Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Can't think of a title

I know it's Tuesday and I usually reserve my football talk for Monday, but I just want to throw my 2 cents in about the game last night.

I like the Steelers and I was hoping they would win, but I also like the Chargers and thought they could use another win against a good team to keep their momentum going. Maybe even make it to the play-offs. The game was actually a good game. Both teams have different strengths and weakness' but they even each other out making them on an almost equal level. With the Steelers defense stopping the Chargers running game, Breeze had a lot of pressure on him and made some bad plays. By the time their offense got on track with the Steelers defense, it was too late. Big Ben got injured late in the game, which will really hurt Pittsburgh if he doesn't return for a while. Anyway, the Steelers kicker, Reed, is apparently not a part of the kicker conspiracy to shank field goals because he came back with seconds left to kick a 40 yard, game winning, field goal. To those of you who voted on Bill Cowher as the meanest looking NFL coach, you should have seen some of the faces he made last night. He was so pissed at some of the officials calls he was spitting as he yelled. Yuck!

Anyway, I have to be honest about something. It may sound mean to some, but it's how I feel and I'm tired of thinking it and not saying it. You know when people die you always hear, "At least he/she is in a better place now." No matter who it is that died or what they've done good or bad, someone says it. Usually a family member or close friend. I've been to a couple of funerals when I've thought to myself, "Yeah, if hell is considered a better place than earth."

My husband had a friend who was a piece of shit. He never kept a job, he was always fucked up on something, and always wanted to fight someone. A couple of years ago, this guy overdosed on heroin after being up for 3 days on coke and drinking since 10 am the morning of his death. He passed out and choked on his vomit. Yes it's sad for his parents, I couldn't imagine burying my child. But come on, to glorify him when he's dead (from an OVERDOSE) and think that he's gone to a better place (because he OVERDOSED) is just bullshit. After his death my husband and his friends were sitting around talking about all of "good" memories they had of him. I felt horrible because I wanted to say, "The only memories I have are of him all fucked up, coming into my house when my parents were over and trying to start a fight with my stepdad. I remember that he came over drunk one night and needed a place to crash and he pissed all over my sons bed. I remember that he walked right into my house when he was fucked up and started yelling at me asking where my husband was. I remember that he always had a black eye from calling people the N word. I remember that I didn't like him and he wasn't allowed in my house anymore. I remember that he didn't have a job because he couldn't pass a piss test. I remember that I can't remember anything good about this guy." I know that sounds bad, but I'm not going to lie to myself and make him out to be something that he wasn't. I'm not going to be mad at the person who sold him the heroin, like everyone else was. That person is not responsible for his death, he chose to buy it. Not that selling drugs is ok, but you know the consequences of drugs when you do them. We don't blame the car salesman who sold a car to someone who got into a fatal accident in it.

Why is it that when someone dies, people always want to place blame and find fault in someone else rather than accepting that person and their flaws? I have no pity for people who die from drugs or suicide. Maybe that's cold, but it's how I feel.

I wonder if his parents actually think that he's in heaven. Maybe he is, I don't know and it's not for me to decide. But if there really is a heaven and hell and if I were a gambling woman, I'd bet that he didn't make it through the pearly gates.

6 comments:

mikey said...

everybody dies. it's not always a tragedy. period.

Kira said...

If you want to be a smart ass (like I am) you can do as I would/do under similar circumstances. Smile at them sweetly and say WE are at a better place instead of HE is at a better place. Then don't explain.

Well...aren't you? I mean, he's not over to piss on your son's bed any more. His death means you're in a better place! What the fuck was your ex doing being friends with a guy like that and even ALLOWING him near your son??? What, a moral lesson? "If you do drugs, you will be a loser like THIS one day!"

april said...

He's been friends with that guy since they were kids. When him and his friends got into high school my husband got into sports and his friends got into drugs. The pissing on Ethan's bed thing I chalked up to alcohol, but when he tried to fight my stepdad and then later that night came barging into my house yelling, that was when I told my husband he was not allowed over anymore.

Ethan wasn't in his room when his friend pissed on the bed, I had let him sleep with us.

Don't get me wrong, death is sad, but some people do it to themselves. I don't think these people should be remembered as good. Why do all of their wrongs become transparent?

schmims said...

I had a good friend in college who committed suicide . Cocaine related. Read post titled "climb to safety" if you get that bored.

I agree with you that it was his choice to do drugs in the first place. I just read the book "A Million Little Pieces", a memoir of an addict and alcoholic. He has the same stance that he chose to start. But there is also the addict side where even when he wanted to quit, he couldn't on his own. He doesn't believe in God, so he didn't do the 12 steps in rehad. He realized that he had the choice, to use or not to use and he didn't want to do that anymore becasue he was hurting himself and the people around him.

I don't blame you for not remembering anything good about him. You might not have know him before this all started. More than anything, I think it's just sad.

Opaco said...

Part One: I love the Chargers. Always the underdog. I have been a fan since the days of Dan Fouts. But the Steelers are there too. I was just glad it was a good game. Monday nights are always so boring lately.

Part Two: I agree with the commentors on this one. You don't HAVE to feel remorse for the guy. But you are right in feeling the way you do for his parents. They are the ones suffering the loss in the long run. But who knows, maybe they are giving a breath of relief now too.

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