Friday, October 21, 2005

Because I entertain myself

I'm going to share my comment on Clairebell's latest post. After reading it again I've decided that after years of talking to myself, I'm my own best source of comedy. Everyone else just tells me that I ain't right, but I crack myself the fuck up sometimes. So the following is my somewhat amusing comment regarding the Virginia Tech vs. Maryland game last night.......


Ok, I want to first start off by saying that I'm not a fan of VT or the Terps. Having said that, hopefully you know that the rest of this comment is completely unbiased and in no way intended to start an argument or cause a nose bleed from too much cranial pressure. *this derived from Clairebell's strong dislike for MD*

Did you see the game last night? Here are some things that I would just like to point out.

1) Hey Ralph, if your kicker falls short on a 30 yard field goal attempt, he's PROBABLY not going to make it from 40 yards either. Just my opinion, but what do I know right?

2) The football Gods are washing their hands of the Terps for the rest of the season. Why, you ask? Because with as many opportunities they were blessed with against the #3 team in the fucking country, they only scored 9 damn points.

The QB God: "I made Vick throw how many interceptions, and those little fuckers couldn't bring the ball into the endzone! That's the last time I do that!"

The Fumble God: "NO SHIT! I gave them how many fumble recoveries? Fuck them, I'm going to Oklahoma. Those Sooners are horrible this year."

The Kicker God: "DAMN YOU GUYS!! Why didn't you wake me up? You know the Terps kicker only got on the team because he likes to take one for the team, if you know what I mean!"

The Officials God: "I was going to help last night, but I was having too much fun watching those dumbasses look like idiots. I know I should've had them call that one play in the endzone a fumble for VT so MD could get the touchback, but the dumb look on their faces was priceless!"

The Coaches God: "Any of you know a good plastic surgeon? I really need to get that thing on Beamer's face fixed."

The Baseball God: "Umm, HELLLLO!! The World Series is here. How about those White Sox?"

3) I still stand firm that I would do Kirk Herbstreit *yummy* while on the set of College Game Day right on the desk, on air.

Ok, I've said enough. OH, except I'd just like to throw in that I have absolutely NO faith in the Packers this weekend against Minnesota. Does that make me a bad fan? *Clairebell has reassured me that it does not make me a bad fan as long as I cheer for them during the game. Which I will be doing, naked.*


That's it. Now you see why I only crack myself up, don't you?


The Lily said...

Well naked just DOUBLES (if not triples) your appeal and rating as a fan as I take it all those football gods are male. ;)


april said...

If watching Brett while I'm naked helps him do good in his worst element, then OFF WITH MY CLOTHES!

Yes ma'am, the football gods are all male. For many, many reasons that I'm not going to get into for fear of the male readers hating me. All I'm gonna say is if they were female, the tuck rule would be changed!

*smooches back at ya babe!*

Anonymous said...

MMmmm April nekkid... on EPSN... lol

Maine said...

I swear to the Blogger God, I've never laughed so hard.

I'm just picturing all these gods sitting around in a circle on Mount Olympus, watching the game through a pool of water, throwing their hands in the air in frustration.

You think the Fumble God gets pissed off when they wrongly overturn his fumbles after watching the replay?

Amanda said...

Hmm, Matthew and Kirk? I commend you on your excellent selection of men!!

(Can't comment on football...I only understand touchdowns, field goals, and hot players.)

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