Last night I almost witnessed one of the coolest things ever.......slugs mating! I say almost because after looking at this video, I realized that I didn't get to see them actually do the deed.
But guess what??? I TOOK PICTURES!!! Because really, how often do you walk outside and see some slugs trying to get it on?? The first thing I thought was, "Get my camera phone....let's take pornographic slug pictures!! Hells yeah bitches!!" Please notice in the pictures the long cord of slime. This is the kind of cord they used in the video to hang from the tree. Also, I've learned that slugs are hermaphrodites. However, before learning this I had given them a single sex. The one running away is the girl, because the boy is always chasing the girl. Unless they're gay of course, but for the purpose of this blog, the girl is Slugga and the boy is Sluggo. Ya dig?
When I first saw them on the wall, they were kinda curled up in a little ball together. I think Slugga was just trying to get away from Sluggo and he was all, "You ain't going no where bitch!" And she was all, "I am NOT fucking you on the side of some brick wall!! What kinda girl do you think I am?! And what are you looking at Stewy Spider? Mind your own fucking business, fat ass!"
Now Sluggo is groveling, "Damn baby girl, I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. You just look so beautiful tonight. The way your body glistens from the flood lights has me all worked up. The smell of your slime is intoxicating. Come here girl and let me show you what Sluggo is all about."
Slugga just wasn't having any of his bullshit. "You know what, Sluggo? Girls want romance. They want a guy who knows how to treat a girl. A guy who will take a girl on a nice stroll up an oak tree, dine on some fresh leaves, ask her how her day was, and treat her like a lady! A LADY Sluggo!! Not some bimbo who will fuck any slug on the side of some dirty brick wall with nasty spiders watching! I have class!"
Sluggo was left all alone on the side of the brick wall. So I hope you've all learned a lesson here........Don't be a Sluggo!