Monday, April 09, 2007

French Fried Roses

This morning was the first time at this job that I could actually say that I'm having a bad day at work. Why, you ask? Well hold on to your monitors and let me explain.

See, my job on occasion requires me to perform some therapeutic modalities on patients. These modalities include electromuscular stimulation, ultrasound (for muscles, not babies) and low-level cold laser. Each of these therapies promote blood flow to the affected muscle, ligament, joint or tendon. They also help to reduce swelling and pain. All therapies are performed in this very large room in the back of our office which has 4 tables/beds for people to lay on, a large area for physical therapy exercises to be done, and various pieces of equipment.

Anyway, I had to perform ultrasound on a rather large lady. Her sacroiliac (SI) joint was quite inflamed. The best approach to performing an ultrasound for someone's SI joint is to have them lay in the prone position (face down), squirt the transmitting gel on their gluteal region (buttox), then with the soundhead make a circular motion using slight pressure where I've applied the transmitting gel. Basically my head is within a very close proximity to the patients ass for 8 minutes.

So I'm doing the ultrasound, sitting on my comfy stool, when I smell the nastiest fart I've ever smelled. Now, I can have some foul smelling farts courtesy of my IBS, but this was more foul than even I can claim. Amazingly I managed not to say a word. It wasn't until another patient in the room said, "Dear sweet Jesus!! What's that smell?" It took everything I had inside of me not to laugh. The patient I was performing the ultrasound on yelled, "I FARTED OK!! SO IT STINKS, I BET YOUR FARTS DON'T SMELL LIKE ROSES! NOW GROW UP DAMMIT!"

The room just got silent.

I hope everyone who celebrates Easter had a wonderful holiday weekend. And for those who don't, I hope you had a wonderful weekend too!!

Deep Throat of the Day: Mine never smell like roses, but sometimes they smell like french fries.


V said...


Oh that was FUNNY!!!! I needed that today!!

J R Estelle said...

BAHAHAHAHA - I totally appreciate the fart stories, jokes, etc and yes I'm a 35 year old woman.

Kira said...

Hahahaha! Good stuff :) My nine year old daughter has the most stinky farts ever. I figure she'll impress her husband one day....

My mom once had to do ultrasound on all sorts of folks, and she said that when a patient was overweight, you never knew what you'd find underneath a large flab of old rotting spaghetti and such.

ole js said...

i'm thinkin big momma ate to many boiled eggs for easter!!!!!!!!!
I'm so glad my shit dont stink!

ole js said...

i'm thinkin big momma ate to many boiled eggs for easter!!!!!!!!!
I'm so glad my shit dont stink!

schmims said...

Some of Marit's smell like rotten eggs. They can be nasty. Mine just smell like farts.

NWJR said...

I've never been farted on at work. Reason 1,948 why I love my job.

Randi said...

I'm always afraid I'll fart on my masseuse. Sucks to be you, dude.

Amanda said...

Oh my! Luckily, my SI joint is much better! I guess the gorgeous man in my office this morning is a miracle worker!

mojotek said...

That... was... some... funny... ass... shit.