Sunday, January 29, 2006

Talkin' out your neck sayin' you're a Christian

Friday night experience. My husband's father, G, has 8 children. Four by my husband's mother, V, and four by another woman, T, who he married after V. (G is no longer married to T) Because there is such an age difference between my husband and his half bothers and sisters, Ethan has an uncle, Damian, who is the same age as him. Anyway, T called me up Friday night and said that Damian had been wanting to play with Ethan. So I offered to pick him up and spend the night. Here is part of the conversation between the boys and I during the ride back to my house after picking up Damian:

Damian: "Do you have any pets?"
Ethan: "We have a dog named Rusty and we used to have a ferret named Lucky, but he died and went to heaven."
Damian: "Not yet."
Ethan: "Not yet what?"
Damian: "Lucky won't go to heaven until Jehovah lets him."
(I'm thinking, OH BOY, HERE WE GO)
Ethan: "Who the heck is Jehovah?"
Damian: "He's God, the good guy and Satan is the bad guy."
Ethan: "God is God not that Jehovah guy."
Damian: "His name is Jehovah."
(I told you, here we it's time for me to speak up)
Me: "Ethan, Damian is what's called a Jehovah's Witness and they believe that God is called Jehovah. Even though we don't believe that it doesn't mean that Damian is wrong, ok?"
Damian: "I'm NOT wrong, God's name IS Jehovah and we're trying to get more people to come to our church to believe like us."
(HOLY SHIT, they sure are starting them YOUNG!)
Ethan: "Well why is Jehovah taking so long to decide if Lucky can go to heaven?"
Me: "Lucky is in heaven with God, Ethan. And Damian, we don't believe that anyone has to wait for God to decide if you can enter heaven."
Damian: "Well I do."
Me: "And that's fine. The best part about this world is that everyone is allowed to believe in whatever they want. That doesn't make what you believe wrong or what we believe wrong, they're just different. And different is good because if everyone were the same then we'd all be boring, right?"
Damian: "Right."

You have no idea how relieved I was to end that conversation. Even though I think I handled it ok. I didn't want to make him feel like his belief was wrong. On the other hand, I didn't want Ethan to think that Damian's belief was right.

I don't believe in organized religion but I don't knock anyone who does. At the same time, I don't see why anyone who believes in God would be a Jehovah's Witness. I certainly wouldn't want to be part of a religion who thought that only 144,000 people were getting into heaven. I'm guessing that by now, that bitch is full.

Deep Throat of the Day: Who listened to Ashlee Simpson spewing noise from her mouth and said, "Wow, this bitch can sing?"


Randi said...

A#1, Isn't Damian that devil kid? oh.
B#2, Ashlee Simpson is a tool.

Anonymous said...

Re: Ashlee Simpson
That would be someone who was on a LOT of drugs or very, very, very drunk.

And has never sobered up.

Maine said...

Who would want to live in a heaven that was filled with the 144,000 most boring, pussy, tight-assed human beings in history? I mean, what are you gonna do there all day? Tithe? Bake? Exercise?

Give me purgatory. Let me hang out with the 20 billion that were decent people, but maybe liked to dance naked on tables on the weekends. That'd be better than baking.

Be careful with that Jehovah's shit. If he gets to Ethan, he might start coming to your bedroom at 6 in the morning in a suit asking you if you want to hear about his new beliefs.

anthony said...

Sorry to all who get offeneded but i don't believe in any religion.
"god" created heaven and earth and has churhes&preachers asking for money all the time...maybe he should learn some self control and not spend it all so quickly!.
ashlee simpson can't sing for crap but she is soo hot i love her!

Kira said...

Maine, I'm already going to hell according to the Christian fundamentalist parents of one of my students here. Therefore, I declare hell to be the MORE "In" place to hang out. I'm going to bring icewater, ok? Come visit. We'll have the folks who still ARE decent people but just don't like to follow the random rules of every religion they see. We'll have tequilla too so that April will be one of those people dancing nude on the tables. She's going to hell with me. I just know it!

april said...

Randi - Other than the Jehovah thing, Damian was actually a VERY well mannered kid and I'd let him spend the night again. The devil child is Damon, the boy who stayed the night a few weeks ago.

Soviet - Maybe her daddy?

Maine - The good thing about Ethan is that he'd argue with Damian before he'd start to believe their Jehovah bullshit. He's too much like his hard-headed mother. That bitch.

Anthony - I am not offended AT ALL. I respect everyone for their beliefs, or lack of, as long as you're not hurting anyone. I used to be Agnostic until I had an experience that made me believe there is a God. (I've blogged it before on my old blog, maybe I'll post it here again) But I'll NEVER commit myself to one denomination because I feel most of them are full of shit.

Kira - I've got a table in hell with my name on it, just WAITING for my naked ass to be shakin' on it. Do you think my leg is there waiting for me?

schmims said...

Or Mormon. Ever talked to a Mormon on their beliefs? Pretty wack stuff. As in someone spiked the Kool-Aid. Plus you have to wear a short sleeved white button up while riding a bike.

"Jumping Jehovah's Witnesses" is a phrase I say that can be equated with "holy poop socks.

hotdrwife said...

Hey, I read this a.m. that Farve is leaning towards retirement .... ?

Ron said...

yeah i agree...i'd much rather be in hell with people who are fun. By the way April, I've linked you on my blog...hope it's OK.

Coley said...

Ashlee Simpson. I'm there with you April. She's got a speaking voice so annoying I want to slap her around screaming "Clear your throat! Phlegmy sounds are not attractive!! You're only, like 19 years old! Your smokers' rasp shouldn't be this bad yet!"
But that's me.

As for the actual decision-maker? You know that would be Big Creepy Daddy Joe Simpson. How much incest do you think actually gets practiced in that house?

PS. I'd like to link to you, let me know if you object!

Grant said...

The next time the conversation goes religious on you, just display the horn hands and shout "I am with He who has the best tunes" and watch everybody shut the hell up. :)

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Grant.

The Lily said...

1. I don't have an issue with people who do or don't have religion as long as they don't foist it on me or tell me what an idiot I am for believing what I do. What gives you the fucking right?

2. That would be Mr. Simpson the man living vicariously courtesy of his untalented but decent looking daughters. I would just like to point out that Jessica ain't got SHIT on my ass. Big-titted bimbo.

Dark Damian said...

My favorite movie quote regarding Jehovah's Witnesses, from the movie "Friday". Enjoy.

Jehovah's Witness: Are you prepared for Jehovah's return? 'Cause if you're not, we've got a pam--
[Craig slams the door in their faces.]
Jehovah's Witness: Well fuck you! Half-dead motherfucker. Come on, sister.

Miss Sassy said...

Regarding the Deep Throat: I wondered how many people the industry would put in pink lip gloss and straightened blonde hair and convince us they could sing!! My gym has the videos of Britney, Hilary, Hulk Hogans little brat... then the darker versions like Cristina Milian, Ashanti, and about four more I can remember the names of.
I wear headphones, but they are damn annoying to watch prancing around like they know how to dance too!

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read » » »