Tuesday, December 06, 2005

What are they thinking?

Or maybe they're not thinking and that's why there's a problem. What's the problem you ask? Nothing really, just stupid fuckers everywhere I go.

We'll start with my commute.

It snowed here yesterday. Nothing massive, just a few inches. (of snow people, c'mon) Well, because people are too lazy to clear the snow from any other part of their car but the windows, the result is huge chunks of snow flying off the cars. But the snow bombs don't just land on the road and melt. No, no. They fly through the air at warp speed and then POUND right on my windshield. As a result, I shit my pants. I'm just a scaredy-cat like that.

Continuing with my commute and the dumb shit I think about when driving solo.

What's the point of a station wagon (SW)? They're long and ugly. If someone needs that much room, buy a minivan or SUV. Who ever designed the SW should be tortured with nipple clamps then wrapped in that awful wood paneling used on the older model SW's.

Who looked at the udder of a cow and thought, "Hmmmmm, I bet humans could drink that shit?"

I bet that same person never thought that those udders would be hooked up to machines that squeeeeeezed the milk out. He/she probably never imagined we'd be homogenizing the shit out of milk either.

Why is eggnog only sold at Christmas time? The ingredients are in abundance all year 'round. I like the shit and would buy it in July if I could. *I FOUND THE ANSWER HERE*

Moving on to my arrival at work.

I slipped in the parking lot and banged my knee into my bumper. I'm just slick like that, I guess.

One coworker sends an e-mail to 20 people or so within the office. I read the e-mail, then delete it like all the others. No big deal. The little envelope pops up on my screen, indicating that I've more mail. I stop what I'm doing to check more unwanted mail because it just might be something important. NO. I've 5 new messages which are all replies to the coworkers email. Dumbasses can't just hit REPLY they've gotta REPLY TO ALL!! Like all 20 of us really give a fuck about what you've got to say! Well at least I don't, so THERE!! Don't they know they're taking time away from blog reading! ASSHOLES!

And that concludes my bitch session. Remember to tip your servers and bartenders!


Itchy said...

I hate the assholes that use the reply to all button. Normally it's in response to a congratulatory email of some sort...so you want to be nice and congratulate that person too...then hit reply, remove the senders name and enter the person who needs to know you are being nice to them. I don't care how frickin' nice you are, I don't care that you are also congratulating that person...why do I need to see 15 people that are just trying to prove how nice they are....sheesh...sorry 'bout that.

One day I'll write a book... said...

I duck when the spray from a puddle washes up over my car when I drive through it, like I'm going to protect myself from getting wet. Also when a bird flies in front of my car. I'm sure I look like a total moron.

Bill said...

If they cleared off all of the snow, they couldn't pretend that they are driving a tank. They clear off the one little viewport and imagine it will be ok from there. I guess it is just too cold to take the time to safely clear their cars.

haven't had one in a while but:
mrcldgui- Mister Cold Guy
yes that was me last night, I should have wore my heavier coat. That wind was biting without the proper layers.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but I love leaving a shatload of snow on my car. I clear all the windows, but the trunk, hood, and roof of my car keep the snow. I love driving and watching it come off. Keeps people off my ass and is funny as hell.
Label me an asshole, lol, I don't pretend not to be one. ;)

Maine said...

Egg nog is my fave beverage. Remember that - it'll be on the quiz.

Kira said...

But April, you spent enough time in Florida to find snow facinating still, no matter HOW you see it, right? ;)

A.J. said...

1. It's nice to know that poor snow removal is a problem in other parts of the country. That sort of douchebaggery runs rampant here (Sunny Buffalo!). As if these fuckers want to get back in touch with their Inuit roots by trying to drive an igloo!

2. Who said that nipple clamps would be torture?

3. The real reason that eggnog isn't enjoyed year-round is that the secret ingredient is elf cum

Randi said...

While I won't approve of say a Griswold station wagon, I do have to admit I'm fond of the Jetta one. Then again, VW may have brainwashed me so we have to take that into consideration.
Thanks for caring, love. You rock.