Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I want a refund!

I had an appointment today with the Neurologist. What a waste of a copay. First the nurse came in to ask me the 50 questions I just spent 30 minutes filling out on a questionnaire in the lobby. She asked me if I was taking any medications (also on the questionnaire) including over the counter. I explained that I've been popping Advil and Tylenol like candy because I feel like someone is stabbing me with a screwdriver in the back of my head. She said, "So you're taking them as needed?" What the fuck kind of a question is that? No bitch, I didn't think I needed them, I just wanted to saturate my liver for the sheer fun of it. After that she told me to take off all of my clothes except my bra and underwear and put on a stunning blue backless gown. I cannot figure out why they needed me almost naked to examine my head.

Then the Nurse Practitioner came in to the exam room. She asked me about 30 of the 50 questions that I just answered for the oh so smart nurse AND filled out on the damn questionnaire. She looked in my eyes, my ears, and she make me push and pull on her hands with my arms and legs. She told me the doctor would be in shortly. Again, I didn't know why I was naked.

After playing with every cool "toy" they had laying around the exam room for 45 MINUTES, the doctor walked in with the Nurse Practitioner. He proceeded to ask 15 of the 50 questions I'd been asked a million times and do the same push/pull exercises as the NP did. He asked about my symptoms and as I described each one he got a big smile on his face, then look over at the NP and say, "This is a classic symptom." Like he was excited that my shit is textbook. He then tried to tell me that what I have is common. However, I've been doing my research and 0.02% of the population isn't too fucking common in my opinion. After meeting the doctor I've come to the conclusion that he's a pervert and THAT'S why I needed to get naked.

Bottom line is this: I HAVE TO WAIT! The doc said the average recovery time is 6-8 weeks. He doesn't recommend seeking chiropractic therapy or any funky oils from plants found on remote islands. Just wait.

Waiting fucking sucks.

10 comments:

Randi said...

I'm about as impatient as they come but I know you'll be all right... just hang in there, kiddo.

Laurie said...

I work for FOUR doctors. I hate the wait. Neurologists are WEIRD....freaks on a leash, I say. He didn't do a stroke scale or something EXCITING like that??? Those are FUN! Why didn't you do something totally out of character, like kick him in the crotch when he asked you to pull/push? That would have made it all worth it.

fyrchk said...

He wanted to see the famous April boobies. I mean, I would've had you undress to pull a splinter out of your finger.

Miss you mucho.

Nessa said...

it's really that uncommon?? I thought for sure it was fairly common because I grew up with about 10 or so kids that had it and have known 6 people close to me in my adult life have it. Maybe I live in BP Central. :)

I'm sorry you're having to wait - is there anything we can do?

Kira said...

Fyrchk has the true! It's the rack. It's always the rack.

I once had a doctor decide he needed to know about how frequently I had sex and in what positions when I came in because I had A DAMN BAD COLD and just wanted my dean's excuses for missing my classes while at college. I told him it was irrelevant. He didnt' like my attitude. When I tried to complain to his superior, he tried to convince the other doctor that I was suicidal and to ignore me. It was a beautiful moment. Fortunately, the boss doctor was a lady and took me totally seriously. I hope he's not practicing today.

schmims said...

Wait naked. With boobs like that, it should be a lot of fun!

I always bring a book to the Dr. If you have nothing to do, you'll have to wait forever to be seen. However I find that if you bring a book to keep you occupied, you'll get in in a snap. Last time I checked into the OBGYN, I was told they were running behind because the doc had to deliver a baby that morning and still hadn't returned. With book in hand I sat down and in walked my dr. Five minutes later I was in the exam room. Ten minutes later the dr. came in to see me. The time before that, sans book, I waited 45 minutes in the waiting room and another 30 in the exam room.

Maine said...

I read something today about how you can help the recovery process speed up. I can show you how to do it... quick, let me see you naked.

Miss R said...

BOOBIES!!! Who wouldn't want to see you naked, babe?

No general practitioners/physicians like chiropractors and most of them don't believe in preventative medicine (home remedies, exercises, etc.) either. I sprained my back 4 years ago. Had I gone to a physician or hospital, they would have given me anti-inflamitories and ice, and told me to rest. I went to a chiropractor, had weekly adjustments, ice and exercises for a couple of months and I was back to playing soccer in no time. I've also prevented other injuries since then. My point is, I think you should try anything you feel would be pro-active to your recovery and certainly anything to maintain a strong, positive attitude.

Mr Vholes said...

At least your doctor had sort of a plausible excuse. Sometimes I have a difficult time telling my lady clients why they need to disrobe for meetings.

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