Wednesday, September 23, 2009

25 to life

Is the sentence I would've received had I beat the shit out of these bad ass kids last night. Twice a month I do screenings at an upscale gym for my old boss. This gym is AMAZING. The daycare has about 15-20 computers among many televisions and other toys. In addition they have a pool, rock wall, classes, and a bazillion other things for children to do. So, there are more kids in this joint than I've ever seen in a gym before. And they're BAD.

Every.single.kid there is loud, screaming and running through the halls not listening to their parents who merely say, "Stop it please." Yeah right, that's not going to work on these kids. Every time I go I get disgusted by these little fuckers. Last night was no exception.

On the table I sit at I have a little dish printed with the office name that's filled with candy. Children always walk up to the table and stare me down with that "I'm taking this candy and there's nothing you can do about it bitch" kinda look. They take the candy and walk away. There's no asking politely, "May I have a piece of candy, please?" No no, not politely or at all! They don't even ASK! The parents don't even make them ask. They don't even ask the parents if they can have the candy! All of this is very appalling to me.

So last night there's a family of loud, obnoxious fuckers sitting on the couches and chairs behind my table. The kids start yelling and acting like freaks, "CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY!!!!" They're SCREAMING while I'm trying to talk to other people. I was getting ready to scan one guys feet, which is the screening I do, when one fucker jumps in between me and the guy ON TOP OF MY SCANNER and grabs a piece of candy and screams "CANDY!!!!!!!!!" I wanted to beat the ever lovin' fucking snot out of this little asshole. Let me tell you. Him, his brothers, sisters, and his asshole parents too. I seriously wanted to take out the whole family in one big sweep. I'd jump up in the air and be suspended while I kick my feet Matrix stye. One by one, but quickly, I'd fuck them all up. The imagination's great.

I sternly told the boy to "get the hell off my equipment!" and I took my candy away right in front of their eyes. Then I shot his dickhead parents the evil eye and wished bad things upon them in my mind because THEY DIDN'T SAY A WORD TO THIS LITTLE BASTARD! I think they knew it too. Little fucker BROKE my scanner! Well, it belongs to my boss, but still it's BROKEN!! ASSHOLE!

Honestly, it's not just that one family with horrible kids. It seems like EVERY.SINGLE.KID in that joint is a bad mannered, screaming assfuck. Seriously. What the fuck is going on? Doesn't anyone teach their children how to act in public, how to be respectful, and how to listen? Or is the next generation going to be full of more assfucks than we know what to do with?

Deep Throat of the Day: Am I going to hell for calling kids, assfucks?


A Margarita said...

Nah, I bet you get a straight shot to Heaven.

Hubman said...

It's unbelievable what parents will let kids get away with. We pulled DB out of Cub Scouts because the kids, even the den leader's kid, were disrespectful little brats.

You've got more restraint than I do, I would have been sounding off at the assfucks parents!

R said...

You may hate me for this, but here we go. The keywords are in your first paragraph: "Upscale Gym" and "Daycare". WTF?

We are living in a time of unprecedented prosperity. Personally, I think a little poverty would do us all good. If the financial system ever DOES totally collapse and we're walking around selling apples and growing our own gardens instead of living in a world of widescreen TVs and sending our kids to daycare while we go to "upscale gyms" (instead of, you know, playing football in the backyard with our kids), maybe we'll learn what's REALLY important. Maybe our kids will learn that we care about them more than our six-pack abs that we got by spending ridiculous amounts of money to get exercise that's free if we just go outdoors. Maybe we'll all realize that it's not the shit that matters, it's how we treat each other.

Bah. I'm starting to sound like a cranky old man, but let me tell ya...I'm glad I'll be dead before this generation really takes over. Bunch of ungrateful ingrates and selfish little brats. The smart kids from loving families don't stand a chance against these pricks.

April said...

Margarita: I don't know about a straight shot, but hopefully I get there one way or another!

Hubman: I REALLY wanted to say something to the parents, but I was representing the office and I didn't want to piss the gym people off. Believe me when I say that my look was worth about as much as the mean words I should've said to them.

R: Of course I'm not going to hate you for that. I actually agree with you. And you don't sound like a grumpy old man at all.

Andrea said...

Years ago I worked in a department store. And this kid was leaning way out of his Mom's buggy thinger to hit me with a poster. I gave him a look. He did it again. I gave him another look, he did it again. I laughed and said "You accidentally hit me with your poster, please stop." The Mom looked up, saw kid leaning out of the buggy thinger and said nothing. Kid hit me again.

I removed the poster from him hands and said "Please, do not hit me with this poster. Thank you." and handed it back to him nicely. His mother pushed the buggy thinger away and 5 minutes later I got a talking to from a supervisor for "Being mean and scary to a child."

Something similar happened when a kid was hitting me with a door as their parents watched. They never said a word, I finally asked the kid to be careful with the door and stop hitting me with it, then the kid cries and the parents hold him and console him. No apology to me for putting up with being hit with a door repeatedly.

I'm apparently a big scary mean child hating bitch. Luckily my niece hasn't picked up on that fact.