Tuesday, April 04, 2006

9 minute snooze

A fellow blogger invited me to play in his March Madness tournament pick thingy. Most of you know that I'm a crazy football fanatic and not so big on basketball. Ok so I no NOTHING about basketball except that an orange BROWN ball is used by gigantic, sweaty men, to bounce up and down the court and throw it through a netted hoop. So when choosing my teams, I went partially by how their football teams were and the other part guess. Except with Florida. I chose Florida to go all the way because 1) I'm from Florida and 2) The Gators are my favorite college football team.

There were 17 people playing in this tournament pick thingy and after the first round, I was in 16th place. I moved up to 15th, then 12th, 4th and now NUMBER FUCKING ONE!!!! That's right, I'm one lucky fucking bitch. Never in a million years did I expect to win. I didn't win anything other than bragging rights, so I'm bragging like a mother fucker!

I WON, I WON, I WON. *doing the cabbage patch* OH YEAH, I WON, GO APRIL, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, NOT REALLY, BUT FUCK IT, CAUSE I WON!! *doing the running man* BOOYAH BITCHES, I WON, GO ME, I'M THE SHIT, OH YEAH, BITE ME, I WOOOOOOOOON!! (end silly bragging dance)

In other news, my damn alarm clock is an official COCKBLOCKER!!! I was all in the middle of having some CRAAAZY sex with Peter Sarsgaard when that bitch started blaring one of my favorite Garth Brooks songs. I was thinking, "GREAT!! Now it's going to be really hard to get back to banging Peter when I've got Garth on the brain too. Hmmm, maybe I can have them both?" So I closed my eyes and tried really hard to go back to sleep. After all I only had 9 minutes to be pleased by 2 men. I thought wrong. Cockblocker went off again so I threw in the towel.

To Peter and Garth, hopefully I will meet you both in my dreams tonight. You guys bring the lube and I'll bring the toys and lingerie.

Deep Throat of the Day: How nice would it be if SOME dreams came true?

23 comments:

Maine said...

The ball is brown - not orange. You're killing me here.

Dark Damian said...

Damn you and your Gators.

Next year you're picking my bracket.

Now quit doing the cabbage patch before the Anachronism Police SWAT Team rappels down from the roof to arrest you and repossess your Cool licence.

Ron said...

OK let's skip the basketball and jump to good stuff. Sex with Garth and Peter...hmmmmmm nice!

BTW - what are they doing to you that you need lube? or what are you doing to them?

april said...

Maine: Oh hush up you lesbo lover!! (I fixed it)

DD: Next year I won't be so lucky. But I'll pick your bracket if you'd like. I'll quit the cabbage patch and just stick with the running man then.

Ron: Well let's put it this way. There are 2 dicks to be put in my 3 holes. Which one do YOU think needs the lube?

NWJR said...

April, you're one funny muthafucka. You always crack me right the hell up.

FYI

fyrchk said...

What is it with you and Garth? I've never figured that attraction out. You're much too hot for him.

Jolie said...

The ball looks orange to me too. I'm serious...

I am glad that dreams don't come true. Since some of the shit I dream is way too fucked up!!

The Lily said...

It's not quite fair that someone whose first love isn't basketball wins.

But that is the way it goes I guess. I can't hold a grudge, you beat out the guys. Good for you, girlfriend!

Ron said...

LOL - I figured that but just wanted to hear you admit it. And again more proof of why I LOVE you.

honkeie2 said...

The ball is brown???? wow I learned sumfi new today. I dont follow any sport but I have one of those fantasy picking thingies by luck alone and rubbed it in all these sport crazed dudes at my job. They had this picking thingie down to a science and here I pick the best team by going by whoes name sounded the funniest.

Itchy said...

I would have called the ball orange, too...some of them are indeed orange. I see more orange ones than I do brown ones. The ball is orange. :P

juicya said...

Not only did i think the ball was orange...all i could tell you about the Florida Gators is that they have a big gator as their mascot...and they are from Florida. This is why I dont enter basketball drafts.

Garth Brooks? For real? A little old for me.

Maine said...

Basketballs are made of leather and are brown.

For some reason, in drawings, the basketball has been made orange, so occasionally, when replica basketballs are made of rubber, they are also made orange. But every single basketball that you will see used in men's organized sports will be made of leather and colored brown.

Some have an orange tint, but they're brown.

Randi said...

Dude I played a Superbowl pool for the first time this year and won $120 just by blindly picking squares. That shit rules! Congrats, big winner!

nicole said...

OMG, April. I'm truly starting to think you're one of my long, lost twin sisters. I've got like four of them already. ;)

Especially the part where you were doing the CABBAGE PATCH!!! You must have stolen that from me!

Congrats on your win, too. I'd have to be totally lucky in order to have won a DIME.

JJ said...

1. Go Gators!

2. Maine's right... sort of. Yeah, the NBA and NCAA uses brown leather because they're playing indoors. But most of the outdoor basketballs I've seen are orange rubber.

3. Every time I see the name Sarsgaard I think of that SNL sketch where the pirate club invited Peter Sarsgaard to speak at their weekly meeting. The only reason they wanted him there is because they like to say "Saaaarsgaaaaard."

The Soviet said...

too bad we didn't do a cash pool. at least you won some bragging rights.

Sar said...

Could you imagine if I married Peter Sarsgarrd? I'd be Sar Sarsgarrd. How cool would that be? Alright, alright, I'm backing off - he's all yours.

Btw, hat was one kickin happy dance - congrats!

schmims said...

You forgot the grapevine and the butterfly. No celebratory dance is complete without them. Way to go ya big stud!

Kira said...

Better Florida than UCLA!

Of course, I would have rather it been my alma mater, but...*sniff*

Amanda said...

If dreams came true, I'd have Milk's ass every damn day :)

doc-t said...

THAT is the first time i have EVER heard a woman use the term "cockblocker!" LOL
LOLOLLOOLOLOLOL

friggin clock!!!

who knew clocks could be so bad? the cockblocking clock!!!

The Lily said...

You have NINE minutes?? Well damn. Mine only gives me six.

My clock sucks.