Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Office Memo

Dear Coworkers:

I understand the fax machine is located in my office. However, there's some things we need to get straight:

NO you do not have to ASK me to use the fax. That also means it's not OK to stand there while I'm on the phone, waiting for me to hang up, just to ask if it's OK to use it.

YES you have to put the paper face down. Just as the note I've written (and put in clear site) reads my favorite sexual position "FACE DOWN".

NO I do not know if your fax has gone through, please check yourself.

NO I do not know why it always says SLEEP in the little window, so please do not ask me every single time you come in to use it.

NO I do not know how to fix it when it's not working.

YES I know how to use it but that does not mean I will send all of your faxes for you. Do it your damn self...it's a fax machine, not rocket science!

NO it is not my job to delegate where all the incoming faxes go.

NO I am not responsible for maintaining it's paper supply.

This is the fax for the entire office! It just so happens that my office is the most space friendly environment for it to be in. I am not responsible for it nor am I it's keeper. WE as a whole are responsible. So PLEASE do not pester me every.single.motherfucking.time you come into my office to use the fax machine! And just to make things clear because after YEARS some of you still don't know:
1.put paper face down
2.dial the number
3.hit start

YES, it's that damn simple!

Thank you very much for your time and cooperation. Please have a wonderful day!

The Office Bitch


John said...

I feel bad for anyone who has to work with a stupid cunt like you.

fyrchk said...

Methinks John has a small pee-pee and he's making himself feel better by attacking other people.

Amanda said...

Can I post this in my office? I'll change "fax" to "color printer" :)

R said...

"1.put paper face down
2.dial the number
3.hit start"
With just a few minor adjustments in wording, this could be instructions for a really fun evening.

Anonymous said...

lol @ fave position!
go girl!
John is a doo doo head

Grant said...

You might as well get used to it, or move. When my cubicle was located across from the empty cubicle with the coffee maker and microwave, I was immediately made the Food Master. "Yes, you can have some coffee. Yes, you can use the microwave. No, all those little signs telling you the guy the next row over is in charge of that area don't mean squat. Sure, fill my garbage can with your empty wrappers when I'm not guarding my cube."

I recommend you quit and enter the sex trade. It's bound to be less frustratng.

Anonymous said...

Yes but which way do you put it face down? Heads in or heads out?


your evil former coworker