Thursday, October 20, 2005

A Letter to the Charmin Toilet Paper People

Dear Charmin Head Honcho Man,

Yes, I know you're a man because if you were a woman I'm certain a letter would not be necessary. I'm writing this to express my rather irritating issue with your toilet tissue.

First I would like to say that your toilet paper does live up to it's advertising for being very soft. After all no one likes to wipe their ass with rough toilet paper, also what some refer to as "John Wayne Wipes." However, your toilet papers softness doesn't make up for the toilet paper balls (tp balls) left behind after wiping. These tp balls stay lurking in the moist crevices of the wonderful vagina and are rather difficult to remove.

Vaginal maintenance is already time consuming and far more complicated than penile maintenance. After shaving, washing, plugging, primping, and ensuring an odor free vagina, the last thing a woman needs to worry about is tp ball removal after EVERY urination. The last thing a man needs when performing cunnilingus is a mouth full of tp balls.

My request is rather simple: Tp ball free toilet paper. Lint is for dryers and bellybuttons, not vaginas.

Thank you for your time and attention to this request.



Nessa said...

I'm with you on that one!

Opaco said...

Did not know there was an issue, being a man and all. I feel informed.

Kira said...

You're making me glad I don't use Charmin! I use Cottonelle, and I have not had the toilet paper lint left behind issue with that one yet!

Randi said...

and here i was thinking i was the only one with that problem... not so secret? once whilst doin' it doggy style w/ my ex he stopped mid eff to remove tp lint from my bunghole. lovely. needless to say, the effing did not re-commence. EFF YOU CHARMIN!!!