Monday, March 12, 2007

I was doing good

I need to post more. I was doing really good there for a while then Grammy died and I got a little discombobulated. I promise to try and do better.

I decided to go to Victoria's Secret during my lunch break today. BIG MISTAKE!! See, I only get an hour for lunch. It's a 30 minute total trip, there and back. That leaves me with 30 minutes to look around (simple math but I can't assume everyone would know that). Me, being the hate-to-shop person that I am, decided that 30 minutes would be PLENTY of time to find something to buy with my $50 gift card. Which everyone knows that $50 doesn't get you very far in VS. But I got the card for Christmas and knowing me, that bitch will expire before I ever use it. Anyway, I managed to try on 4 bras that didn't fit, about 6 different perfumes that all stunk, a lip-plumper that burned the shit out of my lips rather than plump them, 2 different body glitter things, 3 different eye shadows, who knows how many lotions, and opened one box of perfume that whistled at me. That perfume actually smelled pretty good and the BOX WHISTLED when you opened it. How fucking cool is that?!?!

When I got back to work (25 minutes late) I smelled like a French whore, looked as shiny as a disco ball, and had skin more slippery than a greased pig being chased by a bunch of rednecks. And I STILL didn't use a single penny of my gift card. Now THAT'S the American way right there.

I hope y'all had a wonderful weekend and are having a fantastic day!!

Deep Throat of the Day: A box that whistles. Who'da thunk it.


Rumblin Durango said...

A box that whistles? I think I remember a soft porn movie that involved that subject...

NWJR said...

"When I got back to work (25 minutes late) I smelled like a French whore, looked as shiny as a disco ball, and had skin more slippery than a greased pig being chased by a bunch of rednecks."

I don't know if that's funny or disturbing, but it made me smile! Thanks; I needed that!

Rumblin Durango said...

Gotta love these headlines... April, does this shit make you laugh?

~ Rick

Dark Damian said...

Your box whistles?

I guess that means it's -

OK, you know what? I'm just gonna leave that joke open-ended.

Coley said...

I experienced the same thing the last trip to VS. I couldn't decide whether that perfume box was the greatest thing I'd ever seen, or just the most disturbing.
Then I thought about buying it for my mom. Then realized, she would in NO way find that funny.

And, HELL'S YES, to the posting more often. This bitch needs some entertainment.

A Margarita said...

Haha, I was amused. I have that lip plumper. It burns my lips too, but it makes them look juicy.

Amanda said...

That lip plumper could be used as a torture device. How do you leave without spending any money? I always spend way too much in there!

Kira said...

Oh come on, Amanda! Back me up: IPEX bra. IPEX bra! April, how could you NOT buy an IPEX bra? Those things are comfy if you get the right size.

hehe jsull28fl@yaho said...

are you crackin on the necks?
come on now
why the necks gotta chase greased pigs?
does that mean that your turnin ur back on us necks?
I gotta know
say it

Sassy One said...

That's right...use the free stuff and never spend a dime. That's that way to do it!!

Wish we had a VS close...damn!

Anonymous said...

So many women guess at their size. Be sure to use a tape measure and know for sure.

Wrap the tape measure around your rib cage. Add five to the number. This will be your bra size.

Wrap the tape meaure around the fullest part of the breasts.

Subtract the two amounts. Each is worth one cup size.

While it might sound easy enough to measure yourself, actually a lot of errors can occur. If you follow the above steps and the resulting bra does not feel right, treat yourself to a professional fitting. Most major department stores have professionals on staff for just that purpose.

Just trying to help since I can't be there.

Mojotek said...

My girlfriend can't be trusted in Victoria's Secret. A $50 gift card would be pennies to her in that store. But I'm not complaining... if your woman has to have a shopping habit, at least it can be at a store like that.