Friday, September 25, 2009


I was over at In The Real World Venus vs. Mars and I came across Sage's post. This inspired me to write my own post on the topic, because as of lately it's been quite relevant for me.

I am an amiable person. I enjoy doing things for other people and making others happy. This is why when I was married, I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, made the ex's lunch, and in the winter I would start his car and warm his clothes before he left. I loved doing these things for him because it made his day start off easy and made him happy. All of that came to a screeching halt when he stopped appreciating what I did for him and started expecting it.

This is why I told Joe there were a few rules that he had to agree to before I moved in. The rules were as follows:
* We cannot go to bed mad at each other. (a well known, but very solid rule)
* No lying. (regardless of how much the truth may hurt sometimes, being lied to is far worse, in my book)
* We must give each other sex when the other person wants it. (sex is a great thing with a positive end result for both parties, so why not?!)
* Never stop appreciating what I do for you.

I told him that I will be the most wonderful girlfriend (or wife in the future) in the world to him forever and ever. But once he stops appreciating me and what I do for him, then things go sour quickly. I love cooking for him, doing his laundry, making him coffee, getting up when I'm all comfy on the couch to make him peanut butter toast, stopping at the store to pick up something for him, etc. He appreciates that I do these things for him, and I hope he always does.

Which brings me to this last week. Maybe it's Aunt Flo's fault with all of the bitchiness she brings, but this last week I've been having to make myself think straight. See, I go to work every day and then come home, immediately cook dinner and then go over Ethan's homework with him and spend some quality time with him before he has to go to bed. By the time I get to relax, it's 9-9:30. That's a long day, ya know?

Three to four days a week I get off of work around 6:30, sometimes 7:00. Joe gets off around 3:00 just about every day. By the time I get home, he's had all kinds of time to sit and relax. If I don't have to stop by the store on my way home for something we need or that he's asked me to pick up, I get home about 10 minutes after I leave work. The minute I walk in the door, I start cooking dinner. Every day this week, I've been having these shitty thoughts like, "If he gets off so damn early, why can't HE stop by the store on his way home and pick up this shit?" and "He's been home for hours and I've gotta rush home and cook dinner? Why doesn't he get this shit started?!"

I suppose that could be a valid point of view. But what I have to remember is that not only does he appreciate that I stop by the store, come home and cook dinner, but all of the things he does for me. He picks Ethan up from the after school program for me just about every single day. He takes him to baseball practices for me and gets him started on his homework. He rubs my neck and back when they're sore. Financially, he pays for the majority of the mortgage and utility bills. He would do anything for me, any time. He does cook and clean and help with the laundry. He loves on me like no other man has loved on me and treats me far better than I've EVER been treated. EVER! He is a wonderful man and makes me truly happy.

So, while I made sure to stress that he can never stop appreciating me, I forgot to stress to myself that I cannot stop appreciating him. Well, for this week, anyway. And only in my head. I've not said anything to him, I've just thought it. But if you're reading this, Joe, please know that I do appreciate you immensely and I love you with all my heart!

Moral of the story: Don't be quick to stop appreciating your significant other just because you're starting your period.

Deep Throat of the Day: I'm so damn lucky!


Grant said...

I'd have to amend the rules to say that both parties have to be in the mood for sex, but that masturbation in times of need is okay. I can't imagine having to perform while I'm having one of my days filled with shart attacks.

April said...

Grant: Of course there have been some times when each of us has not had sex when the other person wanted it. And that's OK because usually, there's valid reasons. Only once has sharting been the reason. I wrote that rule due to having this issue in a past relationship. I found myself BEGGING for sex and that is completely unacceptable.

Barefoot Dreamer said...

Hey April,

can you email me. I can't respond on your comment- it shows up as "no reply"

Jim McKee said...

Well, don't stare too long, you might get something unpleasant in your eye. (Had to tease you, re: your second-to-last paragraph.)


April said...

Jim: HAHAHAHAHA!! Good one! I fixed it. That's so funny. I read your comment and was like, WTF is he talking about. Then I read it and laughed out loud! Too funny!

Southern Sage said...

Well now I KNOW you'll name ur next son child Sage! I was pretty sure with my stunning political analysis Sage was a likely name but now I'm sure!

It is tough to always appreciate, you have to make yourself do it sometimes.

Great post. Ole Joe is a lucky dood.

Kira said...

Joe IS a great guy who does a lot, and that's why I know if you HAD called him before you left work and asked him to thaw out the chicken and chop an onion while you stopped at the store to pick up X, he'd have done it with a smile on his face. I think THAT'S what makes him a great guy--it's not all that he does, it's all that he WOULD do if you but asked or let him know it was a need. When you stop bleeding, decide if it's a need or the grumpies, and then launch the convo if necessary. Certainly he understands the concept that the more he helps out with you getting all that done, the quicker you can get to screwing ;)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Heyllo April!

THanks for linking Real World... it's crazy, but sometimes that Sage actually makes sense ... and good sense at that!!! Boggles my mind!

Anyway, I love the twist you put on this... and it's so true, I am always like, "As long as you appreciate it I'm good"... but I find out that I'm more selfish then I'd like!

My guy does A LOT for me... I need to remember that when I'm feeling the WHOA is me bug! :)

autumn said...

it's so easy to fall into patterns of not appreciating the little things. as you say though, you caught yourself and thought about the good points rather quickly.

i agree with you on your basic points in regards to your personal needs. i have told men the same thing. if i feel unappreciated for a long period of time and have made myself clear with no response, i will most certainly lose interest. communication is key and it's nice to know that you've found someone who makes you so happy. :)