Thursday, December 01, 2005

More idiotic babble......

*I know we've all heard the question, "If 7-11 is open 24/7, why do they have locks on the doors?" Fuck the locks, what I want to know is, why mop the fucking floors? What's the point? People keep coming in and out, walking their dirty shoes all over the wet floor. Seems pointless to me. If there's locks on the doors they should be used when the floors are being mopped. This way clumsy people, such as myself, don't slip and fall into some burly man wearing an entire bottle of Old Spice. I'm still smelling that shit on my clothes.

*What is a hot mess? Is that a few degrees higher than just a plain ol' mess? Why can't it ever be a cold mess? What's wrong with a luke warm mess? Why's it always gotta be hot, that's what I wanna know?

*Anyone see that commercial for 50 Cent's new video game? He says, "What's mines is mines. What's yours is mines." If I was one of his "people" I'd of told him how retarded he sounds speaking shit English. Not only that but the last thing we need is kids running around thinking it's cool to wear a bulletproof vest and shooting people while yelling improper words. But that's just me. Fashizzle!!

*I saw Garth Brooks in a Christmas commercial, lookin' all sexy with a goatee. I love his fat ass. One day I'm going to have freaky sex with him while I'm wearing nothing but my cheesehead! That's the hotness right there.

*On my way to work I drove past a car with plates that spelled KNTRY QT. (country cutie) Apparently someone's been lying to her too.


Anonymous said...

Don't be hatin on video games ;) I've never Pong'd anyone from playing Pong. I've never jumped across crocodile heads like Pitfall. I've never built a brick wall by dropping geometric construction parts on top of one another qucker and quicker like in Tetris. Finally, as much as I've wanted to, i've never done any of the awesome killing that is afforded to me by the game that is Grand Theft Auto. Man, I would really love to run over someone and take their cash but my parents taught me restraint.
What the hell am I babbling about? I don't know. Oh, teach your kids that bulletproof vests don't stop headshots or getting shot in the nads. That oughtta show em.

april said...

Key words there, "my parents taught me restraint."

I'm not saying that video games make kids go out and do shit, but when you've got a famous rapper who a lot of kids look up to doing shit like that, there's bound to be disaster somewhere.


Randi said...

I say we knock on Garth's door together and say, "We're here for the gang bang."

Kira said...

Along the same lines as "why mop the floors or lock the doors," I want to know why people make their beds.

I mean shit, at any moment I might want to nap. Or fuck. Or something. Then I have to mess up the bed again anyway. And then every night, I have to be under the sheets. It's not like making the bed makes it clean or "better." The only time I make my bed is if there are new sheets on the bed or if company is coming.

schmims said...

If you passed on that says HAPPY2B, then that's me!

Maine said...

Damn... that was funny. I'll respond in order, since I like when people do that for me...

*I'm not sure why they mop the floors. Perhaps to try and reduce the heroin stink from all the late night visitors? There's nothing nastier than the paetri dish that is 7/11.

*(giggles uncontrollably)

*The first time I saw that commercial, I imagined my mother stabbing me with a katana because she heard the word "mines" come out of my mouth. I'll never understand why someone would aspire to be ignorant. You know that's not the word!!

*This is why people want to be rockstars. Because random woman in random states are thinking, "Wow, I want to go to that guy's house and fuck him." That doesn't happen to accountants.

*I once saw a license plate that said "MILF." Needless to say, the kid in the back seat was beyond mortified.

The Lily said...

at any moment I might want to nap. Or fuck. Or something.

Kira is now my most favoritest person.

All I can say is "YA DAMN SKIPPY!!"

April: I hate that there seem to be a profusion of QT license plates in an area NOT known for its striking beauties.

Honestly? The only women I know that actually deserve (does ANYONE really deserve that??) to be labeled QT don't put that shit on their license plates.

*grumble* Attention whores. Fucking all of them.

april said...

Randi - I suppose I could share Garth with you!

Kira - I'm with you on the making the bed thing. Mine is NEVER made. Even when company comes over I just shut my bedroom door.

Schmims - That's a cute plate. Mine says 04FAVRE. Cause I'm a dork like that.

Maine - I'm glad I could make you giggle uncontrollably. As for your rockstar comment, Garth isn't a rockstar and I can't think of one that I'd like to fuck. But I do know an accountant or 2 who I'd give it up to.

Clairebell - Kira IS AWESOME, isn't she?? She is not only funny, but a genius, whitty, kind, a good mommy, and a fabulous writer. Yeah, I don't know who thinks they should be putting QT on their plates. Certainly not the heffer who was driving this particular car.

fyrchk said...

Sorry I'm late commenting on this post. I've been in line at the DMV FOREVER! I wanted to get vanity plates. I got "IMAQT"! What do you think? Awesome huh?

What? Ohhhh...*hangs head in shame*

Bill said...

If you want attention go for these fun ones:

beyond that, everyone wang chung this weekend

Amanda said...

Garth is a cutie...but I have a special place in my heart for pudgy men.

Kira said...

I've got the best damn ego feeder in the world :)