Tuesday, October 18, 2005

So not meant to be

Yesterday for lunch I went to Wendy's and ordered the Bacon Mushroom Melt because I love bacon, mushrooms and melt. It didn't help that OF COURSE the picture made it look even more appetizing. See for yourself.

Anyway, I'm sitting at my desk savoring every delicious bite when the coworker who sits behind me asks me to help her with something. I swivel my chair around and she just busts out laughing. I can't inquire about what's so damn funny because my mouth was full, so she starts pointing at my crotch. I look down and I've got cheddar cheese covered mushrooms all over my pants. On each thigh and mainly atop of my crotch. How embarrassing.

Then today I decided that I wanted the Bacon Mushroom Melt again because it was delicious and my ass wasn't putting up too much of a fuss. So Bacon Mushroom Melt it was. Again, I'm at my desk stuffing my face when the whole damn square, cheese covered hamburger patty (who makes their fucking patties square anyway?) slides out from between the buns and right onto my crotch!!!

What the fuck?!?!? Either this burger has a thing for my crotch (or vice versa) or the God of All Food Which is Good is sending me a nasty, evil message. First was the warning with the small mushroom pieces covered in cheese, then was the "I told you so bitch" with the whole fucking hamburger patty.

What, you didn't honestly think I'd admit to being a SLOB did you? Yeah, right.

15 comments:

Macca said...

I wear my lunch all the time. All the cool kids do it.

Anonymous blogger said...

It could have been worse. It could have been right before a presentation, or maybe the cheesyshroom mixture could have burned you. At least then there might have been a payoff because there is no WAY they are gonna label hot cheese.

schmims said...

It was God saying "that shit will kill you!"

schmims said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
schmims said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
schmims said...

Ooops. Got trigger happy there. Sorry.

april said...

Macca-YAAAAY, finally I'm one of the cool kids. Who'd of thought that spilling your lunch on your crotch did the trick. Cheerleading schmeerleading!

Anon-It's always good when someone points out the brighter side of things. Thank you.

Schmims-I know, I know. I'm going back to salads tomorrow. For some reason all the lettuce and veggies don't like my crotch.

I did the same thing on your blog. Sometimes you click the button to save the comment and it doesn't do anything so you click it again causing multiple posts of the same damn comment. It's all good. =)

Opaco said...

I have so done that. My favorite is the coffee stain on the white shirt. I so love doing that. The other day I had a huge stain on the front of my shirt and everyone i passed stared right at it. I am going to start bringing two shirts to work I think.

And, damn you! I am trying so hard to stick to this freakin' diet and I come and read this. I am going nuts. The first few days back on are always the worst though.

Opaco said...

By the way, your Tits and Ass poll, just general inquiry or a serious study?

Kira said...

Personally, I'm thinking that it's your dirty mind saying to the world, "EAT ME!"

I mean really, why else is it landing on your clit?

Johnny said...

stop yer making me hungry, lol

The Lily said...

re: hungry, yeah no doubt. Now all I have to eat is cheerios until lunch.

Maine said...

Personally, I think melt tastes a little bit better after it's been all up in some crotch.

(Okay - I admit it. That was a little gross. Why did I say that?)

Anonymous said...

Regardless of the destination (stomach, face or crotch), the heavenly bliss that is the Bacon Mushroom Melt deserves the very same freedoms that our forefathers fought for. This divine sustenance knows no bounds and has no objectives other than humanity's preservation in this chaotic world of indifferent, unwarranted pleasures. Sacrifice, above all else is what makes us human; what makes us decent; what makes us desire Wendy's Bacon Mushroom Melt.

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