Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A note to Big Ben

Dear Ben,

This is my first year playing fantasy football. Even though you made a poor decision to recklessly drive a motorcycle resulting in an accident, my dumbass still drafted you. The first week I put you in only to find out that you wouldn't be playing because your appendix decided it wanted to explode. The next week that you were able to play you got me NEGATIVE points. NEGATIVE MOTHER FUCKER, NEGATIVE!! Instead of dropping you from my roster like a smart person would've done, I kept you on there but on the bench. It was only after 3 weeks of you playing worse than a highschool quarterback, that I finally decided to cut you from my team. And what do you do? You go and score CRAZY points against Kansas City. I thought I had made a mistake by dropping you so luckily I was able to pick you back up. Apparently no one else wanted your ass. I then put you in this past Sunday against Atlanta. Everything was going GREAT until you got knocked the fuck out in the 3rd quarter. Not only were you taken out of the rest of the game, but no one knows if you're going to be playing this week either. Fuck you, Ben. It's hard enough already being the only woman playing in this league, I certainly don't need you fucking with me like this. GET ON THE BALL, BITCH!!!

Fuck You Very Much,
April

8 comments:

The Lily said...

I feel a kind of your pain. My dear alma mater struggles against unranked teams, throwing interceptions and continuously turning the ball over.

AND THEN FSU and BC come up, we're guaranteed a smashing defeat and our clumsy frosh QB throws like a god-damned champ.

Seriously. Where does that get fun? Can't you just win like normal teams against opponents who, by all measures, suck?

NWJR said...

Don't hold back, man...tell us how you REALLY FEEL?

mikey said...

Don't blame yourself. I mean, who knew that Joey Harrington would have a 400+ yard passing day?

Bottom line - you can't depend on or trust any Steelers. Period.

Randi said...

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www.betarandi805.blogspot.com.
Thanks for linking me!

Rumblin Durango said...

Hey, leave my boy Ben alone... what did you do, pick up Tom Brady, your favorite? :)

Dark Damian said...

Honey. When in doubt, always go for the statistical monsters like Peyton Manning. Never pick the winners. Winners do whatever it takes to win the game, and for fantasy football, you want the most selfish, egotisital players in the league.

When in doubt, pick the guy that'll pout.

Word.

Coley said...

The only mentality that will serve you well when enjoying football: Expect the worst. (And, seriously, Ben might be a monster on the field, but this season his karma is set on "self-destruct")
At least that's what keeps me from stabbing my own eyes out watching the Raider's lose against the worst of teams, season afer season.

mojotek said...

Hilarious! But I'm damn sure that exact scenario happened to a TON of fantasy football players who had him on their team.