Before I start with the bulk of the post I want to say that I appreciate all Moms/Dads be them stay at home or working. Now on with the post.
I was over at the lovely Another Suburban Mom's blog (ASM from here on out) reading this post. It's her response to an answer Sage gave to a question asked by a reader over at the Hot Dads blog.
The reader asked the Hot Dads the following question:
"I often hear men say (or write in their dating profiles) that they want an independent career-oriented woman. I’m one of those women in some ways, but I’m also a mom, naturally nurturing AND I kinda like taking care of a man and being domestic on some level too. Do you think most men really value the warmth that women can bring to a home/relationship? Or have we socially arrived at a place where we need to be partners – equals – on the career front in order to be equal on the homefront?"
Sage responded with:
"I think that roles should be defined in full up front. Not that you shouldn't help each other but someone is responsible for somethings and the partner responsible for others. There is no possible way I could raise my kids as good as the bride can. So we let her do most of that! If the roles are pre defined then everything seems much easier and in my observations works out better. The folks who just go willy nilly and do the 50/50 thing never seem to work.
It also seems to me that some groups chose to downplay the role of the mother. The movements here in the US seem to pressure women to be the soccer mom and the career mom. These things are driven by other women. Odd really. My thoughts are that the number 1 and absolutely most important job is parenting. I don't care what anyone says one parent available for the children 24/7 turns out better kids. Most people choose luxury of dual paychecks over better raised children. So I come down on the side of the kids first. There is no intelligent person that will say that having 2 cars and a pool and nice house is better than being there for your kids. We will never make that decision. We don't have toys but our kids know where our priorities are."
There are so many issues I have with this comment and I don't know where to start. I guess the first thing is the blanket statement, "..having one parent available for the children 24/7 turns out better kids." I disagree with this for so many reasons. As I commented on ASM's blog, it takes a certain kind of woman to be a good stay at home mom. Not all women are cut out for that. Does that mean these women who aren't cut out to be SAHMs shouldn't have children? Absolutely not. Some women need to have an identity other than "mom". They need to have interaction with other grown ups (not just other moms) throughout the day. Even the happiest SAHM will tell you that.
Besides that, I've read several studies that show conflicting results (happier kids at day cares/happier kids at home). That leads me to believe that it really just depends on the kid and the parents. (again with my theory that all women are not cut out to be stay at home moms)
One person commented on ASM's post, "The fact is happy parents make happy kids." This is so true.
I've spent almost half of Ethan's life being a single mom. I'm glad that I've never taken a long period of time off of work to be a SAHM because once shit went sour between my ex-husband and I, I didn't have to start all over with my pay scale and seniority.
Another thing about Sage's comment that bothers me is to suggest that a working mother places work as a higher priority than being a mom. That's absolute bullshit. My son is and always will be my #1 priority in life. Just as I commented on ASM's post; Who leaves work when the school calls? Mom. Who takes the day off when you wake up with a sick kid? Mom. I've gone on every single field trip Ethan's had. I've chaperoned every single thing that I could when the school's asked for chaperones.
My son knows he can depend on me to be there for him any time he needs me. Period. I don't need to be a SAHM for him to know that. I don't need to be a SAHM for my son to be my #1 priority. Shit, I went to college to get a degree so I could earn a good living so I could financially support him by myself. Sure there have been tight times, but he's always had a roof over his head, clothes on his back, food in his mouth and my unconditional love. The necessities.
The next issue I have with Sage's comment is this part, "Most people choose luxury of dual paychecks over better raised children." When the hell did dual paychecks automatically become a luxury? When I was married dual paychecks were a necessity. I know this for a fact because when my ex-husband lost his job, we had to lose our (small) house (without a pool) because we couldn't afford to live in it on my income alone. Before losing the house we had our electricity and water both turned off several time, but I guess they're luxuries too? Sure there are some families who live with dual paychecks being a luxury. But making the blanket statement that people who have the "luxury" of having dual paychecks are all living in nice houses with pools, well that's just down right ignorant.
This post is really all over the place and I apologize for that. I've never claimed to be a good writer. And let's face it, you guys probably come here just to laugh at my grammatical errors anyhow. So, if you want to read a well written post that includes the additional things I want to say, go to ASM's post I linked above. She's said everything I'm thinking, only better.
But I do have one question for you, Sage. If the wife stayed home to take care of the kids while the husband worked and they couldn't afford it so they got government assistance, would that be ok in your book? I know how you are about paying for other people's living.
In other news, in just a few short hours we're going on VACATION!! WOO HOO!! It's a nice mini beach trip, just the two of us. Oh, but I guess that makes me a horrible parent for going on vacation without my son, doesn't it? Either way, it's a well needed vacation for both myself and Joe. And I can't fucking wait!
I hope everyone's having a nice week.
Deep Throat of the Day: Me Sage. You wife. You cook. *grunt* You clean. You breed. *grunt grunt* You take care of babies. Sage work. *grunt* Watch out, Sage. Next thing you know, they'll be calling you up to be in the Geico commercials. HAHAHAHAHA I crack myself the fuck up sometimes!