So I took Kira's advice and I gave myself an enema. Here's the scenario:
I'm in the bathroom on all fours, doggie style if you will, with the bottle inserted into my rectum. When all of the sudden the door busts open and Ethan walked in. (I forgot to lock it AND Ethan "forgot" to knock.)
Ethan: "MOMMY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!"
Me: "Get out of here, Ethan!"
Ethan: "But Mommy, why do you have that thing in your butt and what the heck is it?"
Me: "It's called an enema."
Ethan: "What's a nenema?"
Me: "Not nenema, ENEMA. And it's liquid that you squirt into your butt to make the poop come out."
Ethan: "Does it tickle?"
Me: "No, Ethan. You'll never have anything in your butt that will tickle."
So after about 10 minutes I get the most horrible cramps known to man and I'm on the toilet crying. This time I have the door locked and Ethan's standing right outside of it worried about me.
Ethan: "Are you ok Mommy?"
Me: "Yeah buddy, I just can't get the poop to come out."
Ethan: "You gotta push."
Me: "I am pushing."
Ethan: "Well maybe you're not doing it right."
Me: "If I can push your fat head out of my vagina, I can certainly push a turd out of my butt."
Ethan: "HEY!!! I DON'T HAVE A FAT HEAD!!"
Eventually everything came out ok.
Deep Throat of the Day: Why did the suicidal bunny decide to use MY tire to take his life?