Thursday, September 29, 2005

Booby Man

My son has told me that he's going to be a booby man when he grows up. Surprised, I look at him and ask, "What do you mean, a booby man?" He says, "You know, a boooooby man. You're either a butt man or a booby man and I'm going to be a booby man." Now I'm just shocked that a 7 year old, MY 7 year old, knows of such choices and even more dumb-founded as to how he's made up his mind already. So I ask him, "Ethan, who told you that?" He said, "I heard it when you were watching Friends the other day." So now I've switched from feeling shocked to feeling like I've exposed my son to some kind of mental corruption that I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

I can see it now, in middle school I'll be getting notes sent home saying that Ethan has been harassing the girls with a Boob-o-Meter that he's invented to rate them on a scale of 1-10. I picture this Boob-o-Meter resembling that thing used to pinch your back-fat and measure your body fat percentage. Instead of pinching back-fat it pinches boobies. Then in high school, I see him getting expelled for hiding in the girls locker room to watch them getting undressed. He'll base his girlfriends on the size of their boobs.

So then I asked him (because I was curious as to how he came up with that decision), "Why do you want to be a booby man and not a butt man?" He looked at my eyes then down at my chest, "Because I like boobies. When I was a baby you used to feed me milk from them, and at night when we snuggle before you put me to bed I like to rest my head on your boobies because they're soft. I just like boobies."

Dear God, I've created a monster. A booby lovin' monster.

15 comments:

Kira said...

Haha! Well, can't be worse than my son who, at four, loves to give women Boobie Kisses...

I breastfed him too. Do you see the issue here, April? Great tits + breastfeed your son = boob man! That's why we've got boobie boys!

hotdrwife said...

Paging AncientMariner to a white courtesy phone. AncientMariner, to a white courtesy phone.

Johnny said...

Well I guess I need to take a page out of this seven year old's book.

:)

schmims said...

I thought that the obsession came from bottle babies who didn't get there time in as an infant.

I'll be expecting a post soon about how you got kicked out of the PTA. :)

Johnny said...

u got kicked from the PTA???

omgno hahahhahaaa

april said...

Kira-Boobie kisses?? Oh my. Yeah we've raised little perverts. =)

Hottie-AM hasn't made it here yet, because you know he'd be hooked just by reading the title.

Johnny-You must be a butt man, huh?

Schmims-There you go, now you've got Johnny thinking I've been kicked out of the PTA!

Johnny-No, not yet. Actually, I'm not even on the PTA. They're meetings are always during the day, like I'm the only fucking mom who works.

dukethor said...

Actually, you're in better shape than you may think.

The more he's exposed to things like this (and if your reactions stay the same), chances are that he'll see this as something "normal", and will less likely to be a "pervert". In fact, he'll probably end up having more respect for women and their "gifts".

Just an opinion.

Mr Vholes said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's even better on the parenting scale then when I taught my daughter to say "fuck!"

More of an ass man, myself, though. Just so everyone knows.

Maine said...

Seven year old boys are well into the boobie-appreciating part of their life. He's quite normal. I remember lusting after the sacred tit at that age too (though I never once associated my appreciation for boobs with breast-feeding).

It's just sad that he's making such a wrong decision so early in his life. The ass is clearly the way to go for many, many, many reasons.

cookie monster said...

lol, your son doesnt sound weird at all he sounds like a very intelligent and well adjusted lad! nothing wrong with appreciating bongoes!

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