Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Yeah, I know. I know.

It's been a while AGAIN. Sorry. Not that anyone was depending on me to write a post on this damn thing, but somewhere in the depths of my mind, I feel some sort of obligation to maintain this thing I call my blog.

Anyway, other than the fact that I feel like I'm a weirdo magnet, not a whole lot has been going on. Why am I a weirdo magnet? Because I have strange people come into my life, for however long or brief the moment may be, they still randomly pop into my realm.

Weirdo Magnet Story #1.

Yesterday I was in the office by myself and an Asian man walks in....

Dude: "You ha massa terapis here?"
Me: "Our massage therapist will be back on April 9th. Would you like an appointment?"
Dude: "Oh no. She no here wite now?"
Me: "No, I'm sorry sir."
Dude: "I nee massa becaw I jus qui my job. De manager no wike how I work an I tell her dat she is no de boss of me. Her moder is the owna and only she can fiya me. Den she bwing in a fwiend who take all my tip so I don make no money. You understan?"
Me: "Um, sure. Do you.."
Dude: "So now I wan get my leg massa today no nex wee. You ha yellow page?"
Me: "Sure, here you go."

So Asian dude sits in my lobby going through the phone book and calls just about every massage therapist listed in our area. Apparently he didn't have any luck.

Dude: "Why can I find no one to massa me today? Dey all clo or no ha tine fo me."
Me: "Let me look on the internet and see what I can do."

So I typed in massage therapist for this area and clicked on the first link listed. I called them and they had a 4 o'clock appointment available.

Me: "Sir, they have a 4 o'clock appointment if you want it."
Dude: "Gimme da pho. Hi if I can go der at 4 wa you fee schedu fo a owa massa on my wegs an buttox?
Lady: "....."
Dude: "Fee Schdu"
Lady: "....."
Lady: "......"

At which point he gave me the phone and walked out of the office. Why does this shit happen to me? More weirdo stories to follow. I promise.

I hope everyone is doing fantastic and having a wonderful day!

Deep Throat of the Day: That was harder for me to type than for you to read but either way I'm sorry.


Coley said...

I love weirdos who've decided to make their issues into YOUR issues. Apparently, you're just too damn friendly.
Now back to posting regularly, I've got WAY too much time on my hands.

schmims said...

It was definately harder to read because at least you know what you are trying to say!

Fwied Wice.

KBear said...

heheh! you caught the accent perfectly!!!
glad to see youre back (somewhat)

we miss you around here darlin!

Anonymous said...


Jim McKee said...

Never a dull moment!

Amanda said...

Laughing makes my back hurt, but that was worth the pain!

jsull28fl@yaho said...

thats funny
typing was great you must be huked ohn foniks!

Sassy One said...

Yeh, I was reading that in my best asian accent!

Welcome back-ish!

Bill said...

Do you think she was offering a happy ending?

NWJR said...

OK, that's just freakin' weird. Hilarious, though...but freakin' weird.

:::walks off, shaking head:::

mojotek said...

WEGS AND BUTTOX! I wonder what the lady said that pissed him off so.

Canadian Corona said...

April... you nailed that accent! You are always an enjoyable read... thanks for sharing your weirdo stories with me and uncle Internet.

Anonymous said...

the best thing is through the accent i could understood it all! i love it.