Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Numbers

I was blog surfing the other day and I came across this post from Isabella Snow at Smut in G Minor. You really should go there and read the post along with the comments. The post asks if the number of sexual partners a potential mate has had bothers you or not. It bothered Isabella because:
"A man who has slept with 50 women has zero self-control, as far as I'm concerned; which is never, ever sexy. That, and he's probably a skank, as well. (Can you say STDs?) I've known men who claim to have fucked loads of women like this and it always makes me sick. Are you guys totally ruled by the cock, or what? If yes, you're not man enough. If no, eh, there's bound to be something wrong with you, so piss off anyway."

In my opinion, anyone who brags about the number of people they've slept with, probably isn't a quality person. Not because they've slept with a bunch of people, but because sleeping with people is how they define their being. Somehow they feel justified by their number.

However, in general I don't believe that someone's number defines them. There's SO MUCH MORE to a person than the number of people they've slept with. To be honest, I think it's ignorant to say 'yay or nay' to dating someone based on that. And really, do you come right out the gate with, "How many people have you fucked?" right when you meet someone? Is this high school?

If I met a guy who was 100% interested in me, treated me great, smart, kind, faithful, funny, good-hearted, and just an all around good guy (which I'm happy to say I have), then really, his number is irrelevant. It doesn't define him. Why should it be important to me that in his past he's had his fair share of women? What's important is that he's interested in ME and wants to be with ME.

As people grow and mature (well most of us, anyhow), you start to realize what's most important to you. In someone's early 20's, maybe they were only looking to have sex; not wanting to settle down. So they meet people who they have chemistry with and sleep with them. Is that a lack of self-control? I don't think so. Saying it's a lack of self-control is the social stigma that's been placed on sex. Too much of it with too many people is a bad, bad thing and apparently to some people, it defines you. I'm sure there are some people who do sleep around because of some mental issues, but you can't pin that on everyone with high numbers.

Someone wrote in the comments that they feel if a person's slept with a lot of people, that person is probably insecure. Well I think that a person might have some insecurities if they need to know someone's number. As a mature adult, I don't feel the need to know these things. I've never asked Joe. Why? Because I don't care. How many women he's fucked isn't what defines him. It wouldn't change the fact that he's a wonderful man who treats me like gold and is 1000% committed to me. It wouldn't change my feelings for him one bit, as it shouldn't.

Sorry if this post was kinda all over the place, as I was having a hard time putting all my thoughts into understandable sentences.

Deep Throat of the Day: I'm getting off my soapbox now.

7 comments:

Andrea said...

Erm...there's a whooooole lot written there to be quite angry about in my world. Yup. There is.

All the talk of self control, the opinion that women have more of it than men, the statement "...IME I've found that once a slut, always a slut. :)", etc and so forth. Then claiming to be open minded and liberated? Hmmm...not very self aware. IMO. :)

(Does the smiley face really make it better?)

Andrea said...

Angry is the wrong word. I just thought about it. I'm just in a surly mood is all.

I just found it interesting and contradictory as I read, her own views and statements. But not enough to be angry about. Sheesh.

Grant said...

I noticed she asked if guys were ruled by their genitals, then immediately decided that both answers would be wrong and that she hated guys anyway. I can't wait to friend her on facebook.

April said...

Andrea: You can be angry if you want and yes, ending with a smiley face ALWAYS makes everything better instantaneously!

Grant: Well at least we know that you're not ruled by your genitals. You're ruled by Bunnies who kick ass! =) Why aren't you my friend on Facebook? Do I gotta hate you and your genitals just to get a friend request?

Hubman said...

I don't understand the fixation with numbers. Seriously, who cares? As I commented on the other blog post, I've been a woman's 5th partner and a woman's 100th+ partner- they are both women that I know, respect and consider good friends to this day. Who cares what the numbers are?

I appreciate your viewpoint much more than Isabella's :-D

Randi said...

To quote George Michael, "Sex is natural, sex is fun."

I'm with you on the bragging thing. I wouldn't care how many but if that's my man's claim to fame then no thanks.

Britni TheVadgeWig said...

I've addressed this topic before, too. I personally think that the number of people I've slept with is no one else's business. It shouldn't matter. It shouldn't define how they feel about me. If you like me, you like me. Who cares what I've done in the past? What I do isn't who I am.

I'd rather be someone experienced and sexually open than prude and conservative anyway, but that's just me.

As for people that feel the need to brag about the number of people they've been with? I would say that they're probably lying!