getting to that age when having your parents around isn't cool. He said, "That's OK, Mom. You don't have to." Which REALLY means, "Um, HELL NO! I don't want my mom all up in my shit, cramping my style."

Fast forward to today. At approximately 10:55 this morning, Ethan called me at work. Immediately bad thoughts went through my mind because it's never good when you get a phone call from the school.

Me: "Hello?"
Ethan: "Hey Mommy."
Me: "Hey Bud, is everything OK?"
Ethan: "Yeah, don't worry. Today is the Thanksgiving lunch. Are you going to come?"
Me: "I thought you didn't want me to?"
Ethan: "Well you can come if you want."
Me: "I'm only going to come if you want me there."
Ethan: "I'd like it if you did."

AWWWWWWWWW. Make my heart melt! My boy still wants his Mommy to have lunch with him. He just made my whole week and he doesn't even know it! I even got a hug and kiss on the cheek!!!! I'm the luckiest woman in the world!!!

Deep Throat of the Day: Momma's don't let your babies grow up to be assholes.

Expectations: Men vs. Women

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given was: Never expect anything because you'll only set yourself up for disappointment. Now, of course that advice doesn't apply to everything because sometimes expectations are needed. But sometimes in relationships that advice is true.

Ladies, have you ever played out a scenario in your head only to have it not go as planned? Or have you ever expected a certain reaction to something and got a completely different reaction? In either situation did you find yourself disappointed or maybe even upset with your significant other? Maybe not ALL women do this, but a lot of women I know do, including myself sometimes.

The reason why that piece of advice seems to ring true in many cases is because a situation gets blown up like a gigantic balloon in our heads. We usually keep it to ourselves or share it with our girlfriends and when it doesn't go as planned, that balloon gets blown up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghost Busters. The situation may not have gone wrong, but it didn't go EXACTLY as you had planned it in your head.

The problem with doing this is that the other person isn't a mind reader. He doesn't know what your expectations are. And you're certainly NOT going to tell him, because you want his genuine reaction. The reaction wouldn't be genuine if you TOLD him what you were planning in your head, right? But then if his genuine reaction is even slightly less or completely different than what you'd expected, you're disappointed and possibly even mad at him.

I don't know why, but it seems that this is only true for women. If men do this, I've not come across one who has admitted it.

So tell me guys, do you do this or do your s/o's do this? And ladies, feel free to add to this discussion as well.

Deep Throat of the Day: BLAH!

Let's make sexy time

I was given the opportunity to review the Wireless Techno Arouser which is a vibrating penis ring. And if you guys have been reading this blog for a while, you know I LOOOVE me some vibrating cock rings that offer clitoral stimulation!

THIS, my friends, is the Wireless Techno Lover. Please note the Wireless part of the title. (YAY for no wires!) It's made of phthalates free TPR silicone/jelly, which means that it should be used with a water based lube. It's also very easy to clean. A little bit of soap (or toy cleaner) and warm water and you're good to go. There's also little nubby things on the top to help with stimulation. (AMEN for nubby things!)

Here is the watch battery and the bullet-like object. It's easy to put these together. You simply put the watch battery into the bullet and screw the top on. The screw top is what makes it turn on and off. Screwed in all the way turns it on. Unscrew it a little and it turns off.

Once you have the vibrating mechanism assembled, you insert it into the hole on the top portion of the back side. Then you place the little plug, as shown next to the toy, into the hole. This protects the vibrating mechanism from any lube or juices getting inside. Because it's encased within the toy, the noise level is very quiet.

As you can see, it's VERY stretchy and should comfortably fit most cocks. Joe had no complaints concerning the fit. He also said that the vibration offered some stimulation for him, too.

What I like the most about this toy over other cock rings that are supposed to offer clitoral stimulation is the size. Most other cock rings only have something small that vibrates and it sits closer to the base of the penis. This, as you can see, has a much larger surface area that sits several inches above the base of the penis. This means that there's less time spent trying to position my clit right on the vibration. I can hop on top and it will hit the toy every time I bring my hips down onto him or vice versa.

OR you can put it on your favorite toy. Whether it's on a toy or on a penis, it's definitely the best cock ring I've ever used because of it's ease to stimulate my clit. I absolutely LOVE my clit being stimulated simultaneously with my G spot.

This is by far the BEST vibrating cock ring I've ever tried. If you want to get one of your own GO HERE NOW. I would also like to thank Eden Fantasys for giving me the opportunity to review this amazing piece of vibrating silicone!