Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I should be stoned

My best friend, K, had a baby, Ozcar (don't ask), this past September. He's the cutest little baby with these cheeks that makes old ladies wanna pinch them. Unfortunately K and I haven't hung out in a while or even spoken to each other that much. It's not because she has a new baby and is busy, rather something that bothers me and shouldn't.

See K is breast feeding which I think is great. I breast fed Ethan too, which is why I think he likes boobs so much, but that's not the issue. Anyway, when K decided that she was ready to go back to work, she pumped enough milk so her husband, C, would be able to feed Ozcar. You know, because men don't have the capability to squirt milk 5 feet from their nipples like I, oops I mean women can.

Her first night back to work (she's a server) she got a call from her frustrated husband because Ozcar would not stop crying. Ok, this happens. She left work early. Now, this WAS her first night away from the baby, so I'm thinking that's understandable, right?

So the same thing happens the next night, and again the night after that. What does she do? She STOPS WORKING!! And here's the part that bothers me; She tells me on the phone that they're completely broke because Ozcar won't let her go back to work. WHAT?? Is he holding your car keys hostage? Did he flatten your tires? Has he found a way to lock you in the house? Does she realize how that sounds?

First, I'll be damned if I'm going to be broke because my 5 month old son (who's perfectly healthy, no colic or anything) cries when his Mommy isn't around. Which leads me to...

Second, my husband would just have to deal with it. Period! No, it's not fun. It's even slightly painful to hear your baby crying and not able to get him to stop. But both parents need to take that responsibility.

Third, this situation is only conditioning the child to be stuck up his moms ass. It will be quite a few years before she'll be able to do anything without the kid screaming and crying when she tries to leave.

See I told you this shouldn't really bother me. After all, it's really none of my business nor does it affect me in any way. But apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way because the last time I talked to her on the phone she said she had to tell someone that "I don't care what you think. My son needs me to be with him all of the time and that's what I'm going to do."

So I say...............nothing.

I'm sure y'all probably think I'm a big asshole, if you don't all ready. That's ok. But I will tell you that this isn't the only reason why we don't talk as much. Things just seem to be different now, in a way I can't explain.

Deep Throat of the Day: Can anyone arrange for Dennis Leary to sing his I'm an Asshole song to me?


Grant said...

I agree with your take on things, but you can't force others to see things the way you do. In your place, I might express my opinion once, but if they insist on ruining their life with bad decisions, then there's not much you can do except offer some emotional support if they need it.

Bill said...

No Leary, but if you get one of my coworkers really drunk and give him a microphone he will sing it for you.
Cut the apron strings woman. It is nice to be needed, but come on. My perspective is that by giving in to this early demand, the kid will become spoiled and end up being one of those annoying crying to get what they want in public kids that we all know and "love."
Back in the old office yet?

Coley said...

It's hard as hell when you lose some respect for a person. And that sounds like what's happening here. She's using victimizing language to explain her not working. (By the way "let" or "allow" shouldn't be used in a relationhip, IMO. If Xtian ever said "I won't let you do something" I'd kill him.) And she's raising a kid who'll probably be running the show for the rest of his life. It's hard to reconcile that with the person your friend used to be, at least in your head.
Not really much you can do, since I don't know one parent who will actually take kindly to parenting critiquing.
Sadly, some people just don't use their heads very often.

I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane, while people behind me are going insane.
I'm and Assholio, lio, lio
I'm an asshole.
And proud of it.

Ev said...

It's weird one can have friends who last forever, like my bro Elwood; and then have those that eventually you develop this weird friendship, in which, you are friends, but neither of you know why, because A) you don't really get along, and B) you don't have anything in common anymore.

It's such a strange thing.

Maine said...

I'm just a regular joe
With a regular job
I'm your average white
Suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I've got an average house
With a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job
My kids, and my car
My feet on my table
And a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no, no way, uh uhh
No, I gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow
In the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the world's biggest asshole)

Randi said...

Women like your friend give mothers a bad name. I'm all about being a stay-at-home mom if you are financially able to do so but to not work because you can't be the "boss/mom" and say NO to your child is just pathetic.
You're lovely, by the way. Not an asshole at all.

Anonymous said...

I would put the baby in the closet so the sound would be muffled.

This is why I am not a parent.

Alicat said...

Damn, I got beat to the song. Oh well, Maine, that was great! As far as the umbilical cord needing to be cut, yeah I can see how this would be a frustrating thing to have to watch a friend do. I guess all I have to say is it's her life, if she wants it to be that way you have to let her. I can't stand the sound of crying babies, but that's a reason why I don't have children!

Dark Damian said...

These are the parents who in 16 years will say "I don't know why Ozcar doesn't have any friends. He's such a smart and loving boy." Babies cry. It's how they communicate. You learn to differentiate between the urgent, falling-off-the-coffee-table cries (don't ask) and the "I'm bored" cries. If she doesn't begin to instill some independence in him, even at this early age, she'll be dealing with a lifetime of codependence. Both of my kids went through this, and you know what? They got over it. My wife would leave, and they'd cry. I'd comfort them, but I wouldn't even DREAM of calling my wife like a little bitch saying "I can't make him stop". What kind of punk-ass husband/father is he? Rock him, play him Baby Einstein, give him a bottle/pacifier, go for a car ride. Damn!

Whew. I got myself riled up there.

Itchy said...

I think you're friend and my friend must no one another. I don't spend a lot of time with my friend either because 1)she's trying to save me, which I don't need and 2)I completely disagree with everything about her life, which it's her life and what do I know...but damn! Plus I'm not a mom so I'm "not allowed" to offer my opinion on the subject. But she's headed for a sad and hard life, IMO. Just like your friend...

So...if you are an asshole, then so am I. :P

Itchy said...

a shit! By "no one another" I meant "know one another" I hate that...

Lisa said...

First of all, isn't this HIS child as well? He needs to learn to comfort the child and not depend on her.

My exhusband made the horrible mistake ONCE of saying,"I'm babysitting while Lisa goes out with the girls". First of all(this is for all the moron fathers that need to get the shit kicked outta them), U don't babysit your own children, U raise them. Start doing your fucking job.

april said...

Grant: I haven't expressed my opinion at all. Mainly because she's all ready told me how she feels about it. And it's REALLY hard for me not to express my opinions. Especially to my best friend.

Bill: I agree with your perspective. And yes, I'm back at my office until Thursday......

Coley: Damn girl, you should be a shrink. =)

Ev: I suppose it's like marriages/relationships. People change. Sometimes together, sometimes not.

Maine: I almost believed that was actually Dennis, until I saw the little black man avatar. =)

Randi: Thank you sweets! You're quite lovely too.

Macca: I know parents who have entertained that exact idea, so don't feel bad. Not that you did, but I'm just sayin'.

Alicat: It is her life and that's why I'm not saying a word to her. I feel if I did, it wouldn't be good. So I say nothing.

DD: Her husband is a whining little bitch. He always has been. And I agree with you, he should stick it out. I know it sucks, but deal with it. Ya know?

Itchy: We are head of the Asshole Department at Bitch Central!! (I knew what you meant by the way, silly girl)

Lisa: Oh yes, it is his child. And he's guilty here, but I think that she's even more guilty for letting it happen.

Kira said...

I'm with all the folks who are calling the dad a pussy for bothering mom at work and saying, he's crying!

MY GOD! Be a dad! Take care of it! Shut the hell up!

I really loved being able to stay home for a couple of years, but that was a choice we made not because of crying children but because of the benefits we believed the kids would have. I would never, EVER go broke when I could have saved the family financially by working again. Insane. Just...insane.

Sassy One said...

Daddy needs to do everyone a favour and step up to being a parent. Somewhere the cord needs to be cut...I see what happens to these kids who are molly coddled when they come to school and its not pretty.It doesn't do the child any favors and the parents pay for it when the kid is older. But then again maybe Im an asshole too....

april said...

Kira: I'm all for mothers staying at home because they want and can afford to. The problem is when someone lets a child run their life. Yes, it is insane.

Sassy One: You can't be an asshole, you're a teacher!!! I say that I'm an asshole because she's my best friend and I should be able to talk to her about this, but I can't. Unless you wanna be an asshole, then welcome to the club!!

schmims said...

I have a friend who I am no longer friends with becasue we don't have anything in common any more and don't really get along. She had a boyfriend in Chattanooga and only once called to hang out when she was in town. Shit, I just wanted to go grab a cup of coffee or something, not monopolize her entire weekend. Through that I realized we weren't really friends anymore.

I have another friend who I am having a really hard time being friends with right now becasue she wants to be a housewife, but they can't afford it. Her husband was an art major and is now a teller at a bank. Her parents send her money for her part of the rent. I just want to scream "GET A JOB!"

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