Wednesday, June 14, 2006

My E-Man

I sincerely appreciate everyone's support and/or advice on my last post. There is, however, something that I should clear up. Sammy is not Ethan's biological or adoptive father. His real father died in a car accident when Ethan was in my tummy. Although Sammy is all Ethan knows as his daddy, he does know that he is not his biological father.

Now here is where things are getting painful for me. (other than being punched in the eye, of course.) Ethan really wants to see Sammy. Regardless of what a low-life scum sucking piece of shit husband that bastard is, he's for the most part a great dad. I would NEVER allow my son to be around someone if I thought that he was in jeopardy of having bodily harm inflicted upon him. But for right now, I'm not letting Ethan see him because it's in his best interest to wait for things to settle down. I also need time to decide if I'll ever let Sammy see him again. To most of you, this may not be a hard decision, but to me it is. Why? Because sure it's hurting Sammy not to be around the wonderful boy he calls his son, but it's also hurting Ethan. YES, it's hurting Ethan to see his mommy with a black eye and so on, I know all of this. But please put yourself in my shoes. I have Ethan asking me every day if he can go over his daddy's house. So, there's my dilemma.

Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that Ethan is going to be a lawyer. The teacher gave them a small economics quiz which was comprised of 10 questions. When I saw the paper it originally had 9/10 = 90% written across the top. That was scribbled out and 100% was written. So I asked Ethan what had happened.

E: Read #3.
M: To purchase a product, the consumer must use cash with which to pay.
E: See, the answer is FALSE and that's what I circled, but the teacher said that's it's TRUE!
M: What is your reasoning for picking false?
E: Because you don't ALWAYS have to use CASH, Mommy. You can use a check, or your check card, or your credit card. So, the answer is FALSE!
M: And you told the teacher what you just told me?
E: Yup, and she marked it correct! She can't get those trick questions past me!!

Deep Throat of the Day: Who was the genius who decided to make the capital I and the lower case L's look the same in most fonts?

25 comments:

jadedprimadonna said...

You can't put yourself in danger to take Ethan to see him. And looking at that picture... wow, April - you have to stay away. Does Ethan understand how you got the black eye?

I think this might be a situation where you need to let a counselor talk to him or something. Life would be so much easier if everything were cut & dry - bad people would always be bad in all ways. The fact that he was a good father (except for setting a good role model for how to treat women) puts you in such a difficult situation.

You'll be in my thoughts. I think you've got a lot of courage, and somehow the love you have for your son will be enough to get the two of you through this.

But you just cannot put yourself in danger.

Alicat said...

Geez, that is a tough situation. As smart as Ethan is maybe you should sit down and talk to him about why it is you need some time. When my parents were doing the divorce thing it made me feel a lot better that they felt I could handle a grown up converstaion about why it was I couldn't see daddy all the time. Just a thought...

Randi said...

You know what's best for you and for Ethan. I think everyone's just concerned because any man that can give a woman a black eye is unpredictable at best so who is to say he won't "snap" at your son one day?

juicya said...

Okay heres some 'free' legal advice: [or at least what I recommend to clients in the same situation] Allow E to see him only if there is some sort of supervised access-- whether it be thru an agency [check the yellow pages or call the United Way] or thru a friend/family member/ someone you trust. While they want to see each other, you never know if S may try to hurt you by saying something not very nice to E or even try something stupid like abducting him. The Courts may even have programs like this that they offer for families for free or a small cost [ he should pay, naturally]. Be strong lady, Im rooting for you!

Itchy said...

Just offering my continued support. I can't even pretend to know what the correct answer is, only you can do that. Stay strong, stay focused. Keep documenting everything.

Kira said...

Juicya's suggestion is tops. Supervised visitation is sometimes the only way that the child can see the parent and everybody is ok (I think that's my time as a DSS foster care worker kicking in there). I very much understand the sadness that comes to YOU seeing your child want to see Sammy, even if Sammy is a total used douchebag.

My daughter and your son are, once again, the perfect match! My daughter "lawyers" her way out of wrong answers all the time. For instance, my daughter had as a question on a science exam, what from the animal kingdom has eight legs? The answer was spider as they had just studied spiders. However, my daughter put down octopus. The teacher marked it wrong; she told the teacher, "It did NOT specify that we choose the one discussed in class. It merely asked for something from the animal kingdom with eight legs. An octopus is certainly not from the plant kingdom, now is it? And it has eight legs. That's a correct answer." Stunned, the teacher gave it to her. Haha! Go Ethan!

senor c said...

as a father,i understand the connection between the two.

but,it's only a matter of time before he becomes abusive towards him!

i know that's not what you want to hear,but like juicya said,supervised visits for now,until he gets his abusive ways under control.

NWJR said...

I used to have a good friend with an abusive ex and a young son--she had custody. The ex actually tried to run her over with a car once. She tried to get a restraining order, but the courts refused; she took the son to see his dad regularly because the son had no idea how bad things were (of course the Sperm Donor would use his time to tell the son how "mommy doesn't love you" and such. Helluva guy, huh?).

Anyway, I know firsthand how tough this can be. I think that supervised supervision--as others have suggested--is definitely in order.

That's my 2 cents.

schmims said...

I agree with you waiting on letting Ethan see Sammy when things settle down. He's a smart kid and he'll see him for who Sammy is sooner or later. Plus it's healthier for Ethan to make his own decisions rather than have him told what he should think about a certain person. After all, everyone has some good traits. Some just have more bad that out weigh the good.

At least you're smiling again! Cheers!

mojotek said...

I had already picked up on that... but it still sucks that the guy is the only father Ethan has ever known. I'm sorry you have such a hard decision to make.

But it does sound like Ethan is one sharp cookie. He's definitely going to be giving teachers fits for a few years.

exile said...

if you want ethan to grow into a great man, show him what a strong woman would do.

nicole said...

I can already tell you that Ethan's WAY smarter than me!

I totally sympathize with your situation. I know I'd totally want to cut all ties with the asshole in question but with a kid involved it's just not that easy. I hope this all works itself out ASAP.

Miss R said...

Go Ethan! He may be an accountant or economist with his knowledge of forms of payment. We'll hope he doesn't go down the IRS road!

As for visitation, I think your first instincts are correct to protect yourself and your son by staying away. I support the supervised visits and you may want to make sure the visits are in public. He may restrain from violence in publice because of the witnesses. I also agree that Ethan is a smart kid and you could probably explain things to him in a way he'd understand.

Hang in there, lady. Prayers for you and Ethan!

D.T. said...

No April. It's totally understandable why you wanna keep Ethan away. You love him too much to see him get hurt, whether it's physical or mentally. In my opinion, I think you should be straight up foward with Ethan and let him know what's going on. Though you may think he's still a bit you, you may be surprised. And when he asks you why it all happened, you tell him that sometimes our lives change with every breath we take. That's why the both of you gotta hold on to what you got...each other. It's like that old saying...we've all got meanness in us, but we've got goodness too and the only thing worth living for is the good. That's why we've got to make sure we pass it on. And just know...someone here in Tucson is praying for you...

Coley said...

holy hell April! I haven't read your page in a while (new job has the internet on LOCK DOWN) so forgive me for being late on this, but....
THAT FUCKING ASSSSSSSS!!!! I can't even think of nastier things to say about him. Just fucking terrible. Jebus.

As for letting E see Sammy, you're the mama, that's your call. Just take care of yourself and do what feels right to you. You are a total Super Mom, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

You've got some happy thoughts coming your way from CA.

Lisa said...

April,
I have a son also, he has a father but his father is 1200 miles away. My ex has never been abusive, but he has no brains. I will not let my son see his father because of my son's extensive allergies and health issues. It's hard but I have to put my son first, just as you have to put your son first. If I send my son to my ex’s I may not get him back in one piece. That’s how bad his allergies are. I agree with Juicya's idea. Maybe supervised visits are a good idea. If your son is mature enough, tell him what's going on and let him decide. He's sounds like a smart kid and he'll make the right choice. Just please protect yourself!!

The Soviet said...

that a boy, ethan! tell that teacher what's up!

Grant said...

In my last job, they avoided using 1's, l's, L's, O's, and 0's because they caused confusion.

venomous said...

You have definetly got a quick thinking, witty son! Must be good genes. =)

Sassy One said...

Impressive boy you have there!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Diggin' that deep throat thought. Good question.

Sherri said...

Tough situation. I feel for you and your son too. Good luck with that.

And as for that chicken-shit girl-hitter, the universe has a way of evening things out. He should be very careful to look both ways before crossing the street from now on. Karma can be a real bitch.

doc-t said...

You're protecting Ethan... he's Priority one... Keep on keeping on, mom...

about you deep throat of the day... It was someone with an EXCELLENT sense of humor.

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JJ Silva said...

Hardly had any knowledge of the whole situation, however I'm a single father myself, we've had our quarrels and stuff and can only think of this piece of advice for waht is worth, great that you're staying away from the dude, if your child Ethan is missing him, and this is where parental love comes at its toughest, explain the man was definetly wrong, no one has the right to harm or threaten anyone for NO reason whatsoever, show him there's a lot better things in life tahn specific persons, I know the fatherly figure will disipate in time, but pls keep your son away from him, although you may think there may be no problem, believe me, ther is, I was an abused child, and growth is harder with that impression. keep your chin up, for what I've seen, you're a strong and persistant person, you're on the smart right track.
from Mx City JJ jsilva0723@gmail.com