Friday, November 18, 2005

Insensitive

My husband's uncle (U), is having open heart surgery today. I understand the severity and risks that are associated with the procedure and I truly hope that everything goes smoothly for him. However there's something that just bothers me which probably will sound like I'm being insensitive.

To give you some background; U's father (hubby's grandfather "G") started a septic service which grew to be a small, successful business in our quaint town. G was a very kind man with not a single enemy. He was known for working from dusk 'til dawn and his generosity. For him, it wasn't all about making money. If your septic tank started overflowing at 3 a.m., you could call G and he'd be there to save the day.

After G passed away the business was left for U to carry on. It would be so appropriate to say that the septic business when to shit. See, U is NOTHING like his father. His work ethic is about as low as it could possibly be, he's broken the customer ties, and he's an alcoholic. G's probably tossing in his grave because of how much damage U has done to the business.

Having said that, please know that I don't feel he deserves to be laid out on an operating table or anything like that. I just didn't feel the need to take the day off of work to sit in the hospital all day like my husband has done. I can guarantee that if it were my husband in surgery today, U definitely would not be there.

Joining my husband in the waiting room are (in relation to U) his mother, sister, brother-in-law, son, and his son's friend. All of them have been there since 5:30 this morning. I can't speak for anyone else that's there, but as far as my husband goes, I don't understand why he needs to be there. I'm actually kind of mad that he lost a days worth of pay to sit at the hospital for his Uncle that he rarely talks to. (Insensitivity at it's best?)

When I asked him why he was taking off of work to be there he said, "Because he's having open heart surgery." I was like, "And....." He looked at me like I was a cold hearted bitch and said, "And he might not make it." Now, again I know that this surgery is risky blah blah blah, but more people live through the damn surgery than die.

This man didn't come visit us after we had our car accident and were hospitalized for a week. He didn't come to our wedding. Shit, we only live 5 minutes away and we're lucky to see him on holidays.

Before you start thinking that I'm a heartless bitch, I will be stopping by the hospital to visit on my way home from work. Which is exactly what I think my husband should have done. I don't feel it's necessary for him to be there the whole day. Does that make me insensitive?

15 comments:

Itchy said...

I've been lurkin' about for a while but I'll come out from hiding to let you know that no, IMO, you are not being insensitive. My uncle had open heart surgery and none of us went to stay at the hospital all day. His wife and children were there...that's all that needs to be there - unless you are really, really close then by all means go. But you're not...to feel obligated is silly. But again...that's just my opinion.

Randi said...

Him sitting in a waiting room will not help his uncle survive a surgery any more than him being at work will ensure his death. Sounds like someone just wanted a day off... but that's just because I have a Puritanical work ethic.

Macca said...

Sounds like he wanted an excuse to take a day off work. Gotta wonder if he's even at the hospital and not home watching TV (man, I wish I had an uncle to pretend to care about).

Maine said...

If I was Uncle, I'd be annoyed at all those people being there. More than two people standing over you in a recovery room is a little irritating.

Plus, I kinda have the same rule you do. All those fucker relatives that didn't find 20 minutes to make it to my wedding won't find my ass in their corner, period. Need a place to stay? Better call a hotel. Need to make a quick phone call? Better dial down the center, bitches.

You've got to give respect to get respect.

Mr Vholes said...

No, it doesn't.

april said...

Itchy - WELCOME!! I'm glad you've come out of hiding. Comment anytime, especially if it's in agreement with me!! =)

Randi - You have used the word Puritanical twice today. I think that's more than I've heard used in my lifetime!! Just pickin'

Macca - If he's at home watching tv, I'll give him a reason to go to the hospital. HOLLA!! =)

Maine - Yeah, I just don't see the point of being there all day. It bugs me. A lot. Like, he never bothers with him any other time but now he's going to fuck around at the hospital. Whatever.

anthony said...

what you feel is perfectly ok with me and i am a heartless asshole!
just passing by because my cousin had a blog here and i was just clicking on "next blog" and your post about the fat pig from work caught my eye and i have made your blog a favorite of mine.
the fat pig had me laughing and showing my co-workers.
keep it up i will check back daily.

Kira said...

Aw, fuck him...I wouldn't even show up at the hospital. He has other family to take care of him. Plus, what are you going to be able to DO??? Surgery on him too? Wave a magic wand and make his pain go away? And if you don't show up, what, is he going to think you don't care? NEWS FLASH: you don't. I wouldn't bother. I would ream my husband for losing a day of pay for a worthless piece of cow dick like the uncle, too. There's NO REASON for him to wait around all day too. So, if he dies, what, your husband's presence would bring him back from the grave? No. He's waiting around for NO REASON AT ALL other than to not go to work.

(can you tell I'm in a fucking bad mood? Oh well, I'm about to drive to Columbia, and then I will feel better...)

pickett said...

You know, some people don't deserve the loyalty of good people. Your husband did not have to be there and you have every right to feel the way you do about this Uncle loser. On the other hand, look how loyal and caring your husband is; even if Uncle is a bit of a crabby soul. True, he can do nothing for Uncle, but in some way it makes your husband feel better to be there (let's face it, no one enjoys being in the hospital).

april said...

Anthony - I'm so happy that I can make a fellow heartless asshole laugh!! =) I've a few rants about my coworkers, or bitches as I like to call them. One in particular you might like in my September archives called Grumpy Butt. Thanks for commenting and I look forward to hearing from you again!

Kira - Tell me how you really feel!! You rock!!

Pickett - Pass those rose colored glasses this way!! kidding. I suppose you're right. *crossing my arms and pouting* but I liked being pissed. Dammit!

Randi said...

April, didn't you get the memo? It's Puritanical Friday! That's 3, bitches!!! hardeeharhar.

fyrchk said...

You are one of the most caring people I know. S just wanted to be off work today and have some extra drama in his life.

Hope all is well.

I ate at the Arby's in Strasburg and thought of you. :)

One day I'll write a book... said...

My grandmother is a very selfish and mean person. She is constantly complaining about my pets, that I need to get rid of them because no man will want cats and dogs in the house, that I'm not married, that I don't need to be drinking water because it will make me fat, that I need to be wearing control top panty hose becasue I'm fat...

A year ago she had a valve put in her heart. She had a rough recovery and was in a physical therapy place for as long as MediCare would pay for it. Then she went home but couldn't quite do it on her own and is now in a nursing home.

While my grandmother was in the physical therapy home, my dad went up to visit her 5-7 days a week. He works nights and normally he sleeps all day. Instead would get off work, sleep two or three hours drive the hour and a half from Memphis to Jackson, sit in her room with her all day while she mostly slept, then drive back, take a two or three hour nap and go to work.

My grandmother is so critical of everything my dad does, the way he handles his money, career choice, clothes he wears, what he eats. The woman never has one kind or pleasant thing to say. I wondered why it was that my dad drove to see her on a near daily basis. He still goes up there two or three times a week.

Relationships aren't about how much someone loves you but rather how much you get to love someone else. I'm sure that, no matter how U chose to live his life, he appreciate your husband sitting there while he was in surgery. Your husband is a good person for being there for him. I wouldn't have done it.

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