Wednesday, March 01, 2006

How Could You?

For the past 2 weeks or so, my brother-in-law, B, and father-in-law, G, have been staying with us. Each of their reasons are long stories, but apparently they both think our couches are comfortable. Anyway, last night Ethan and I were brushing our teeth in the guest bathroom (hubby stunk up our bathroom) and Ethan noticed that there weren't any other toothbrushes in there except his. So he asked me what B and G use to brush their teeth. I said, "That's a good question. Why don't you ask them." So he did. And guess what? Oh yeah, NEITHER OF THEM BRUSH THEIR TEETH! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

HOW?? Someone tell me HOW you can wake up in the morning with your mouth all tasting like ass, and NOT have the desire to brush your teeth. On top of that, they're both smokers AND they drink beer pretty much every day. Do they not feel that coating of plaque? Don't they get cavities? I knew they both had nasty teeth, but I didn't think they'd go 2 weeks without brushing.

Thank goodness my husband didn't pick up this bad oral hygiene habit. He has great teeth. I wouldn't be with him if he didn't. (I have a thing for teeth) He brushes them everyday, twice a day.

FUCKING GROSS!!! I just don't get it.

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I have decided that I am going to make it a point to reply to the comments y'all leave. I really like it when other people do this on blogs I read, so I thought I'd do it to.

Have a wonderful hump day!

Deep Throat of the Day: I think Lent is fucking pointless.

25 comments:

Itchy said...

I have the uncontrollable urge to brush my teeth...right now. And the thing is, I can! I have a toothbrush and toothpaste here in my desk. At work. And they don't have one with them "at home." EWWWW! Gross...

Lisa said...

YUCK fucking YUCK! Kick them in the fucking mouth when they're asleep on the couch and maybe they'll washing the blood out WITH toothpaste.

Grant said...

I thought about not brushing my teeth as it would give me more of an opportunity to visit with my Ninja Bunny Dentist, but then she would get mad at me and it would defeat the purpose. I think I'll keep brushing twice daily, but "accidentally" fall mouth first on a sledgehammer every couple of weeks.

april said...

Itchy: Go!! Go brush those nice teeth of yours!

Lisa: I'd do that if I didn't want to get blood on my couch. =)

Grant: Yeah, you don't want to piss off the Ninja Bunny Dentist. She might kick your ass. Although, I think you'd like that......

Maine said...

It's nice to know that, here in Virginia in 2006, pirate traditions are still alive and well. Where do they park the Jolly Roger? In your driveway?

What happens if they get a piece of food stuck in there? They just leave the shit forever until it rots?

Mojotek said...

Oh man... that's nasty. I should probably floss more, but I don't think I could ever go a day without brushing.

hotdrwife said...

I'm eating breakfast and that 'no brushing of the teeth' stuff just made me lose my appetite.

That's sick.

fyrchk said...

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MARRY INTO?

Seriously, were they at least embarrassed when Ethan asked them where their toothbrushes were?

april said...

Maine: Don't you need a license to drive the Jolly Roger? Neither of them have a license either. I'm guessing they do leave the shit in there till it rots away.

Mojotek: I think a piece of floss would get lost in their teeth.

Hottie: I'm sorry. Next time I'll put a warning up. =)

Fyrchk: The dad seemed a little embarrassed, but the brother made a joke of it. Although it wasn't very funny in my opinion. Except when Ethan said, "That's GROSS!

hotdrwife said...

Oh, and Hump Day?

Yah.

I need to get humped.

Ron said...

UMMM eww. Yeah I can't STAND not brushing my teeth at least after every meal. I visit a lot of my clients on a daily basis so I'm always self conscious about it.

I have a thing for teeth too actually. If I see a guy with bad teeth, my brain automatically goes to "I wonder how disgusting it would be to kiss them?" Why do I do that? NO CLUE!

A.J. said...

Even when I wake up and my breath tastes of peppermint and smells of freshly baked cupcakes (which is everyday) I still have the compulsion to brush. I'd start checking the corners of any throw pillows you have, they can substitute for toothbrushes in a pinch.

Kira said...

Oh...my...god....OHMYGOD!

I'm the daughter of an orthodontist. I don't think I need to explain how I feel right now about this issue.

KICK THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE! They're BREATHING YOUR AIR and then YOU breathe their rot mouth! EWWWWWW!

Dark Damian said...

Ew. Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Virginia? If it was invented anywhere else, it'd be called a "teethbrush".

april said...

Hottie: Bring that ass to VA baby....I've got your humping right here!! =)

Ron: You do that because nasty teeth are fucking gross. And because you're a weirdo like me!!

A.J.: THANK YOU!! Now you've got me thinking that they're using other stuff to brush their teeth. My house is infested.

Kira: They will both be out on Thursday. NEXT Thursday.

april said...

DD: HA MOTHERFUCKING HA!! I'm SOOOOOOO happy I'm not from Virginia. I've heard that same joke about Kentucky and West Virginia.

Randi said...

I have the same kind of tooth fetish. Ew. My worst nightmares involve visions of my own toothlessness.

Sassy One said...

Ew! That is just plain nasty! You have given me such a lovely mental picture of teeth with 1/2 an inch of plaque stuck on them...*gags* Do they ever get laid? I'm guessing not, and maybe someone should point out that having clean teeth and fresh breath is a good thing.

JJ said...

Looks like everyone's pretty much covered the toothbrush part of the post, so....

I saw a couple of elderly old ladies walking in the city this morning with crosses smeared on their foreheads in ash. The ladies weren't walking together or anything, they were two separate old ladies. It looked like they had dirt on their faces. I wondered if they felt dirty.

pickett said...

Kinda reminds me of a Jeff Foxworthy joke. That is just disgusting.

Does their breath reak?

hotdrwife said...

Alright April.

It's in writing.

I'll be expecting some Humpin' upon the next visit!

schmims said...

I can't date a guy with bad teeth. No way. Did you see Matthew's pearly whites on that Barbara Walters Oscar special last night. Mmmmmm!

schmims said...

I started reading the comments and gagged. That is so gross! I couldn't even lets someone who didn't brush their teeth stay in my house!

The Soviet said...

omg, gross. i want to go brush my teeth just after reading that.

NWJR said...

When I read the line, "with your mouth all tasting like ass", I really wanted to brush my teeth.

I'm going out to buy at toothbrush to keep in my office RIGHT NOW. I'm serious.

Bleh.