Thursday, April 20, 2006

Dirty Laundry

There's something that's been on the verge of happening for a while now, and yesterday it finally did. I left my husband. THAT'S RIGHT, I left him. Now, I'm not going to continue without first saying that I am by no means a saint or completely without fault. Of course there are two sides to every story, but really.....who gives a fuck about his side?

I have been trying to make things work for quite some time. After a while, when you're the only one trying, you just gotta say fuck it. I know that there's a few of you (Kira, Fyrchk, Claire, Randi) who are probably saying, "Well it's about damn time!" And you couldn't be more right. We knew this day was coming, didn't we?

Now I can stop feeling like one of "those women." You know the one's who keep taking verbal, physical and mental abuse so much that you eventually stop feeling sorry for her because she stays? Well I WAS one of those women. Never in a million years would any of my friends have thought that I'd actually stay in that situation for as long as I did. But I accept the fact that I made my own bed, I made bad decisions, and now I'm not dealing with it anymore.

There comes a point when I can only be called a cunt, whore, slut, bitch, fat, ugly, etc, so much. Eventually after being brought down so far, I realized that I've had enough. I realized that the bad was really outweighing the good. I finally came to terms with the fact that we were just not going to make it because of his insecurities and selfishness. I may be many things, but selfish is not one of them. So it was very hard for me to understand how someone can only think about himself all of the time.

Things seem so much better already and it's only been one day. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my back. Financially, emotionally, and mentally things will be better. I'm going to get my shit together, and move on. I know things will be rough at first, and I'll have days that I miss him. When I have those days, I'll write about it so you can all remind me of what a dick I said he was. OK? Good. I knew you guys would have my back!!

AND.........MY SMILE IS BACK!!!! Yeah bitches!!! For those who don't know what happened to my smile to begin with, read here to get filled in.

Deep Throat of the Day: How ironic is it that my smile came back when I decided to leave my husband?

50 comments:

NWJR said...

It takes a lot of guts to get out of a bad situation. No matter what brought you to this point, you can at least start healing yourself and moving on with your life.

Good for you. Seriously.

NWJR said...

Now, I'm not going to continue without first saying that I am by no means a saint or completely without fault. Of course there are two sides to every story, but really.....who gives a fuck about his side?

Oh, and BTW...I probably shouldn't find that funny, but it cracks me right the hell up. I should make it my new mantra (I keep looking for one, ya know!).

Anyway, you made me smile. Again.

hotdrwife said...

Hey honey! I'm happy to hear this - I know from a few things Fyr shared, you needed to make this move. And I'm happy, too, that you have your smile back. It's a good sign of things to come!!

Hugs!

april said...

The Orange Mariner: Thank you very much for your support. Even though this is the internet, I need it any way I can get it. (not intended to be a sexual statement) I'm glad you found that part funny, I actually laughed myself when I typed it. =)

Hottie: It's a GREAT sign, isn't it? Thank you very much!!

Dark Damian said...

Incredible. April, you're awesome. You smile was long overdue.

The Lily said...

Both of you being at fault is no excuse for verbal and emotional abuse. NO excuse.

It is a weak and stupid man who can't express himself in anything else other than degradation.

Which is especially sad because the human language is so wide and varied. And he can't come up with the words to let you know how he feels?

PATHETIC.

Good on ya, protect your house.

Grant said...

I understand leaving is hard, but at least you have the courage to know when it's time. Too many people allow themselves to get sucked into bad relationships and then stay there forever. Good for you.

juicya said...

It takes a very strong person to leave when they are in a troubled marriage. Im a divorce lawyer, and I always tell people that its the hardest step, and even though things may be difficult for a while, the hardest part is already done. Good luck, you, and Im so happy that you got your smile back.

Laurie said...

How ironic that you can smile once you left him. Hmmm.

Love you girl!

You can do this!

april said...

DD: Damn straight that smile was taking it's sweet ass time. Bitch.

Clairebell: Damn, I love the way you word things. You ROCK!!

Grant: I was becoming one of those people, how pathetic. Thank you.

Juicya: I don't suppose you can represent people in the U.S.? just kidding. =)

Laurie: I CAN do this....all night looooooong! BOOYAH BITCH!!

~*~ D ~*~ said...

I don't know your story very well, I'm still needing to read your archives, but I just wanted to say that you did the right thing. Please don't focus too much on what you should have, could have done sooner, just be proud that you did it. I am proud of you and things will be so much better.

I left my abuser, many years ago. On the days I'd actually miss something about him I would just call my girlfriends and they'd say all the right things. I hope your friends do that for you too, I bet they will!

Congratulations and please, don't go back!

Coley said...

Good on you, April! That's some hard shit to decide, but you did it. I see too many people who don't protect themselves or their children, and it breaks my heart.
You are a tough broad (my highest compliment), and I'm so glad your face is fully mobile again.
Now get to making up for lost time and smile and giggle as much as possible!

Amanda said...

GOOD FOR YOU! You're much too wonderful for anyone to treat you like shit.

~*~ D ~*~ said...

Oh CONGRATS on getting your SMILE back!!!!

~*~ D ~*~ said...

Oh CONGRATS on getting your SMILE back!!!!

Ron said...

Man that takes guts April and I'm proud of ya. Congrats on getting your smile back as well!

I got your back!

Pass me another cold one said...

Good luck you did the right thing!

Macca said...

Good for you April. No one should have to deal with an abusive partner.

Stay strong.

I'm glad your face isn't "stuck on stupid" anymore. ;)

Sue said...

Weird, I was just reading blogs and comments bouncing back and forth when I read some comments you made on hdw's blog and was saying to myself, **she needs to leave this guy** and then when I decide to check YOUR blog, you did....good for you...

Marit said...

Good for you. I wish you nothing but happiness!

So glad your smile has returned.

A.J. said...

1. Interesting connection.......leave a douchebag, get your smile back. It's a win/win deal.

2. In a way you lost two palsies.

3. Can I still call you "slut, bitch, whore"? I'll do it....you know, tenderly. I'll just do it while I'm painting your portrait.

4. :) <------ you can do that now!

The Lily said...

Thanks, girl. You know you have my support.

lunachicknyc said...

Good for you!
And it's not ironic that your smile came back - its a sign from a higher power (and I'm not a bible thumper so don't take it that way) telling you you made the right choice!

Mojotek said...

Wow... I guess I must have been pretty blind or missed all the right posts, but I didn't really see this coming. But seriously, good for you!

And thank goodness your smile is back... actually I don't really think it's ironic that it came back when it did.

Jolie said...

I am impressed by your strength and courage. My motto has always been when the bad begins to outweigh the good its time to go. Sounds like the scales shifted. Good for you in doing what is right for you. Bubba had Bell's Palsy and he still has some residual problems (tearing when he eats and when he drinks his left eye really starts drooping). I'm glad you got your smile back. That Bell's Palsy is some scary shit.

Randi said...

I'm proud of and happy for you, Sweetie. And it is very telling that your smile came back! Stress takes its toll on the body in ways we can never even imagine. Holla if you need me.

Sassy One said...

I'm sorry you had to ever be in that situation, but I admire your courage to leave. It must have been a very hard decision to make. I wish you all the best, you deserve it! Good luck, you have a lot of friends here to support you!

fyrchk said...

I am dancing around the house and singing. (It's not pretty, I promise.) April, I am so proud of you. You've needed to do this for awhile. Now, next time you are going to marry someone and I say, "Are you sure about this?" That's a hint.

We are going out for a celebration dinner bitch!

And you know the number if you or Ethan need anything. Even if it's just a change of scenery for a couple of hours.

fyrchk said...

And I can't wait to see that gorgeous smile of yours again!

Kira said...

OH MY GOD!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY I'M ACTUALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD AT THE COMPUTER!!!!!

I have been begging, begging, hoping, crossing my fingers, WANTING for this for quite some time. I knew you were worth so much more than what he was doing and saying. I knew the jackass wasn't the best role model for Ethan. I also know how hard it was to make the decision for a variety of reasons we discussed long ago...and I understand completely. However, in the end, you did the right move! I'm so, so, SO happy! Do you need any help in any way? When I get back from my trip next weekend, I can drive anywhere at any time for the summer. I'll be free the second week of May, and if you need me to drive up and help kick his ass, move things around or out, or just babysit Ethan so you can go out and get trashed with fyrchk, I'm there. If you want to take Ethan and just get the hell out of there for a vacation, you can feel free to stop in too. We need Ethan and Ari to meet up since they'll marry one day too. He should bring his cheesehead. If you decide to drive down to Florida and want a mid-way place to just crash for the night, you've got that too. Let me know! AHHHH!

And really, I think the reason why your smile came back is self-evident!

Pardon me while I run off to tell Alex now. I'll get cracking on the circumcised clone version of him if you want :)

fyrchk said...

Kira:

You come up and we all go out. That is all.

Bill said...

I actually have a busy day and this is what happens. I think everything has already been said... but... I left the mayonaise out.

Maine said...

Hey, I get to be the first to say, "fuck that guy!"

So.... fuck that guy!!

Madwanderer said...

CONGRATS !!
I am very pleased to hear that another brilliant woman is saved from a bad situation!
Kira is very excited and couldn't to tell him the good news. I hope he suffers and begs on his knees...Then again, if he is standing, it is easier to aim for his nuts (if he has any: women abusers are cowards).

Lisa said...

WOOOHOOO! I have said many times over that you really never know how BAD it is until you don't have it BAD anymore.

All my love going to you and I am right here for ya girl!!! Shall I make a voodoo doll of his ass full of pins and needles??

Just holla!

JJ said...

Holy shit. This is the best news I've heard all year. I'm not even kidding. You deserve to be happy and now you've got a chance to make that heppen.

Congrats.

The Reluctant English Major said...

Long-time lurker and mom to an Ethan. Just wanted to say, that I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that shit, but you have found the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Just by reading this blog, I know you to be extraordinarily strong and need never wonder if you made the right choice. Your smile is evidence of that. Good luck and know that not only your friends wish you all the best, but so do all of us who come here and peep into your life anonymously.

Ev said...

I'm happy for you April. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a good relationship. Noone deserves to be abused in any fashion.

Good job. I'm proud of you, it takes a lot of guts.

Papa said...

You go girl.

The Soviet said...

mwah!

Debbie said...

I'm happy for you. It's important to have your smile back. And fuck him. I don't know that much about him and I fucking hate him.

Rumblin Durango said...

Wow... I mean... wow. Thats the strong girl I know. Lemme know if you need a roomie. ;)

D.T. said...

WOW, April, I'm like in shock. I mean, being able to leave your husband and still be strong...your some kind of woman! And really, you should be applauded! Hope everything works out for you, and I hope you keep on smilin'!

Sherri said...

You're making me cry, I'm so happy for you. It'll be all better now. I'm trying to get the guts to leave my jerk too so I can SOOOOOO relate to you and this was such a great post for me to read right now. Hearing your story may have just given me the nudge I needed. I wanna be YOU when I grow up. Now that you've escaped from a bad thing, don't look back. I'm hoping to make my move too within the next 30 days. Wish me luck too, K? And hang in there, time heals all.

fyrchk said...

OH, btw, I called your bitch-ass back yesterday. Did you get the message?

Alicat said...

Look what happens when I go away, you go off and do something totally awesome. I am so happy for you finally getting the hell away from his ass and not to mention his redneck non-teeth brushing family. You did the right thing! Ever need anything just let me know.

Kira said...

Oh darling April of my dreams, can you just post something that says I'm fine and my psycho ex didn't club me in my sleep? I worry needlessly. Don't mind me.

Miss Sassy said...

Crazy how that happens - you leave the guy you thought would make you happy forever and suddenly you find your smile!!!
I did the same thing, minus the marriage certificate and kid, and the same thing happened to me!!

Your right, it'll take time, but your right in that we will remind you how awsome you are without him! Even better, let the laundry lie and buy some new clothes. =)

nicole said...

April, I'm so late responding to this post -- please forgive me!

I'm SO happy for you! It sounds like you've got a total grip on your future, which is AWESOME! It's so rare that we're able to step outside of our own situation and do what's best for ourselves. You're my hero!

**HUGS**

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