Wednesday, September 20, 2006

We knew it would happen

Last week, my soon to be ex-husband did something that won't surprise any of you. No, he didn't beat his girlfriend. Yet. What he did do was get his 3rd DUI, while driving on a suspended license AND don't forget about being on unsupervised probation for punching me in the eye. (see a few posts back) Oh yes, I'm probably more happy about this than I should be, but he deserves it. He's definitely getting some jail time. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! Come on, cheer with me. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOTHER FUCKING HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You know you like it too!

Ethan lost his first football game last Saturday, but he did make the biggest play of the game. He got an interception late in the 4th quarter, then proceeded to run in front of the stands, raising his hands up to get the crowd cheering for him. Only my boy, I tell ya. He's so awesome.

I went on another horrible date. The guy and I went to the grocery store to get steaks to cook on his grill. When we walked up to the check out line I laid my steak down on the belt and you know what he did? He grabbed one of the dividers and put it behind my steak. Then laid his steak down. Yup, he made me pay for my own steak. Where do I find these mother fuckers??????

I hope everyone is doing well!! Have a great day!

Deep Throat of the Day: I hope he gets fucked up the ass in jail. I really do.

31 comments:

Rumblin Durango said...

Wow, I'm the first "fucked up the ass" after comment? I hope that, somehow, you get out of this whole life, babe...

~ Rick

mojotek said...

Made you pay for your own steak? Man, that's like a scene from a Woody Allen movie or something. Did he start whistling and doing the thousand yard stare while he put the divider between your steaks?

Big up to your loser Ex! A 3-time DUIer is ALWAYS a winner!

PS: Still likgin the new job?

Dark Damian said...

Oh, he will. You know he's gonna mouth off to some brotha named Dennis, and next thing he knows, he'll be juggling Dennis' balls on his chin. Just you wait.

Itchy said...

Gee April...I'm not quite sure why you let that guy slip away. I bet HE paid for your steak... (KIDDING!!!)

Hope you are at least enjoying your job still!

Debbie said...

I actually applauded about your ex.

You find your dates the same place I do. I swear.

The Lily said...

That's awesome. He's such a waste of mass.

Kira said...

...you should have looked at him and said, "Ahhh. So what you're telling me is that if I want a chance of having any sizeable beef, I have to purchase it myself because there's no way I'm getting any big meat from you?"

Might have made him reconsider :)

Kira said...

Oh, and I forgot...

HAHAHAHAHAH YOU MOTHER FUCKER! You're getting what you deserve! Bend over baby, 'cause jail will love you!

NWJR said...

lol@kira...good one.

Here's hoping ex gets some "sizeable beef" in jail.

Bill said...

I now have a real beef with all of you. You guys are ruining my love of steak. Maybe the ex will learn to appreciate pork. The little chicken. I hope this wasn't too fishy. Have a grape day.

mikey said...

"Yup, he made me pay for my own steak. Where do I find these mother fuckers??????"

Um, I'm thinking "Virginia."

Move to CA. Become an actress or something.

See, if you blogged more, then we'd talk to you more, and you wouldn't continue to make these horrible choices in men. (OK, maybe I'm over-simplifying things...)

Seriously, though, man, I thought *I* was socially challenged. Even *I* know to pay for the girl's steak. It's just polite, yanno?

Ev said...

Do you think the ex is going to enjoy his "hot beef injection"?

Actually, that shit doesn't happen in prison as much as tv would have us believe.

Dude, I would have left him right there, in line and gone the fuck home. That sends a clear message of "Fuck you, you cheap prick."

Coley said...

Ummm, here's the thing. When you invite someone to do something, YOU PAY FOR IT! When will people learn this simple, easy to follow rule of etiquette?
Geez April, at least you recognized that making you buy your own meal constituted a bad date. I know WAY too many women who would have accepted that.

Grant said...

Other than making you pay for your steak, was the date otherwise okay?

Randi said...

wanna hear some bad dates so you know you're not alone? come talk to me.
and your ex is a douche.
xoxo

Bruno Amato said...

You gotta be kidding!!!......What a cheap bastard!!!

Miss Sassy said...

LBB at bugsbutt.blogspot.com just had a post about how if we had billboards of Bubba telling us not to drink and drive, maybe we would abid by the law. Thats two posts in one week talking of prison ass rape. I'm on a roll.
I can't wait til he thinks he's cool with the guys for the DUI then tells them he popped you in the face and gets a shank cathader because the guys in prison have standards.

Props to Ethan!!

Did you stay for the steak dinner, or get back in his car to leave the store and get into yours in front of his house!!????

JJ said...

A guy took you to the grocery store on your first date? That's ridunculous.

J R Estelle said...

He made you pay for your own steak? What a cheap fuck!!! I'd have taken you to the best steak house in Atlanta AND paid for it AND not expected ANYTHING in return, except thank you.

What a bastard.

hotdrwife said...

GAWDDAMN, baby!!! That's some news, alright!!

And really, what a cheap bastard. You just don't invite someone out and not pay.

Jackass!!

Amanda said...

Damn, April, are you dating my exes?? Who makes his date pay for her steak AT THE GROCERY STORE?? Oh well, we still know you're fabulous!

judyboody said...

finally some GOOD news and I gotta find out on your blog?? Sammy proves once again what an ignorant shit he is. I didn't know he'd already had two. I take back every nice thing I ever said about him. Let him fuckin rot in jail with his ass in the air and his mouth fulla jizz 24/7. Drunk drivers piss me off BIGtime cuz I've seen the effects first hand....standing in ICU with the mom of a 13 year old bicycle rider who got smacked by a drunk driver, cryin with her later at the funeral. Not to ignore a particular victim who still walks among us on titanium kick-ass limb, shattered physically and emotionally, who had to rebuild her life. Shit, April, it's like getting burned in a fire then finding out your husband sets fires for fun. What an asshole. nO, asshole is too mild a term for him; my ex is an asshole. Sammy is a .....MEGAMUTHERFUCKINLIFESUCKIN SOCIALPARASITE. Guys like him give "redneck" a bad rep. Girlfriend, phone me sometime.

Cheers to Ethan, he's a winner even if the team loses. LUV YA!

The Soviet said...

...with no lube!

It's really not the ass-fucking that's painful (i enjoy it myself), it's more the "with no lube" that makes it really suck for the recipient.

i would have taken the checkout divider and beat that guy's ass with it.

and go ethan!

Jeannie said...

You meet the winners. Yup. I can't believe you didn't just walk out without the steak or the skinflint. But then, being stunned, you probably weren't capable of being rude like that dick.

schmims said...

Do NOT go out with Steak Guy again. Dudes should at least offer to pay for the first date.

D.T. said...

Man, April, tell me, are all the guys in Virgina...dicks? I mean, come on, there's gotta be at least one decent guy there. I mean, besides, your son...

Maine said...

Let me guess... did he also make you do the grilling when you got back to his place? Did he make you engage yourself in conversation? Men are such assholes sometimes.

Congrats to Mr. Ethan. Maybe someday he'll join the list of 8,000 football players that have intercepted passes off of Brett Favre someday...

imgood said...

Maybe you need to shop for guy somewhere else. Try an older guy that's willing to give it all.

Someguy said...

So, what kind of guy are you looking for? Really!

Someguy said...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/53278

Sassy One said...

hmmm a grocery store and paying for your own meat....THERE'S A KEEPER.