Sunday, December 11, 2005

Children from hell

So we just got back from my husband's cousin's house. (Sorry for any apostrophe misuse) After hearing two little bitches, ages 3 and 5, screaming, whining, crying, sassing back with no discipline, stomping, slamming doors, watching them hit each other and guzzle down can after can of Mountain Dew (that's right MOUNTAIN DEW), I've decided that if I do have another child, it must be a boy. If it comes out a girl, I'm exchanging her for a baby with a wiener. On top of a pounding headache and a parental hatred for the parents of the Devil's spawn, I think I left with some gray hair.

Green Bay is playing Detroit in the Tundra right now as I'm typing. So far the Pack has held the Lions offense to a field goal, but I'm crossing my fingers that Brett is on tonight. According to the people in Vegas, Green Bay is favored to win by 6.5 points. When someone can explain to me how a half a point is scored in football, please enlighten me. I must go put on my cheesehead to cover up my new gray (FARVE JUST FUMBLED, MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKER FUCK SHIT BUTT DICK BITCH ASS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCK!) I will now go cheer for my team because apparently they need all the help they can get.

Oh, Brett, none of those names were directed toward you, just the situation.

p.s. Kira, if I was assured that I would have a daughter as wonderful as Ari, I'd take her in a heartbeat.

8 comments:

Mr Vholes said...

Sounds to me like if they had boys, they'd be just as badly-behaved. Blame the parents for that one, not the girls. Mountain Dew? What the hell?

Kids that age should still be drinking mother's milk. And by mother's milk I mean Bailey's Irish Cream.

Amanda said...

We have the six and ten year old male versions in our family. Then again, if you include their parents, we also have the 33 year old male and 32 year old female versions. Seems like we should get some kind of holiday reprieve, doesn't it?

schmims said...

If it's a girl you can drop her off at my house. I've always wanted a daughter. A daughter without going through pregnancy and child birth (OUCH!), even better!

Randi said...

i agree, it's not the girls it's the parents. look, we both have vaginas and were probably well behaved, right? let's give it up for a beating if we misbehaved! clapclapclap.

Kira said...

Thanks, April! She's a darling little girl...well behaved, thoughtful, intelligent, kind, but with a wicked sense of humor too when she flashes it. I actually found Ariana as a toddler much easier to manage than Jared, and Jared's also pretty easy. My sister had a fairly easy time with two of her three girls (the youngest has a bit of the devil in her), but I can tell you that even the one that doesn't LIKE to behave DOES behave because my sis is a great parent. It's all about the parenting.

Most of the moms I know say that little girls are easier than little boys, but teen boys are easier than teen girls. Only time will tell if that one's true for my crew!

Maine said...

I know where you can get a daughter on the cheap. Seven weeks old. Never needs sunblock...

Nessa said...

hey now! what about Miss B?? she's like the angel child and my boy? demon spawn. but cute as hell! the first born is always the best, though because then you wouldn't have anymore...and girls that close together are gonna claw each other's eyes out, no matter the age...especially with inept parents feeding them MOUNTAIN DEW!! haha!

Opaco said...

I love brett but seriously I think he should of retired.