Thursday, April 26, 2007

This just in....

So I'm in the office, alone, when these 2 very well dressed women walk in the door. All of the sudden, they both unbutton their suit jackets and expose their beautiful breasts to me which I couldn't help but to grab. Next thing you know, we're all making out in some wild, lesbian-ish threesome. Just kidding. But seriously, here's what really happened........

Me: "Good afternoon. How can I help you?"
Woman#1: "Hi, my name is Douche Bag, this is Tampon, and we're with your local telephone company. Is there anyone here we can speak with about your phone service?"

Now before I finish the story, I must tell you that there is a very visible sign on our front door that says NO SOLICITORS.

Me: "No, there's not."
Woman#2: "There's no one here who can discuss your phone service?"
Me: "Um, no."
Woman#1: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Is this a joke? Am I being secretly video taped?"
Woman#1: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "Well, I just answered the SAME question TWICE telling you that there is NO ONE here to discuss our phone service with you and then you go and ask me a dumb ass question like "ARE YOU SURE." You guys don't look like you're dumb enough to be acting the way you are so I figure that I must be having a joke played on me."
Woman#2: "Listen, you don't need to be rude. I just need to speak with someone about your phones."
Me: "And like I've told you THREE DAMN TIMES now, THERE'S NO ONE HERE!! Now turn around and go away and do me a favor, when you shut the door, please make a note of the big sign that says NO SOLICITORS! Just in case you don't know what that means, it means don't come back. Now buh-bye."

Needless to say, they left. I can be such a bitch, I know. But I just can't stand some people. Really.

Deep Throat of the Day: When in doubt ask yourself, "are you sure?"

16 comments:

Macca said...

*Standing Ovation*

jsull28fl said...

damn i was hoping for the hot lez experience!
js

Angela Z said...

Nothing wrong with reminding people of the obvious sometimes. Reading? Seems like not all people understand that concept.

J R Estelle said...

I'm in agreeance with js, lol. yeah solicitors who can't read...classic.

Randi said...

You are so my hero.

Coley said...

April, I absolutely *heart* you for this.

PS I totally know who those people are! (In general, not those two specifically). One of those creepy, "Sales and Marketing" things where people go door to door to lie and connive you into changing business phone service. Very strange. Be glad you avoided any further contact. I think the "creepy" is actually contagious.

Anonymous said...

See, that would have thrown me. I'm an English Lawyer, we call ourselves Solicitors. (your equivalent of an attorney)...
I know lawyers are generally considered scum but I would have found a sign saying "no Solicitors" to have ben slightly harsh... ;)
Beef

jsull28fl@yaho said...

but hey now I was just thinking
first your all on the necks
now your all on the salesmen
shit i can't get a break here
no necks
no salesmen
whats next?????
lets see
no ford truck drivers
no hat wearers
no gun owners
no "heavy" folks
sigh
haaaaaaaaaaaa

Amanda said...

Can you come to my office? Your approach would work well with the procrastinators who demand that I drop everything to do their project immediately.

The Lily said...

I am SO SO glad that someone else gets pissed when someone asks the same question five million times.

I promise my answer isn't going to change. You rock.

minijonb said...

that was awesome...

but i feel teased by the Penthouse forum intro... you got the rest of that story somewhere?

=;-)

Anonymous said...

Maybe there was just something wrong with their hearing.

NWJR said...

I want to hire you. By the time I was done reading that story, I forgot all about the boobies at the beginning. Quite an achievement.

Kira said...

Now THAT was a beautiful retort. I can totally appreciate it. Good job!

Christie said...

sometimes you have to be a bitch. Especially around dumbfucks like that

mikey said...

I was gonna leave a comment, but I wasn't sure...

Oh, wait...