Tuesday, July 07, 2009

TMI Tuesday #194 & 11 years ago

1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?
*This is horrible. It was in the back of a Bronco in the parking lot of Ft. Myers High School after All County Band tryouts. Yeah, us band geeks had our bad side too.

2. How often do you lie?
*I don't lie much. I think being a liar is one of the worst things you could possibly be.

3. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?

*I'd prefer to be both, as I've been told I am. But if I had to choose one, I'd choose being smart. You can't be good looking forever......

4. Have you ever passed out or suffered memory loss from drinking too much?
*Back in the day I know I've passed out from too much drinking. I've also not remembered all of what went down. I could remember some, but not all.

5. Top or bottom?
*Both are awesome.

Bonus: Do you have any catalogs for toys/videos/lingere delivered to your home?
*No, but I do have toys delivered to my home. *wink wink* (product review coming soon)

Go here if you wanna play in the TMI fun!

In other news, 11 years ago today, I gave birth to the cutest, bestest little boy in the whole wide world! I remember the day so well. I woke up early to go with my sister, who was visiting from Philly, to court for our brother. I drove to down town Ft. Myers and met up with her in front of the courthouse. We had some time to spare so we decided to grab a bite to eat at a little café. We went in and ordered our food. While they were preparing it, I needed to pee so I went to the restroom. I tried to turn on the light but the bulb was burned out so I called for my sister to come in use her lighter for light. (it's hard to pee in the dark when you're all big and pregnant) She was standing there holding her lit lighter while I was going pee. When I was done, I pulled up my panties and my overalls (I lived in those things when I was preggers) and was just finishing the last clip of the strap when I felt a POP GUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!!! "HOLY SHIT!" I yelled. I think I just pissed myself.

My sister brought the lighter down to the floor and there was a puddle of liquid. She said, "Damn, Sis. You really had to go, huh?" The liquid kept coming out so I knew it wasn't pee. I told her, "I think my water just broke." She said, "Shut the fuck up! You better not be fucking with me like you did yesterday." (I played a joke on her the day before) "No, I'm serious!" We opened the door to get more light and realized that the liquid was green. We both started freaking out because green water can't be good. I asked the girl behind the counter if I could use their phone and I called my doctor's office. When I told the nurse my water was green she said, "You need to get here right away!"

That's when I went into hyper speed. I grabbed my sister and said, "We need to go NOW!" The girl behind the counter said, "Is your name April?" I replied with, "Yes." She said, "I'm Jenny Green, we were in kindergarten together." YAAAAAAAAAAY! Jenny Green! No time for fucking reunions Jenny, I got green water pouring out of my pussy and a baby ready to bust outta this bitch! (complete coincidence that her last name matched the color of my water) I didn't say that, of course. She told us not to worry about paying for the food, we didn't eat anyway, and wished me luck. I asked for a garbage bag because I wasn't going to get amniotic fluid on my car seat. (If you're reading this Jenny, sorry you had to clean up my pregnancy goo.)

My sister grabbed my keys and pulled the car around to the front of the café. I laid the garbage bag down on the passenger seat and hopped in. She looked at me and said, "Ok, which way do I go?" I thought oh fuck no, this place is a bunch of one way streets. Not to mention that my car was a stick, which she wasn't the best at. I told her, "I'll drive!" We did a Chinese fire drill, me carrying my garbage bag and off we went. I was a pregnant Jimmie Johnson flying down the streets. We got to the hospital and many pushes and hours later, Ethan Tyler was born.

Happy 11th Birthday, Boogie!

The End.

8 comments:

{{ d a n i m o }} said...

LMAO! "no time for fucking reunions, jenny, i got green water pouring out of my pussy!" and "if you're reading this, jenny, sorry you had to clean up my pregnancy goo." LMFAO. . . i don't even remember your tmi answers anymore. ethan's birth story was just so hilarious. xP

ohhh yeah! i was gonna giggle at your first time story. it's not that bad. :)

{{ d a n i m o }} said...

oh and -- DUH, danimo! -- happy birffday to ethan! ^_^

Randi said...

Sounds like an incredible birth story, dude! Happy birthday, Ethan!

Hubman said...

Happy birthday to your little man!!

Been told you're both? I believe it :-)

Southern Sage said...

Happy birthdayyyyyyyyyyyy eathan!

The Soviet said...

band nerds are the freaky deaky! love it. i say that because i was one, too. me and brandy harris getting all gropy on the bus to the mel torme concert in salt lake city. awwwwwww, yeah.

happy birthday ethan! i can't believe he's already 11!

hotdrwife said...

Happy (belated) birthday, Ethan! You've done a great job, mama.

PS I remember some freaking shit going on during Band practices and events.

Joe Nobody said...

holly shit I had a female friend I went to college with from Fort Myers High School.