Friday, August 28, 2009

What happens in the mind of April over 5 days

Ethan left Sunday morning to go with his dad, dad's girlfriend, and her parents to the beach for a week. Sunday evening he called me to let me know they got there just fine, how long and boring the ride was, and to tell me he loves me. Before hanging up the phone I asked him if the number on my caller-id is the number to where I can reach him. He asked his dad and told me yes. (important note: there are 4 adults with him, not one has a cell phone.)

The following is what went through my mind from Monday to this morning:


9:00 pm: I haven't heard from Ethan yet tonight. Maybe I should call him? I wonder if he's sleeping? I just talked to him yesterday and I bet he's worn out from playing on the beach. I'll just call him tomorrow.

8:00 pm: I'm going to call my boogie. Shit, there's no answer. Maybe they're out eating dinner. I'll try back later.
10:00 pm: Dammit! It's too late to call now. I'll call tomorrow.

7:30 pm: I just called and there's still no answer. Why hasn't he called me? It's been 3 days since I've talked to him. Maybe he's just having a blast and is exhausted. But still someone should answer the phone there. I'll try again later.
8:30 pm: Still no answer. What the fuck? I'll try before I go to bed.
9:45 pm: They've got to be home by now. JESUS! No fucking answer again! Where the fuck could they be? Maybe they turned the ringer off on the phone and forgot to turn it back on? Joe tells me not to worry, but how can I not worry? I'll try again in 20 minutes.
10:30 pm: Oh my god, still no answer. This is ridiculous. What if something bad happened and Sammy doesn't want to tell me? He'd better tell me if something happened to my baby. I gotta go to bed and stop freaking the fuck out.


8:30 am: I'm going to try calling now. STILL NO ANSWER! Oh no, what if he got pulled under the water by a strong undertow? What if he fell of his boogie board and broke his neck and they've all been at his bedside in the hospital? Why the fuck don't they have a cell phone? Everyone has a fucking cell phone. Those bastards! Maybe I'll put them on my plan just so I can talk to Ethan when he's with them? I need to calm down and call later.
6:45 pm: No motherfucking answer. Oh my god. Something horrible has definitely happened because he definitely would've called me by now. Let me check the caller-id again for the umpteenth time. Nope. No calls since Sunday. I swear to god if something bad happened to him and Sammy didn't tell me, I'm going to kill him.
7:30 pm: I'm going online to look up the name that showed up on the caller-id. OK, there is the number for the timeshare place. Dammit, they're not answering either. Let me try to call Ethan again. No answer! Jesus christ I'm going crazy. I've never went 4 days without talking to my son. He definitely would've called me by now. I'm going to call again later. They've got to be there.
8:30 pm: Again no answer. I want to cry. No crying, I'm probably just overreacting. I gotta get my shit together and stop thinking my son is dead or paralyzed.
9:30 pm: These motherfuckers better answer the damn phone!
10:30 pm: Oh my god, where are they? Should I google his name online to see if any of the local papers there did a write up about his death, disappearance or injury? Ok, I guess it's good that I didn't find anything on google.


2:36 am: I cannot sleep not knowing if there's anything wrong with my baby. Dear lord, please let my boy be ok, I couldn't handle it if anything happened to him. Please do not take out all I've done wrong in my life on my son. Is there even a God? I don't know, but I suppose it's worth praying just in case. I need to go back to sleep and stop worrying. He's ok and I'm sure I'm overreacting.
4:48 am: Ok, I really need to sleep. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation that's going to make me feel like an idiot. I'm going to call the resort first thing in the morning. OH, I have an old cute saved message of Ethan telling me he loves me on my voicemail. At least I can hear his precious voice.
7:30 am: No answer in their condo again. Five days. I've not talked to my son in 5 days. Something must be wrong. I cannot deal with this, I'm making myself crazy. I'll try again before I leave.
8:30 am: OH MY GOD THERE'S STILL NO ANSWER. What if Sammy kidnapped him? He wouldn't do that. They've got a house, a baby, and one on the way. But if he did kidnap him I will hunt him down and torture him.
9:30 am: Let me try the resort's number again. Why isn't anyone answering?? Let me look online and see if there's a different number. There is. If someone answers I need to keep my shit together. Oh good, someone answered. Oh no, here come the tears. FUCK I CAN'T SPEAK, I'M CRYING SO HARD. She must think I'm crazy. WHAT? SHE CAN'T FIND THEIR NAME? OH MY GOD WHERE IS HE?? OH FUCK, I'M LEAVING WORK AND DRIVING TO SOUTH CAROLINA! Hold? She wants me to hold? Fuck lady, I haven't talked to my son in five fucking days and he may be dead or kidnapped or paralyzed and you want me to hold? Yes, I'll hold. YAY SHE FOUND THEM! Please connect me to their room.

The ex answered and I got to speak to my boogie. Turns out the number on the caller-id was only an outgoing number. To reach them you've got to call the main number and give an extension. No one told me that. He wanted to know why I was crying and I told him because I made myself worry to death because I couldn't get in touch with him. He said that he meant to call me the last few nights but he fell asleep before he remembered to call. I dried my eyes and seriously considered making an appointment with a shrink. I've got issues.

Deep Throat of the Day: I didn't used to be this way. What happened?


Grant said...

I'm sure that, since you spoke with him, absolutely nothing bad has happened, such as stumbling in front of a bus and being raped by a rabid panther with AIDS. Just put it out of your head.

R said...

Five days? Inexcusable. Anyone using an excuse on me like, "I fell asleep before I remembered to call" would be considered a defense for my murder trial. No jury of my peers would convict me.

He's YOUR son. YOU have expectations, and even if others think those expectations may be unreasonable, it doesn't FUCKING MATTER!

YOU have nothing to apologize for. NOTHING. You don't have issues, the inconsiderate asshats that kept you from talking to your son for five days do. The fact that they can get you to think that's YOUR problem is remarkable.

That's how I see it, anyway.

beanery said...

I'm with R. His dad or one of the other adults there should have made your son check in at least once within those 5 days. I find that unbelievably irresponsible on their part.

f1trey said...

your normal........ :)

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