Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation

Note: I did have a very meaningful post that I tried to write TWICE because the electricity went out and "recover post" didn't recover shit. So you are getting this not so meaningful post. It's my fucking blog, so go away or deal with it. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

Ever take a shit that came out like little rabbit pebbles? ME TOO! That actually happened to me today, only it came out in a sequence that plopped the Louie Louie tune. Boy did that bring me back to my marching band days. We'd be sitting up in the stands, I'd be cheering for the football team while the rest of the band was doing band geek stuff like emptying their spit valves or some shit. Then we'd bust out with some Louie Louie. Yeah, we were the shit. So much that my shit's the shit for shitting Louie Louie. I even put my hands up in the air, playing the air baritone horn, humming along as I pushed the air keys to the Louie Louie fingerings. (picture someone playing the trumpet, only take away the trumpet and leave their hands in that position, and they're on the toilet) Then my head started bobbing from left to right.

*bum bum bum......bum bum....bum bum bum.....bum bum* you know how it goes.

I sure do know how to entertain myself when I have nothing to read while taking a dump.

Deep Throat of the Day: I know where Marky Mark is, but where's the Funky Bunch?


A.J. said...

Technically you gave us two deep throats.........wait, that doesn't sound right...and at the same time, oh so right.

Feces and the funky bunch? What a day!!!

On a good day my rabbitshits sound like "Flight of the Bumblebee"! If I'm gassy it's more of a "Fanfare for the Common Man" sorta jive. Am I sharing too much? Fuck it! What can I say? I'm a giver.

The Lily said...

Wow. You blogged about poop. You are now official. And if you don't believe me, check out dooce. She says so.

Laurie said...


we could get your poop together with my poop and play baseball.

I had my first 14 incher.

Itchy said...

Dang...even my poo isn't musically inclined!

Maine said...

I prefer a nice giant poop. I like to look at the toilet when I flush it and think, "Jesus Christ, man! Did a bear lay that down? I am an animal!! Woo!!!"

Anonymous said...

I bet you have a pretty pooper.

Viva La 'Gina!!!

Bush Wishes,
The Lesbo Bandits-Always on the Down Low.

Randi said...

Jumpin' Jesus, April! You're a band geek? A fucking marching band is my favorite thing EVER. I'm sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. And you're my sickness.

pickett said...

Public or personal?

Bathroom that is. Your story becomes much funnier if the scene is a public restroom. : )

april said...

AJ - I'd like a personal recording of your rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee" please.

Clairebell - I am official. That feels almost as good as pooping.

Laurie - I'll get with my poop and see if I can pencil your poop in for a good game of ball!

Itchy - It's all good!!

Maine - You mad bad boy animal!!

Anon - It's the pretties pooper this side of the Mason-Dixon.

Randi - Oh yeah, I was so in the marching band. I kinda like being your sickness.......

Pickett - It was the bathroom at work which is equipped with 2 toilets. Unfortunately there was no one in there to hear my poopy performance.

hotdrwife said...

I was in the marching band. I truly will watch the holiday parades for simply that, and get entirely too angry when the cut away for a giant balloon as tall as a building.

Anonymous said...

i was a trombone player. although i still have to empty my spit valve.

Kira said...

Come to think of it, I HAVE had a rabbit poop before!

The most impressive poop I ever saw was from my cat, Scruffy (he died in Aug. of 2001). He became constipated due to a bite mark on his ass that swelled, and the pain made him not want to poop. So he didn't. For way too long. I tried cat lax (yes there is such a thing) and it didn't work. I took him to the vet's. They told me that he might die as he was that backed up. They tried an enema and more cat lax and lots of IV fluids. nothing. Then they tried a second enema...


That's right, my cat did an 18 incher. BEAT THAT! I can't. I'm just glad that he didn't die 'cause he's full of shit. If anybody has to die because of that, it should be my ex.

Miss Sassy said...

See, here I thought I'd be origional and blog about what a crazy week of bathroom visits I've had... come to find out its some sort of right of passage?
Well, now I don't feel lame for thinking it a great post idea!

Oh, and why are we band GEEKS??? And how exactly is giving the cheerleaders a reason to flip their skirts considered a BAD thing??
I was section leader of my trumpets... and yes, I can still finger Louie Louie too!!
Its about all I remember from High School, but whatever.

dukethor said...

I swear to God, this might be one of the most disgusting things I've ever read on the Internet or anywhere else, and if you don't quit talking about it soon, I'm going to vommit!

I mean, seriously, do you know how many diseases can be transmitted by trumpets? (Yeeeuuueeeuuueeeuuuuccckkk!!!)

Dark Damian said...

Band geeks, unite! Then march 8 to 5. (Band geeks know what this means.)

schmims said...

There was a whole episode of Oprah on poop and what it means. What goes in, must come out and so you can judge by your poop if you're eating the right things. Pooping tiny marbles is not good (I've done it before). I think it means you don't have enough fiber and water in your diet.

A.J. said...

"...finger Louie Louie" ---------Priceless!

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