My co-worker, P, has a 21 y/o daughter who is completely irresponsible and makes the worst decisions she possibly can. Ok, so maybe there could be some worse decisions, but you get the point. Now, I'm not judging her daughter because she is young and we've all made poor decisions. What I'm questioning is the parental involvement.
P's daughter went to college in NC. She moved down there, met a guy, and moved in with him. She spent tens of thousands of dollars of her student loan money on flat screen t.v.'s, furniture, trips, clothes, pretty much anything she wanted. She ended up cheating on the guy and he kicked her out, not letting her take any of the things she bought. She never did finish college and now owes 96k in student loans. Her parents co-signed on 2 new cars, one for him and one for her. He still has his car and is defaulting on the loan. Her mom got a joint credit card with both her and her daughter's names on the card for her to use in case of emergencies while away in college. She has now completely maxed out that card and is unable to pay the monthly payments because she doesn't have a job. Oh, and she's now pregnant by her boyfriend of 6 months who she's been living with since 4 months ago.
P is constantly giving her money and pays her car payments and car insurance. And it's not like she appreciates it either. She's constantly yelling at her mom, putting her down, and making her feel horrible. Every single time P gets off the phone with her, she's practically in tears and completely stressed out. I'm seriously waiting for her to have a nervous break down.
I keep telling her that she needs to cut her off and let her do things on her own. I understand that as a parent, we need to be there for our children and help them when they're in need. But her daughter takes it to the extreme and completely takes for granted all of the things her parents do and have done for her. She expects them to bail her out, therefore she hasn't learned how to be responsible. She's not responsible with money, with property, or with her life.
I'd like to think that my son would never do these things when he grows up and that he'll be respectful to me and that I'll teach him responsibility. I know that at 15, I was more responsible than this girl is at 21, but I was raised differently. I can sit here and say that P should do this or P should do that because that's what I'd do if I were her, but I just don't know.
So my question is, at what point do you stop and let your kids fall? At what point do you let them make mistakes and learn from them rather than fix them and allow them to keep making the same ones over and over and over again? When do you say no? What do you guys think you would do in this situation? I know some of you don't have kids, but you can still give an opinion.
Deep Throat of the Day: I wish they came with instructions.