Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Bitch be gone

"You're fired."
"We're letting you go."
"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."
"You ain't gotta go home, but you gotta get the hell up out of here."

We found a replacement for the dumb ass who spent the majority of her day yesterday reading magazines about brutality to gorillas. She was nearly in tears because "Gorillas are my favorite animals and I can't believe someone would hurt them like this." So today is the day that her employment here is terminated. For a brief second I started to get that feeling in my stomach like I might be making the wrong choice by firing her. Then I realized that I just had to fart. Don't worry, it didn't stink.....too bad. Please don't feel bad for her. She'll do good at another job. I think selling shoes would be her forte. No, that umm would umm like require umm her to like ummm talk to ummm like umm people. Yeah, it's like that. What's crazy is that she interviewed so damn well. Maybe she's got a twin who lands her jobs by blowing people away in the interview?

In other news, I took Ethan camping this weekend in Pennsylvania. We had a blast. However, when we were at the camp ground I had a little girl say something to me that really just blew my mind.

As most of you know, I have a below the knee prosthetic leg. Since my leg isn't the kind that looks all real and shit, I wear pants out in public 100% of the time. The reason for this is because I don't want to be the center of attention everywhere I go, and trust me on this one, I would. So Saturday afternoon the rain cleared and the sun came out, causing some hot, sticky, nasty humidity. I decided at that I was going to take off my jeans and put on a pair of shorts. And of course, I couldn't walk around the camp ground without being stared at by EVERYONE. I was completely uncomfortable, but at least I wasn't sweating as bad. Anyway, during a trip to the bathroom, this little girl (maybe 5 or 6 y/o) came up to me and said, "My mommy says that you should cover your leg because kids shouldn't have to see it." I *wanted* to say, "Take me to your mommy sweetie so I can shove this leg up her ass." Instead I said, "Well sweetie, I did have pants on but it's so hot that I had to put on shorts. Besides that, my robot leg is way cool and I like showing it off to people because I'm the only one here with one. Don't you think it's cool?" She said, "Yeah!! Does it hurt? Can I touch it?" I told her, "No, it doesn't hurt at all, and of course you can touch it." She touched the titanium and just thought it was the coolest thing ever. No big deal.

I feel bad for that little girl having to grow up with such an ignorant mother who is too scared to tell her kid about prosthetics. No, some children may not understand it, but they can learn to accept it or any other things that make people a little different. Not to mention that I later saw her mother and that bitch had no business wearing shorts either. My fake leg looked way better than either of her cottage cheese covered tree stumps. Bitch!

I hope y'all are having a great week so far!

Deep Throat of the Day: Cock and balls.


Randi said...

By telling the girl you were part Terminator, I think you made a world's more difference to how she will be in the future even though her mother (and that's only half a word) is an ignorant cunt.

NWJR said...

These are the same kind of (pick one: assholes, dickheads, pricks, cunts*, fuckstains) that think I shouldn't take my kid out in public because he has autism.

Fuck 'em. Damn, I got pissed off reading this, but good on you for treating that little girl with respect, and showing her something really cool that she'll never forget. I feel sorry for her that she has such a miserable bitch for a mom.

Oh, and "My fake leg looked way better than either of her cottage cheese covered tree stumps"? BEST. LINE. EVER.

*One of my least-favorite words, but it fits. Sorry if anyone is offended.

J R Estelle said...

Good for you for explaining things to that little girl. I too, hope it made an impression upon her. Her mother on the other hand....my mother says people like that should learn to keep their big mouths shut.

Carmel Beauty said...

Ignore the Dumb Bitches I do!!!

Coley said...

I'm at a loss for words about this crazy bitch. Seriously? Little kids say rude shit all the time from shear ignorance. Aren't parents supposed to be teaching them to NOT react in a shitty way to people who are different from them?
Nice job April. At least someone taught the girl something good.

Anonymous said...

That's the biggest bullshit story I have read on your blog, and I've taken the time to read them all. Don't try and win the sympathy vote from your legion of readers about your pegleg, sweetheart. No mother in their right mind would have told their child about your leg like that, with you being within walking distance and knowing their child would be open and honest enough to just come up to you and repeat it. You are living in a fantasy world. You are writing fiction. You write well, no doubt. But fiction. Don't try and pass it off as anything but.

april said...

Anonymous: I have no reason to lie, nor am I trying to win sympathy from anyone. If you've read my whole blog, then you'd know that not once have I have expected or requested sympathy from anyone. I chose to have my leg cut off so I could have a better quality of life. Therefore I don't even feel sorry for myself let alone expect anyone else to feel sorry for me. I don't know why a mother would tell their child that, but she did and I feel sorry for that child. (unless the kid made it up) Parents do crazy things to their kids, it's in the news everyday. I don't know what rock you're living under, but wake up and face reality. Being a parent I know the things that can come out of a childs mouth. I'm sorry that you're just as ignorant as that girls mother by believing that what happened couldn't have possibly happened. However, I would like to thank you by taking the time to read all of my posts. Where do you find the time?

Maine said...

That's funny. I'm surprised she was there, because, with her 1937 attitude, I'd have expected her to be handcuffed to a stove, barefoot and pregnant.

I dunno. That's probably just a case of a lady talking shit about another lady because she's trying to deflect attention from her own jacked up, ugly shit.

Kira said...

I can testify that there are dumb ass parents who would say that and worse. After all, a year working at DSS will let you meet all KINDS of fun parents!

April, I think you handled that marvelously well. Children are just curious. It's adults who get scared.

js said...

you must ignore all those folks out there that vote Democrat
they are simple minded and easily swayed, see Global Warming.

you had me to the end with "I took my jeans off"

why you down on the female girl woman on account of the hail damage on her steppers?

great post as always

Anonymous said...

screw shoving the leg up her ass. put something up there that will really hurt. like a triton!

Anonymous said...

People are just ignorant. It's a shame. I'm glad you set the child straight.

~art said...

I for one am always open with my kids...............anything they ask I answer to the best of my ability.....otherwise I think you short change your children.
I live in St Pete Fl and if I had a prostetic or a third head growing out of my leg I would still wear shorts when I went out. Why make yourself miserable hot when it clearly is not your problem that someone cannot deal with thier own insecurities and imperfections. Be brave.

KBear said...

she might not have even said it directly to her kid.. she might have said it to another adult, and the kid overheard. and of course they mimic EVERYTHING at that age.

my fiance's aunts were having a conversation about me, and his cousin (6 at the time) repeated it to me. said "my mom says blah blah blah" and repeated it.. they hear things, they repeat it.. im glad you were nice to the little one tho..since she probably didnt know any better.

Sassy One said...

You did far more for that girl then her ignorant mother will ever do in educating her. You handled that really well.

Mike said...


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www.BlogInterviewer.com . We'd like to give you the opportunity to
give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can
be submitted online at http://bloginterviewer.com/submit-an-interview

Best regards,

Mike Thomas

Callie said...

I have been a lurker for a LONG time, but had to comment on this. You handled this wonderfully. I really have nothing else to say, oh wait, except thank you for all your blogging.

mojotek said...

Isn't it amazing what kids will have no problem with AT ALL if just given the chance?

I can't believe that bitch had the gall to say something like that... because something that is a necessity for you makes that cunt-bag uncomfortable.

Maybe she should spend more time teaching her satan-spawn to keep from asking inappropriate questions of strangers.