Friday, September 16, 2005

Grumpy Butt

That's what I am today. I'm so damn bitchy that you'd think it was Monday. I think it's a combination of being tired and just overly irritated by the assholes I work with. So what I'm about to write is going to probably sound really mean, but I can assure you that every bit of it is oh so true.

The Yenta and the back-stabbing, two-faced evil bitch (we'll call EB) who sits behind her, are turned around whispering to each other a good portion of the day. Need I remind you these are GROWN WOMEN! I feel like I'm in fucking high school sometimes. These are the two women who were reading my old blog, and are probably conjuring up some sort of evil plot to get back at me for my last post directed towards them. If that one embarrassed them, then I can't imagine how they'd feel if they came across this.

The following is going to be juvenile, catty, asinine, petty, completely rude, and probably uncalled for, but it's going to feel SOOOO good to write it. And today, I just don't give a shit!

I'm going to start with the Yenta. She's an old, high maintenance bitty who financially doesn't need to work but does just to get on my nerves. Exactly how or what does she do to get on my nerves? Well it could be her god awful, glass breaking cackle, her snooty talk about The Red Hat Society, her discussions with EB about the $500 suits she's purchased for her can-do-no-wrong daughter, her constant hawk-eye watch of my every move, the line of orange face make-up she's got around her jaw line, her June Cleaver bouffant that she absolutely MUST get done every Thursday during lunch, her my-shit-don't-stink demeanor towards most of the people we work with, and her inability to mind her own fucking business. Other than that, she's nice.

As for EB. She's your typical hypocrite who claims to be a Christian because she attends church on Sundays. However, if she were really a Christian she'd stop being such a lying, conniving, bitch who's always acting somewhat tyrannical because she's a big bad "team leader." She's a superficial douche bag who needs to throw away these Gloria Vanderbilt jeans she wears EVERY FRIDAY. Not only do they come clear up to her tits, but they give her severe camel toe, they make her look like she's preparing for a flood, and they're so tight on her ass that her panty lines dig in enough to make it look like a tube of Pillsbury Biscuits just popped open. Other than that, she's still a fucking bitch.

I'm going to throw She Man (SM) into this post too, because, well I'm feeling extra bitchy and she's pissed me off lately. SM has a mustache, hence the name She Man. She's got this extra fold of belly skin that hangs down to her crotch. As for work, she doesn't know what the fuck she's doing, and will tell you that no one ever showed her how to do something that I know I've showed her at least 3 times before. She gets an attitude when you ask her to fix her own mistakes. And she wears these nasty, smelly, flip-flop like (but not flip-flops) shoes that annoy the fuck out of me when she struts her Quasimodo ass around the office. THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP... Other than that, she's ugly.

Thank you, Blogland. You've been so therapeutic for me. Really.


Anonymous said...

Flip-floppy shoes in the office = instant death.

FWIW, speaking as someone who has been on the management side of the fence, everybody who matters probably knows exactly what those women are like. You get massive goodwill points for every week you go without descending to their level.

Anonymous said...

Loves me some blog-therapy. I also love that comment on your old blog. Clever fellow, that Mac Daddy. Whoever he is.

cookie monster said...

felling a little bit bitchy are we april? remind me never to get on your bad side!

fyrchk said...




That just made my day.

hotdrwife said...

This always happens. I start to miss working and being around adults, then I read something like this and I remember why I'm not ...


dukethor said...

Ok, I'm sorry, but this had to be said...

Please, quit holding back and tell us how you really feel.

BTW, when my wife gets home, I'm going to hold her down and make her read this. She needs it more than I do. :)

Maine said...

Those Red Hat Society bitches are scary as hell. I was once at a Golden Corral up near your neck of yonder and a gaggle of them came in and sat together at one table.

They were acting all high-falutin' and holier than thou to everyone they came across. They talked down to the wait staff. They giggled at passers-by who were dressed oddly. They made faces at people who piled a lot of food on their plate. All because they're the classiest bitches on the planet, as evidenced by their coordination of red hats.

Meanwhile... they were in a Golden Corral! With me!! How classy and rich-bitch are you gonna be while scarfing jalapeno poppers at an $8 all you can eat buffet? OHH! Why?! Get over yourselves!!!

april said...

AM-OFF WITH HER HEAD!! I wish everybody who mattered knew exactly what those women were like. Unfortunatly, they don't really see what goes on back in our office area, so these women can do no wrong. As a matter of fact, EB started dating this guy who happened to be a patient at one of our family practice offices. She went to that office, pulled his medical chart, and found out that he was married to one of the nurses who just so happened to be working at that same office. She broke the law, and violated HIPPA regulations. You'd think she'd of gotten fired, right? Yeah, she's not only still employed there, but she's still a team leader. This place is fucked up.

Macca-That Mac Daddy cracks me up sometimes, I tell ya.

Cookie-Only my co-workers and husband piss me off this badly. So if you don't want to get on my bad side, don't come work with me or marry me! Ha ha! :)

Fyrchk-You know how it is!! But I'm glad I could make your day.

Hottie-I'm sorry, but I don't think you could work anywhere that has bitches like these.

Duke-Did your wife like it?

Maine-I had never heard of them until Yenta started boasting about being a member. At least the ones you saw actually ate at a Golden Corral, I don't think this bitch and her fellow bitches would even step in one.

Kira said...

Rats! I can't marry her because I don't want her pissed at me ;)

I have had more issues with annoying women at workplaces than annoying men. Not that men can't be pissheads at work too, but they tend to not do the snide gossipy nosy crappola that the (especially older) chicks do.

hotdrwife said...

I've worked with some real wretched people before, and funny, it was in the coding dept. But really, you take the cake on stories!

Jezzy said...

That's one of the most hilarious rants I've ever read!

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