Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Being a GOOD GIRL!!!!!!

So the ex and I have been able to work out a schedule with Ethan. Amazing, I know. Anyway, I've been taking full advantage of my nights without him. Now, I'm not going out and painting the town red or anything like that. I'm just going for a drink or two with a friend who has no obligations and is able to go out whenever she wants. (it's good for me to have a friend like this right now, I think)

Anyway, I've met a few characters in the past 3 weeks that I just had to write about.

**The I've got money guy: This dude was talking to my friend and asked her if I was available. Being the good friend that she is she said, "Well, I'll have to let her be the judge of that." He proceeds to tell her to tell me that he has lots of money, 3 BMW'S, 2 jetski's, a big boat, and a huge house. It was at that point when I decided to ask the entire bar if I look like a gold digger. According to them, I do. Fucking bastards.

**The I'm leaving town tomorrow so I have to get in your pants tonight guy: Sorry boys, this one doesn't work on me. Especially when you live in the same small town that I do and I just saw you in the video store 2 days ago. I wasn't too mean to this boy. I did let him go on with his charade for quite some time before I called him out.

**The slightly balding accountant wearing wrinkle free Dockers: This particular dude looked just like Kevin Spacey but didn't see the humor when I asked him if he was from K-PAK. No sense of humor having mother fucker. Sure, you can buy me another drink.

And last, but not least. Ok, maybe least.......

**The cheesy pick up line guy: Yes ladies, they still do exist. I got the ever so sweet, "Who's the thief who stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes?" You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Deep Throat of the Day: Really, you've got to be fucking kidding me??

29 comments:

juicya said...

Some guy at the track said i was skinny enough to be a jockey. It took me a while to realise that that was supposed to be a pick up line. Ug.

Bill said...

So... ever going to make it into my neck of VA? And speaking of pick up lines... Neil Patrick Harris (dougie Howser) used the pick up scenerio on "How I met your mother" last night... He called in paramedics for his pick up prospect... then used the old fall from heaven angel line... a moment of pure TV sitcom cheese.

Macca said...

Go for the guys with money.

Itchy said...

It's so nice to see that some things will never change. :P

Dark Damian said...

Go for the black guys. The brothas. A brotha's pick up line: "C'mere, lemme holla atcha for a minute." Who can resist that siren call?

~*~ D ~*~ said...

Oh Gawd that is cheesy. What's worse? Realizing your 20 yr old son doesn't quite realize that these are not clever lines, just very old ones. I heard him telling a girl the other day that her legs must be tired because she had been running through his mind all day.
I just rolled my eyes.

The Soviet said...

wow. you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

Alicat said...

I was at my local bar last night with my best friend and one of the waitresses from the other store(there's 2) asked him if he was ready for his hot caramel pie. Not knowing what she meant by it he turned all red and went "uh...I didn't order any pie." Lo and behold it was a pickup line. She instantly said OMG, I thought you were someone else. Yeah right. Then she turns to me and says, I wasn't trying to pick your boyfriend up. Ok lady, I have a wedding ring on, what makes you think that he is my boyfriend. If anything you should have said husband but he's not that either, just my best friend. It was the strangest pick up mishap I have ever seen.

NWJR said...

How about:

"Heaven must be missing an Angel!"

"Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!"

"I lost my number. Can I have yours?"

My daughter collects these things--she uses them as examples of how lame guys are. I tend to agree.

Kira said...

I don't know, the cable guy a few weeks ago was rather innovative in his pick up lines. It took me forever to realize he was hitting on me. I mean, I already had mentioned my fiance and I'm wearing a ring, and he asked me if I were READY to get married. Huh? Then he asked when the wedding was, and I said next June, and he said, oh, plenty of time to change your mind if you needed. Um, huh? In addition to other lameness, he then wrote his cell phone number down on a piece of paper and said if I needed ANY help with my cable, I should call him because otherwise I'd be on hold forever, and he could come out directly and help me night or day. Keep your damn cable in your pants, bud!

How is Ethan handling the visitation schedule right now?

mikey said...

The saddest things about those cheesy ass pickup lines?

You know, you just know that they've worked before. Women actually fall for that shit.

JJ said...

Overused pickup lines are lame. A guy's gotta go with honesty and confidence.

Something like:
"You look bored. Wanna get out of here?"

Or:
"I know you're here with your friends, so I don't want to interrupt. You mind if I give you my number? I'll take you out to dinner sometime."

Or something cheeky:
"We could never date. I can tell you're way too wild for me."

The Lily said...

Ooh! ooh! I got "Can I have your number? I seem to have lost mine." too.

I felt bad for the guy.

Randi said...

Baby, you're so fine you'll be beating them off with a stick! I've missed you, girl!

hotdrwife said...

I had a guy once say, "You look an awful lot like my third wife" ... "How many times have you been married?" ... "Twice".

Sigh.

Rumblin Durango said...

When I'm tired, and down to my last shot, I use, "Got any Cuban in you? Want some?" OK, you got me, that was my signature line. :)

Ron said...

The funniest one that hppened to me was a guy in a bar who came up to me and told me I had the prettiest eyes in the place...I know barf right? Well then 15 minuutes later he walked up to Mike and said exactly the same thing. Was too funny!!

A.J. said...

"Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?"

or
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

or
"Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"

or
"I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the shed behind my house."

or
"Nice dress. It'll look great in a pile at the foot of my bed"

Mojotek said...

"...I decided to ask the entire bar if I look like a gold digger. According to them, I do. Fucking bastards."

Hahaha! You mean the "I've got money" routine doesn't work? Hmmm... what the hell am I saving up for then?

Mike said...

One of my all-time favorites is:

"Hi, I'm randy...and my name is Mike"

I've never actually used it though.

JJ said...

I like AJ's suggestions.

Sherri said...

How about....."I'm a Gynecologist. Need a check up?"....and NO, I didn't fall for it :)

D.T. said...

Awwww...you poor thing. I totally forgot that you have to endure all that crap again. Yeah...when it comes to picking up girls, we guys are just clueless and oh so cheesy. Sorry.

schmims said...

Ahhh, welcome to my world. Word of advice. Never EVER go out with a guy you meet at a bar. Period.

jadedprimadonna said...

I think it's awesome you're going out and having fun when you can. It's disappointing that these lame men have to interrupt what would probably otherwise be nothing but fun. But at least it's something to laugh about later. Oddly, it seems like my normal place to get hit on now is when I'm trying to put gas in my car. It has happened three times recently. And two of the three began the conversation straight out with, "You're not married, right?" I guess married women aren't supposed to need to put gas in their cars or something...

?????

Anyway, glad things are going well.=o)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Who stole the stars...

I'm writing that gem down!

Lisa said...

You and I together could be a magical thing. OR a dangerous thing.

We must plan a meeting!!

nicole said...

You've gotta be kidding me -- guys actually think that their imminent travel plans will compel panties to drop??? Oh, I'm just not able to handle that!

Sassy One said...

It's crazy what guys come up with. I had this one guy ask me, "do u have any italian in you?"
me: "no"
him, "do you want some?"

Yes, buddy. You got me with that one, sooo smooth. Let me bend over the hood of my car for you, romeo.