Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Those were the days

I'm having one of those sappy, yet slightly depressing, Mommy days. It started around 3 this morning when I felt a little hand rubbing my face. Then I hear the cutest whisper saying, "Mommy, I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?" I just scoot over and lift up the covers. In climbs the best thing that has ever happened to me. He lays his head on my shoulder after kissing me on the cheek and saying, "I love you mucho, Mommy." With his warm body snuggled up next to me, we both fall fast asleep. No more bad dreams for Ethan because just laying next to his Mommy makes everything all better.

I love being able to make everything all better for him. Kissing a boo-boo, rubbing his tummy, closing the closet door to keep the monsters from coming out at night, and letting him go back to sleep bad dream free are all things that seem so little but mean so much. Because he needs me.

Then I get his little grumpy butt up and make him laugh with the "tickle bug" (a.k.a. my hand). We head to the bathroom to brush our teeth and some simultaneous toothpaste spitting. He picks out his clothes, gets dressed then asks me how he looks. I say, "Handsome as usual." I get dressed and ask him how I look and he says, "BEEEE-UU-TEE-FULL!" Whether it's true or not, he makes my day. He gives me a kiss before he walks out the door to catch the bus and I just watch him as he gets on. Most of the time I get a smile, wave, and an extra special kiss blown to me from the bus window. Off he goes to learn and socialize.

What saddens me is that one day he won't want to snuggle. Kissing a boo-boo won't work anymore. He won't want me to rub his tummy. Brushing our teeth together will be a distant memory. He'll soon be a teenager and may not want to even give me a kiss before he leaves for school. As the years go by he'll need me less and less.

Then one day he'll fall in love, get married and start a family. Knowing this really does bring me warmth and comfort. Right until my over analyzing ass starts thinking about all of the outside forces that make me feel like the odds are against me.

I can teach him morals and good values. I can tell him what is right and wrong. I can show him how to be a good person. A caring, giving, unselfish, loving, understanding, compassionate person. I can express the importance of being responsible, independent, and strong. I can't tell him enough that all people are equal regardless of their race, religion, or sexual preference. But in the end he's going to be making his own decisions. He's going to be responsible for his own destiny. I can't be there when he's presented with peer pressure to try drugs. I can't prevent him from experiencing cruel and ignorant people. I just can't make him be a good person because he has to choose his path.

So, I just keep on doing what I'm doing and hope for the best. Right?

Deep Throat of the Day: Why hormones? Why?!?

24 comments:

Nessa said...

Hey there - LOVE the new look!!! It seems to me that you are doing a wonderful job of raising a fabulous little guy and in that, he will always need the booboo kisses...maybe just not in the same fashion. Loving parents produce loving kids and it never really goes away. I still kiss my mom and my dad and my brother and my sister and my grandparents and my great aunt goodbye and snuggle them with warm hugs. My mom still lets me rest my head on her shoulder and strokes my hair. I'm convinced it's because that's how we were raised. And it's not just a female thing...my brother does it too and is about to marry his fiance and hopefully do the same for his children.

venomous said...

That is so sweet, you reminded me of the benefits of having children. I seem to be getting to caught up in the fear of child birth but I can see why you say it is worth it.

The Lily said...

I have got nothing on this shmoopie. Too sweet April.

And yes, Kind and Gracious.

fyrchk said...

April: Having met your son and knowing you, I don't think you have anything to worry about. He is absolutely phenomenal. You have done a fantastic job as a mother. Yes, he'll grow up, but he'll always be your boogie.

hotdrwife said...

My husband was with his mother almost daily when she was dying. She gave him the book "Love You Forever" and think it's the truth. We, as mothers, give them everything we can to be good people and hope they make good life decisions. And someday, they will (hopefully) take care of us, too.

Randi said...

You sound like an amazing mommy and this moment actually made me reconsider becoming a breeder. That picture of the 2 of you brought such a smile to my face. You're a lucky lady, April!

Nancy Gurl said...

I found you via Randi
this blod entry is my goal in life. I love that you are your son's hero!!!!!!

april said...

Thank you everyone. I really think about this stuff a lot. Mainly because of how I was raised and how differently I turned out. I fear that even if I raise him lovingly he still may grow up and make bad decisions. I'm paranoid, I suppose.

Macca said...

You could always tell him that you will let the monsters out of the closet if he ever tries to leave you.

Muahahahahahaaaaa.

The Soviet said...

that is about the cutest GD picture i've seen!

Itchy said...

April, I think a lot of Moms and Dads have these same fears. But all you can do is the best you can - and it sounds like you are. The fact that you are worried about it and actively think about it is one point in your favor...

A.J. said...

What you wrote reminded me a lot of how my Mom was with me. Thanks!I believe that if I am any good at all it's because of her.

Maine said...

This whole thing makes me think of a couple of things:

1.) What has to happen in a person's life to make them start being a dick to their kids? I know you love your boy more than living itself, and I feel the same way about mine, so... what's wrong with some of these other people?

2.) The beautiful thing about Little E growing up and becoming whoever he becomes is that he's always going to be your little boy, and you're always going to be his mom. Y'all may disagree and he's probably going to do some things that break your heart, but nothing's going to take you away from each other. That bond is permanent.

3.) My mother always told me that she couldn't wait to see who I was when I got older, and that even though I became a cranky asshole son of a bitch, seeing me happy still warms her heart just the same as it did when I was seven years old and innocent. I suspect you might end up feeling the same way in 20 years.

4.) No, really... why hormones? Why?

dukethor said...

Yeah, every "normal" parent goes thru this (you know, the ones that actually have feelings and emotions). You do have to remember, tho, that there is a certain amount of rebelion, even in bad parents, towards their children, as opposed to what their perents did to them.

For instance, my sister in law is someone who I would like to punch dead in the face on several occasions because of the way she treats her daughters. But, I do see that part of what she is doing is because she didn't agree with some of the things that her mother did. She (my sister-in-law) has really, really long hair. She keeps har daughters hair really, really long, even tho they have expressed, on several occasions, that they wish to get it cut. She refuses. Why? Because, when she was young, her mother used to make her get short haircuts, when she wanted long hair. So, she is TRYING to reverse something she sees as "bad" that her mother did. She is misguided, of course, and should see that the issue at hand is not short or long hair, but personal choice, but hey, "baby steps".

My mother, same thing. She managed a double whammy on me. I don't know how she did it, be she managed to make me feel smothered AND ignored at the same time (don't try it at home kiddies; proffesionals at work!). Anywho, when she was a girl, her mother made her clean her plate, and would have to spend hours sitting at the table staring at her food if she wasn't going to eat it (I'm sure some of you had to do this). She decided that if she ever had children, she would NEVER make them eat anything they didn't want to eat. That particular promise, she kept.

Really, all you can do it love them as best as you can, teach them as best as you can, give them responsibility, and let them live their lives. There's not much more you can do besides that. Besides, one day, 20 years from now, he's going to be married to a wonderful woman that you love, and have a daughter, and he's going to come to you and tell you all about how amazingly joyful it is to have a child. And, you're going to have tears in your eyes when you say, "I know."

Mojotek said...

I think being a (good) parent is so hard because of those exact things you mentioned. You can do your best to teach them everything, but in the end all of their choices are their own. But don't worry, good kids who have parents that care as much as you do are usually the most well rounded individuals in the end. So keep up the good work!

jadedprimadonna said...

April, do I ever hear ya on this one. When they make mistakes, you feel like you did something wrong. But they will. It's part of learning how to be the people that they are going to be.

The good thing is, every once in awhile, they'll remember one of the routines from when they were little and they'll want to brush teeth together one more time, lol. Matthew still let's me call him Bunny Rabbit when no one else is around. =o)

Ron said...

That was a really sweet entry April. It sounds like you are totally on the right track.

PS - Is that you in the pic? You're hot! :)

Lisa said...

First time visiting, and I love the site. Keep in touch.

anthony said...

april i think there is one thing that would be pretty cool that you can do especially in this day an age.
i guess for archives sake print out all the blogs that you have written about ethan and when he gets older even into mid to late teens have him read all the stuff you wrote about him regarding his early years and all the ways that he made you feel and/or react.
except that one when everyone said you had pink eye!! if my mom had me read about that it would probably creep me out.

Odd Mix said...

April,

It sounds to me like you are a good mommy. Of my four kids, at least one winds up in our bed most nights. Like you, I cherish those times knowing they will not last long enough.

Every now and then, one of my kids will have an "I don't want to grow up" come apart - usually either because they are sad at the idea of leaving home, or (in my son's case) because he is afraid of the mistakes he will make without my direction. I always reassure them (just as my parents did me) that, no mater what, I will ALWAYS love them and with the promise that they will always be welcome in my home - they will have to follow the house rules, but there will always be a bed for them to sleep on. In my son's case I tell him that, just as we all do, he will make mistakes. And they will hurt. But that I am teaching him to learn from his mistakes. And that I will ALWAYS love him - no matter what.

I read once that our job is not to raise good kids, but to raise good adults. With love and discipline in appropriate measures, that is what I strive to do. And that is what it sounds like you are doing, too. Keep up the good work.

schmims said...

If you raise a child to be confident in himself and have high self esteem, then when faced with those peer pressures, he will make the right decisions. Sounds like you're on the right track!

Kira said...

That picture makes me want to cry because it's just so perfectly wonderful!

If we worry and we try, we're doing the job we were supposed to do. Besides, Ethan will marry Ariana with cheeseheads and chiquita banana stickers, and they'll have darling babies we can fuss over and then hand back! Right? ;)

april said...

RIGHT!! That sounds perfect!!

Anonymous said...

Looking for information and found it at this great site... arsenal perfume Permanent hair removal device A kitten losing hair bitthday stationery Compare effectivness of cellulite creams Vitamins and lumbar puncture how to setup wireless laptop provigil fibromyalgia cellulite virginia laser tatoo removal