Tuesday, February 21, 2006

She's got it goin' on like Donkey Kong

A few comments to some random people I encountered this morning:

Mr. Sprite sales/promotional guy: Let me show you your motto; OBEY YOUR TRAFFIC LAWS AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LEFT LANE WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING SO FUCKING SLOW, YA DOUCHE BAG!!

Mr. Thugged out Eminem wannabe guy: When you're trying to get your mack on to a woman (ME) standing quietly behind you in line at the convenient store (ME), minding HER OWN business (ME), don't pick up your Red Bull and tell her it's your "Pimp juice." Especially when you're sporting a beat up, baby blue, MINI VAN. "Pimps" don't drive mini vans and saying the words "pimp juice" aren't good pick up lines.

Mr. Blue '92 Mustang LX looking like the hotness guy: I SOOOOOO saw you looking in your rear view at me while I was following you at warp speed on route 7. The way you drove like such an asshole just made me moist!! I'm assuming you were impressed with my ability to keep up with your too fast, too furious ass? Well dear, you have the LX not the GT, and I'm just a crazy speed demon with a titanium foot. I love you.

Mrs. Black Lexus SUV stuck up with sunglasses bigger than your face bitch: Do you realize how STUCK UP you look with those god awful sunglasses that are entirely too big for your face? Who cares that you're looking all pretty with your almost white bleached hair in your big LEXUS SUV and your 20 karat diamond ring wrapped around your orange fingers. May the buyer of that ring cheat on you with some bimbo who has the clap and passes it on to you. Oh and I hope your hair just falls out the next time they bleach it. WHORE.

Deep Throat of the Day: Fucking chicken wings, ya want 'em hot, medium or mild?

19 comments:

Randi said...

Your SUV lady describes every woman in L.A. and makes me fondly think of Pink's "Stupid Girls" video. Here's to the day Paris Hilton dies. Oh.

Itchy said...

I would like to add "Mr. Redneck in a huge Dodge truck that sees that I want/need to merge into your lane so you stay oh so close behind me so I can't and speed up if I try to speed up to slide over and then look at me like you think you are oh so cute as you finally just go the fuck on" to that list. Thank you.

And hot wings...you're killing me...

Ron said...

I'll have my hot wings hot please. I just hate them a few hours later. LOL

Alicat said...

I'd like my wingies hot, please. I have been having some problems commenting on blogs lately. For some reason it wouldn't allow me to login. Good thing it's fixed now. Can we add: Line of beat up cars recently purchased at the auction(on the way to the dealership a block away) all of which stall at the intersection that I am trying to get through while late to work?

NeverEnough said...

I always hope that these stuck-up gigantic sunglasses wearing bitches are being cheated on too. It feels to dream :)

The Lily said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You rock. That is all.

Mojotek said...

Sooooooo... the pimp juice line is out? Damn it, I was so sure that one was golden.

At least I don't have the mini van holdin' me back.

Maine said...

Red Bull is pimp juice?

I really love this whole "pimp" renaissance. Do people really know what a pimp is while they claim to be one? You don't put on a damned track suit and drink jacked up Mountain Dew to become a pimp. Fucking idiots...

Amanda said...

April, I think you're really in South Carolina. But thanks for the laugh.

Rumblin Durango said...

Hey, Itchy... I'm not a RedNeck and I don't appreciate the slur directed at those perched behind sheep and other farm animals at odd hours of the night... Go Dodge. ;) ~ Rick

schmims said...

Medium please.

Grant said...

Some of the local places (especially Chinese delivery) have gotten nuts with the wing sauces and offer more than 30 flavors, although a lot are just blends (honey mustard, hot honey mustard, hot honey mustard BBQ, hot BBQ, BBQ, honey mustard BBQ, etc.).

Now I'm hungry.

Laurie said...

I hate those big sunglass wearin' bitches too (tossing big sunglasses in trash as I type this)!!

I just wanted to be Mary Kate.

I've seen the light.

Thank you.

Lisa said...

We must rate these whores on the Pyschometer!!!!!!!!!!!

Coley said...

For the West Coaster's, I'd like to add the "I'm such a hippie, I drive a hybrid, shop only at Whole Foods, have 19 bumperstickers on my car, showing how earth-loving, humanistic and mellow I am. Then try to run you off the road while giving you the finger" drivers.

Fuckin' asshats.

Re: Chicken wings. Seems like not much meat for a lot of work. Can't really get into the whole "chicken wings" thing. I know, I suck.

Bill said...

Why are there drummies in the wings? I never could figure that out. I like my wings lava.

NWJR said...

Don't hold back now...tell us how you REALLY feel!

The Soviet said...

obey your thirst, girl.

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read »