Thursday, April 23, 2009

Posting by bullets

*I still have the same ol' ugly mug. Bell's Palsy didn't plague me again. Guess I worried for nothing. But thanks for your warm wishes. (Even you, Grant)

*Am I the only one who thinks that people in a Smart car look stupid? (not stupid like duh stupid, but like clowns in a clown car stupid)

*Why do companies write "This page intentionally left blank" on pages? It's not technically blank because they wrote "This page intentionally left blank" on it. Why not say, "This page intentionally left without anything of substance because we thought we'd give you one page to the cushion the blow of the humongous bill you're about to see on the next page."

*I do not like foil gum wrappers. I think they're gross and I don't know why. Because of this, I'm not a fan of chewing gum that comes in foil wrappers.

*My title is Posting by bullets, yet asterisks are not bullets. Then again, bullets are not bullets either. They're DOTS!

*One of my coworkers dresses like a hooker.

*Anther coworker has an ass that makes me drool. She caught me staring at it the other day and she asked, "What are you doing?" I replied, "Just zoning out." But I couldn't help it, her ass looked hungry. It must've been because it was eating her pants.

*Joe and I saw Chelsea Handler from the tv show Chelsea Lately do stand-up and let me tell you, she's one funny bitch. Between her, the alcohol, and my tight jeans, I almost pissed myself when I laughed really hard. Which was pretty much the whole time.

*Ethan's doing so much better in his new class. I almost want to call the principal and rub it in her face that it wasn't my son causing the problems, like she said. Fucking bitch. I hope she gets bed bugs and then someone forgets to tell her, "Night night. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

*I love my boyfriend so damn much.

*This post has nothing of substance. Maybe I should've written, "This post intentionally left blank."

50 comments:

Grant said...

My prayer obviously worked. Now, where is my bunny nurse? If you renege on a Satanic pledge, you get hit with a Voodou curse from Zorzan. Make with the bunny, or I lay upon you the curse of anal sex.

Note - since I'm a nice guy, I'll let you decide whether you or your boyfriend is on the receiving end.

PS - how much does your coworker charge by the hour? How about the minute? (I don't think I can last an hour) Is she Asian? Answer the last question first.

April said...

Grant: I promise when I find a bunny, I will box her up (willingly or not) and send her your way. As for the co-worker, she's not Asian and unfortunately she only dresses like a hooker, not practice like a hooker. She is dressing this way because she's banging one of the doctors we work with. She is married and he's in a long-term relationship. Drama, drama.

Southern Sage said...

glad you didn't get the funk again!
Also glad that school deal is getting better.

Nothing wrong with ass staring!

Jim McKee said...

I will respond by number... it will be your challenge to match them up accordingly!

1. That's great news!!!

2. Don't know if you're the only one, but I like the Smart (not as much as the Mini, though). But that's just me, I like small cars.

3. They might do that for purposes of duplexing. Certain print processes require the number of pages of a document set to be an even number, or else it gets all screwed up. I know this because I work with this kind of stuff. That said, the company I work for doesn't use the "intentionally left blank" message, but I can understand that someone might get nervous sending a blank page.

4. I only chew sugarless gum these days, so I never have to deal with foil wrappers.

5. No, bullets are wizards. (Think NBA)

6. You say that like there's something wrong with it (he said leeringly)!

7. I feel the same way about my finacee's posterior. She thinks it's too big, but I like it ass is (LOL, sorry, I couldn't resist!)

8. Not familiar with it. Have been considering watching Better Off Ted, because the little snippets I've seen while waiting for Lost to come on have been HYSTERICAL. However, I think I'll wait to see if gets renewed... I get pissed off when I become interested in a show and they cancel it.

9. Good. Maybe they'll be KILLER bedbugs, and there will be TEN MILLION of them.

10. That's really cool!

11. Not really true. I found it amusing, and I'm sure others will, too.

R said...

Love it, love it, love it. Thanks for a GREAT post.

hotdrwife said...

The only thing I envy about those Smart Cars is how easy they fit into the smallest of parking spots. Otherwise, nope.

Amanda said...

I'm so jealous right now. I have no idea what any of the other bullets...er, asterisks?...say because YOU SAW CHELSEA! I love her! I want to be her when I grow up! OMG! You're so damn lucky!!

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