Friday, October 09, 2009


The past couple of days I've been having a problem. What's the problem you ask? Severe, oh my god I want to rip off my head, headaches. The worst headaches I've ever had in my entire life. Far worse than any migraine I've ever had. What's causing these headaches? Orgasms. That's right, orgasms. Now I'm sure that you can see my dilemma since I'm pretty used to having at least one orgasm a day.

So I did what all doctors hate patients doing, I looked to the internet. Apparently sex headaches aren't too uncommon. But given the sudden and severe nature of my headaches, the internet advised me to seek medical attention immediately. Why? Because I might be HEMORRHAGING in my fucking BRAIN! When my first headache hit I said that I felt like I was having an aneurysm, if I could imagine what an aneurysm felt like. Turns out the internet said that might just be close to what's happening.

I've made an appointment to see my doctor but they couldn't get me in until Tuesday. I called yesterday around 4:00 pm to make the appointment. Here's how the conversation with the girl making the appointment went.

Girl: Blah Blah blah, how can I help you?
Me: Hi, my name is April and I'd like to make an appointment.
Girl: Ok, why do you need to come in?
Me: Over the past few days I've been having the most severe headaches I've ever had.
Girl: Is your vision blurry, your hearing affected, or do you get dizzy?
Me: No, not at all.
Girl: Ok, do you know what might be causing them?
Me: Yes.
Girl: .........
Me: Ok, I know you guys hear a lot of weird shit so you're probably not going to be as embarrassed as I am when I tell you that they're caused from having orgasms.
Girl: haha, ok. Do they last during the whole time or do they go away quickly, how long do they last?
Me: The first one the other day only lasted about 10 minutes, but this one today lasted about 30.
Her: Are you still having the headache right now?
Me: No, I went home for lunch about noon and masturbated. It hit me immediately when I started.
Her: Ok, the soonest I can get you in is on Tuesday.
Me: Um, I guess I'll take it but these headaches are putting a serious dent in my sex life and going 'til Tuesday is too long of a time to go without.
Her: Ha ha ha. Ok, I'll call you if we have a cancellation between now and then.
Me: Thanks a bunch!

So now when I walk in, I'm going to be THAT girl. You know, the one who's getting headaches from orgasms. The one who's going home on her lunch break to masturbate.

Please throw some love my way that this is nothing serious and that it will go away. I don't want to be hemorrhaging from my fucking brain and potentially die! And if it's not serious I cannot be having these damn monster headaches every single time I want to get my groove on. I will go ape shit if that happens. UGH!!!!

Deep Throat of the Day: Day one sans orgasm. This is going to be FOREVER!


Grant said...

If I throw some love your way it may cause another orgasm, which could apparently kill you. Fortunately, that's one ailment that will never affect me. So, instead, I'll throw some hate your way.


You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you re doing it wrong! I should study the method you re getting to orgasm and then I would be more able to diagnose what the problem is! I just ordered white cot to be shipped to your house, it will be there same time s me in the mornin, so be sure the boy and man rent in the house, this could take ll weekend!

Hope it is nothing big!

R said...

Joe is a lucky man.

hotdrwife said...

Dang, girl!!

Anonymous said...

I feel for you! This has happened to me once or twice, but never in increasing severity. Hope all turns out well. Have you changed anything else in your life lately? Food, drinks, soap, medication, perfumes, deodorants - other things besides orgasms might be to blame.



Barefoot Dreamer said...

As absolutely funny as this is, it is also horrible! I hope all is well...and that -well- you aren't banned from sex.

Anonymous said...

I hope they find out what is going on, but in the mean time, it would probably be best NOT to read things on the internet. I've scared the crap out of myself that way only to find out there was nothing at all to worry over.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OH that is horrible. I'm sorry I laughed cause it wasn't funny, except the way you wrote it WAS a little funny, but having headaches during orgasms is serious. Sorry girl. Hope all turns out well.