Monday, April 17, 2006

Blood Suckers

Have you ever seen those people on talk shows who are deathly afraid of absurd things like mustard or pickles? I watched an episode of Maury where this lady actually freaked out when a picture of mustard was shown to her. I found this to be just absolutely hilarious until last night. That's when I realized that I freak out like that over something silly too, making me no different than her.

Ticks. Those little fuckers will have me in tears in 0.5 seconds. I will not go in grass, under trees, or anywhere that a tick might be because I'm THAT scared of them. So last night when I was petting my dog and I discovered she had a tick on her leg, it was not a pretty sight. Funny for my husband and Ethan to see, I'm sure, but it made for a sleepless night for me. I just kept thinking that one was on her when she was sitting on my lap and even though that one was found and flushed, there could've been more. What if there was ANOTHER ONE? What if it was on her belly and left her belly to feed off of my sweet blood? What if it crawled up my legs and into my crotch? How would I know if there was a parasitic tick IN my pretty kitty, attached to my vaginal wall? I think about things like this people!! (insert joke here)

Needless to say, I made my husband check every inch of my body for fucking ticks. Damn, I'm such a weirdo sometimes. But at least I can take a bite of a mustard covered hotdog without freaking out.

Deep Throat of the Day: What purpose does the tick serve in the food chain? Really??

28 comments:

Dark Damian said...

Tics? You NEED to worry about termites. Word.

hotdrwife said...

I have never in my life seen a tick, which is odd, having spent a lot of time on the farm/ranch, etc.

We had this infiltration of Box Elder bugs one year, though, and they covered every damn inch of the ground, walls, etc. and you'd literally crunch them as you walked.

I am icked out by those. I'm itching now!!

april said...

DD: IT'S TITANIUM, NOT WOOD!!! Damn Gina, this is 2006 and I'm not a pirate!! But I'll still beat your ass with it. Word up.

Hottie: You know, I never saw a tick until I moved to VA, which is just another reason why I hate this state. I've never seen or heard of a Box Elder bug....

Itchy said...

Being afraid of ticks is really not that weird since they do carry disease and they are hard to remove and they are sucking blood and all that creepy stuff. And they aren't sexy like a vampire would be...so...yeah, not weird.

Being afraid of mustard is stupid. And weird...

NWJR said...

I'm more afraid of Maury than ticks.

Grant said...

I think it's more understandable to freak out about ticks, nature's tiny vampires, than mustard. The last time I got one on me, I hopped in the shower and examined myself thoroughly and found three more. That's the bad thing about the natural parks in Georgia - they're infested with them.

fyrchk said...

April, we have Box Elder bugs here.

I share your Tick issue. We had a patient with Lyme Disease. Found out, she had a tick on her head and her hair dresser saw it and thought it was a mole. AIN'T THAT SOME SHIT?

Happy Easter btw.

april said...

Itchy-My family thinks my reaction to them is weird. Maybe they're just being mean?

NWJR-You know, I heard that Maury sucks more than just blood.....

Grant-You totally ruined my image of you in the shower by telling me you were tick infested. Thanks.

Fyr: We have a bizillion bugs in this awful state and I don't know the names of all of them. Sheesh!! Oh and Happy Easter to you too, beautiful!

Randi said...

i had a tick on my leg once and i freaked out! normally i think you're sposeda burn 'em off but i plucked that sucker like it was nothing and was hysterically crying shortly thereafter. still have the wee scar.

Alicat said...

I am a freak when it comes to ticks. Everytime we go somewhere that I might be required to go near a grassy area I freak out and start screaming "no there's ticks in there!" Not kidding you at all. I was watching House the other day and this girl had a bunch of things starting to go wrong with her and it turend out at the end of the show that she had sex for the first time the night before and the guy climbed in through her window and had a tick on him and it did get stuck inside her kitty! Not kidding, it was freaky. They did kinda put it that you would notice if a tick got into that spot though and she didn't notice cause it was her first time and we all remember how our first went right girls?

april said...

Randi-Ethan got a tick on his forehead once. My husband wasn't home so I actaully walked to my neighbors house and asked her to get it off. Ewwwwww, I've got the heebie geebies just thinking about it.

Alicat-I didn't see that episode. THANK GOD!! I probably would've actually gone to the E/R just to have them check all up inside of me. And yes, I remember my first time. He was EXTREMELY SMALL. Like abnormally small. I honestly didn't know what the hype was all about. I know now. =)

The Lily said...

Bugs of the three-section, six- legs variety don't bother me. I can deal with those. Piece of paper, scoop, put them outside.

But when you get anywhere over six legs, I start squishing them. With prejudice.

But as for irrational fears of inanimate objects like mustard? Not so much.

doc-t said...

you FORCED your husband to look over every inch of your body?

boy.. that must have taken quite a bit of coaxing

april said...

Clairebell: When they want to FEED off of me, I can't handle it. YUCK!!

Doc-t: I didn't have to FORCE him, but he didn't see it necessary to do so for tick purposes. I did, however, get some extra special lovins after the body search. ;)

Sassy One said...

I have only seen a tick once and it freaked the hell out of me. Your story has given me the heebie geebies...I need to go check my dog, my bed, my body *shudders*

Bees will have me in tears in no time too. I freak right out.

schmims said...

aliens freak me out.

nicole said...

I think there was a woman on Tyra that was afraid of styrofoam. I just don't understand how you develop a phobia like that.

delite said...

eek, yeah ticks totally suck..literally HA!

As far as odd behaviors, I don't go around telling people often and this is probably going to make you think twice about the cool person I am, but anyway I cook chicken wings probably waaay too often and as I preparing it I'm constantly telling myself to not lick my fingers..WTF is that all about? I mean who licks their fingers when they are cleaning chicken?? pfft!

Jolie said...

Ticks are bad. And apparently (according to my husband) this is the perfect time for them to start coming out. The dog had two on her this weekend. The first year we moved to this house (in the woods), I remember my youngest son screaming for me to come see him. He was about to take a bath and he said his back was itching and he saw something on it. There were five (5) of those frickers on his back, including one huge tick bastard. I swooned. I'm serious, it took everything I had to stand upright to not panic the child (which I failed to do anyway because shortly after I was able to hold myself up I started screaming like a banshee for my husband). Poor kid. Now, when they get 'em, they just pluck 'em off and flush and don't tell me anything cause they know I'll freak. I don't know what I'd do if ever one of those things got on me...

Ashburnite said...

did you see that episode of House- where the girl had a tick stuck to her "girly parts"??? I don't blame you for being scared of them- Lyme disease is serious and incurable- my boss has it. Scary shit.

Mike said...

I think everyone has a fear of something.

and

totally off topic...If you ever decide to submit your blog for a review to the same place Grant did I think you'd get a decent review.

Jolie said...

I agree with what Mike said. Your content more than makes up for anything they might say about your template (which I like, by the way).

april said...

Sassy One: I'm sorry I gave you the heebie geebies. But CHECK THOSE THINGS!! I found another one on my dog last night. GROSS!!

Schmims: Aliens, eh? Have you had many encounters with them?

Nicole: I saw the previews for that and I'm with you, I don't understand. I mean, it doesn't look harmful or attach it's mean little head onto your body and suck your blood, passing nasty diseases and shit. FUCKING TICKS!!

Delite: Naaaaa, I don't think less of you. Now if you said you LIKED to lick your fingers, that'd be a different story. =)

Jolie: I WOULD'VE DIED. Seriously, probably fainted or some shit if Ethan had that many on him. I know it. He had ONE on his forehead and I made the neighbor take it off. I can't handle that shit.

Ashburnite: No, I didn't see that episode. THANK GOD!!

Mike: Well, thank you very much. I don't know that I would. Not because I don't like my blog, but only because they're not very nice to many people. AND I don't think they'd like my shitting gorilla.

Jolie: Awwww, thank you also. You're such a sweetie!

Mojotek said...

I think ticks make up those extra links in the food chain where they don't link to anything... they just end. God damn parasites!

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