Thursday, November 03, 2005

Someone more weird than I

Several years ago my friend, Lindsey, was tending bar at an upscale joint in the downtown Ft. Myers, FL area. They were having a jazz band performing which a guy, James, we knew was a member of, so she suggested I stop by. I love jazz and hadn't seen James in a while so I headed down to the bar.

When I got there I was greeted by this tall, gorgeous man who was collecting the cover charge. He had seen me talking to Lindsey and after I walked away he told Lindsey he wanted to buy me a drink. I got my drink then made my way to the door to introduce myself and say thanks.

His name was Lance (which fit his good looks in my opinion) and he was not only a doorman but a lawyer by day. He seemed really nice, smart, funny and had a great smile, so I had no problem with exchanging phone numbers. He called me the next day and asked if I'd like to go on a date to a local comedy club for dinner and a show. I obliged.

He picked me up and we headed to the comedy club. Everything went really well, the dinner was tasty and the comedian was great. Considering Ethan was with the babysitter I really didn't have time to do anything afterwards so he took me home. He walked me to the door, and like a gentleman he kissed my hand and told me he'd like to take me out again. I had a good time but didn't get a chance to learn more about him because of the setting of the date. So I told him I'd love for him to take me out again.

The next day he called just to chat. This is how our conversation went:

Lance: "Hello beautiful. How are you today?"
Me: "I'm just wonderful, and you?"
Lance: "A little irritated."
Me: "And why is that?"
Lance: "Because I can't find my #4 sock."
Me: "Ummm, #4 sock?"
Lance: "Yeah, see when I buy a pack of socks I don't like to separate them."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Lance: "You know when you buy a pack of socks there's usually 6 pair in the pack? Well I don't think they should be separated from the sock they were paired with in the pack, so I number them."
Me: "Ha ha ha ha ha, are you serious?"
Lance: "Very. They were put in the pack together for a reason and I'm not going to pair them up with the wrong match and put them away in my drawer. That would just be wrong!"
Me: "Ooookaaaay. Well, I'm gonna go now but good luck finding your #4 sock."
Lance: "Thank you. Cross your fingers that I find it."

I'm telling you, ya can't make this shit up! Boy do I know how to pick 'em.


Maine said...

It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose!

Bill said...

I hope he put an R and an L on them so he didn't put them on the wrong feet. Socks can be so uncomfortable if worn on the wrong foot.

word verification of the day:
jagphlu- definition sick military lawyer.

april said...

Maine - You're scaring me more than weird sock guy!!

Bill - Yeah, I think he was more worried about them not being together then which foot they went on. He treated them like baby twins or some shit! FREAK! I LOVE YOUR WORD VERIFICATION DEFINITION!! That's awesome!

Bill said...

I think it is my new hobby.

Unfortunately I then get this:

vhjhgcdj - pronounced (vee how ja hug cood ja)
definition-drunk guy trying to hook up asking for a hug, knowing the the whiskey dick has set in.

Kira said...

Congratulations! That's called "OCD" behavior! Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder comes in all sizes, and that's clearly one right there.

One day I'll write a book... said...

I'm just happy if I can find two socks that kind of look like each other.

pickett said...

I'm thinking there is a reason this handsome lawyer uses his bouncer position to pick up women...

No one will date him twice.

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