Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I was violated

Over the weekend my parents septic tank backed up so I called my soon to be ex-husbands uncle, JR, because he owns a septic pumping business. He had no problem coming to pump the tank, but he had his granddaughter, Jenna, with him so I agreed to watch her during the process. After he was done, I told him that I would bring Jenna back to his house later so she could play with Ethan for a while. When I dropped her off, JR invited Ethan and I to have pizza with him and Jenna for lunch. I said sure because I've known the guy for 6 years and he's family via marriage.

Anyway, he started asking me about why Sammy and I split up then asked me what I was looking for in a man. The only thing that crossed my mind when he was asking me this was, "Why the fuck does he wanna know?" I didn't bother going into details with him regarding that because I didn't want him to start comparing his qualities to those that I'm seeking. Then he asked what I feared he would. "What do you think about me and you being together?" WHAT?? IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS??? Not only would that be wrong on so many levels, but fucking disgusting. GROSS!! So I told him that he's just too old for me AND I don't find him attractive. Apparently he didn't get it.

THEN you know what this mother fucker did? He tried to KISS ME!! I felt his slimy, nasty, old man alcoholic tongue touch my lips and I lost it. I got up and decked him right in his mouth. I said, "Mother fucker, don't you EVER try to touch me ever again or I will lay you right the fuck out!!" I grabbed my purse, and I left.

I wanted to puke after it happened, and I wanna puke now just thinking about it. FUCKING GROSS!!!!!!!

The End.

Deep Throat of the Day: Why do old men hit on significantly younger women? Do they think that they'll actually have a chance? Maybe some women like dating men old enough to be their father, I however find it repulsive.


Coley said...

Oh April. Ewwww! Old, nasty, boozey, man tongue? Touched you? This is when we learn that every man really thinks every woman should be grateful for their attention. Just. Gross.
Nice job though, on socking him in the face. Definitely called for.

NWJR said...

At some point--I think it was around 26 or so--I reached the point where, in the words of "Doonesbury", I became "invisible to young girls". Most of us just accept it, but some don't.

A good friend of mine who is in his early fifties insists that he has never had so many young women hitting on him as he does at his age now. I don't know what that's all about, really. Another good friend of mine is in her mid 40's, and she seems to be attracting young guys in their early 20's with alarming frequency.

Love--and physical attraction for that matter--knows no age. I would no sooner dismiss someone simply because of their age any more than I would for their race, their weight, or whether or not they wear glasses. But hey, that's just me. Some people will only date in a very narrow age range, and if that works for them, then so be it. There are a lot of factors involved in attraction, and age is only one factor.

Still...you were right to pop this guy in the face. You already told him how you felt. Stupid muthafucka should have listened. He deserved it.

Randi said...

I'd have bit his tongue off.

Dark Damian said...

OK, here's what's up.

To quote Jerry Seinfeld, all men think of themselves as low-level superheroes. We feel that, given the opportunity, we can do damn-near anything. Now, most men learn to temper that feeling with the cold, cold water of reality, but these are usually the more enlightened men, and by my estimations, relatives of Sammy do NOT qualify for that status.

So THIS guy see you, available, and thinks "Yeah, I got this." Why? Because he's a superhero - in his mind. Why WOULDN'T you want him? I mean, shit - he owns a septic pumping business, he makes good money...by God, he's Sewerman! All the honeys wanna be on his biscuit.

I'm willing to bet that this won't be his last attempt at the Yummy April Goodness, either. Sewermans doesn't take "Mother fucker, don't you EVER try to touch me ever again or I will lay you right the fuck out!!" for an answer.

I bet you wish you carried a Robocop gun in your titanium leg NOW, huh?


Amanda said...

EEEWW! Kick his drunk ass!

Anonymous said...


Stop looking so hot all the time and you'll be fine ;)

Dark Damian said...

Oh yeah - thanks, Macca. That reminded me.

April, do you even KNOW how hot you are? Yeesh. I'm surprised TREES don't hit on you.

"Hey. Pretty lady. I'll make you 'leave' your man. Get it? Leave? Get it? My bite is meaner than my bark.

Kiss me."

Jim McKee said...

Well, I would never hit on you, even though you're a hottie, cuz you're just too young for me. What does that REALLY mean, though? It means that we have had a lot of completely different life experiences, due to being from different generations. So what would we really have in common? I'm assuming he wanted more than just to knock boots... but what do you do when the afore-mentioned boot-knocking is over with? 35-ish is about my lower age limit (I'm 46).

On a related note, what the fuck is it with all these old-ass bitches hitting on me? I do not wanna be with someone who's 55. Ewwww. I'm a pretty young-thinking, young-looking 46. I still crank the music up loud when a great rock song comes on the radio. I guess it would be OK to date sonmeone who's a grandmother, as long as she doesn't LOOK like she's a grandmother. Ewwww and double-ewwww.

js said...

just say, hey dude i'm gay, that should do it!
I think the old guys want a young sexy girl so they feel younger or something like that or hell maybe they just want a young shot of leg who knows. I don't recall ever culling one on account of age unless she was under the legal limit though.
post tickled me!

Miss Sassy said...

Oh My Heck.
I thought my weekend was shit!!!
At least the only indecent proposal I got was from a young built ex-fuck.
Of course Grandpa did molest Grandma a little at dinner. It makes me wanna puke thinking about it even now.
And I'm with you - its my rule to them actually - if you stood between me and my dad and people think you are with him, we don't have enough in common to date, or I need some heavy therapy as to why I want to date my dad.
We thank you for not getting on the news for beating the shit out of him with your "concealed weapon", we'd miss your posts while you posted bail =)

The Lily said...

Oh sugar. That sucks. But Macca's right, you're so hott you gotta pack pepper spray.

Judyboody said...

Well, my new sugardaddy is in his 50s but has these good qualities: 1) he thinks I'm precious and deserve to be spoiled, 2) he's in autos so I can get some work done for free, 3) he smells and dresses nice and 4) when he's between my legs and my eyes are closed, he could be anybody I imagine him to be and 5) he is not fuckin related to Sammy.

Geez, April, what were you thinkin? You coulda got that sewer job for your parents as an early Xmas gift!!! "Merry Christmas, Mom and Mark....NO SHIT!" HAHAHAHA....YES I AM TOTALLY JOKIN WITCHA ON THAT ONE!!!!!

Love ya!

J R Estelle said...

Old men hit on younger women for the obvious reason, sex. Young women hit on older men for the obvious reason, money. That's just my opinion.

hotdrwife said...

I'm washing out my mouth with Clorox FOR you.


That's just plain nasty. Sorry, honey!

Anonymous said...

It's one thing to be in the company of a beautiful woman and another thing to know how to act around a beautiful woman. Sounds like a loser.

Somewhere in Milwaukee.

Ev said...

It's not for sex or superheroism or lust or anything of the sort.

Old men do this because it is the closest thing to immortality. They feel more alive by chasing tail.

It's fucking disgusting, and yet easy to understand in theory.

I'm sorry that shit happened to you infront of the kids. All I can say is April, based on your stories, I would suggest moving the fuck away.

mojotek said...

First of all, I'm judging by the fact that he owns a septic pumping business that he is neither rich nor a snazzy dresser. So you are completely justified in what you did.

Secondly, I'm with Ev. It really does sound like you need a change of scenery.

Kira said...

Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww! It's appropriate that he's into sewage though since he's full of shit for thinking he could get anywhere with somebody so way out of his league.