Yesterday I was sitting in a sports bar with Joe, watching my Packers whooping ass, when I received a text message from my BFF in Florida. "Hey everyone! Paige is now a young lady!" I'm sure you can all deduce that she just announced to lord knows how many people that her 12 y/o daughter has started her period. Why would you do that?
I started my period when I was younger than Paige and I remember that my dad told all of his buddies and every member of our family whose phone number he had written down. I was mortified. A girl having her period is not big news that you need to share with everyone with ears. (or eyes in my case) And what is the person the parent has told supposed to say? Congratulations? I'm sorry? Good for you for beginning the wonderful joy of sore boobs, cramps, and bitchiness once a month? Is she throwing a party complete with invitations that have an animated tampon named Plug on the front? Will the theme song be "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" by Britney Spears? Is that person supposed to send Midol or maxipads all wrapped up in wrapping paper with a pretty bow? Does Hallmark make cards for this situation? If you've seen the "I'm So Happy You're Bleeding From Your Crotch" card section, please let me know.
I thought that my dad told everyone because he's a man and didn't understand how embarrassing it was for him to have told EVERYONE he knew. But then here comes my BFF with a mass text blurting out that her daughter is bleeding. I thought to myself, "You're a woman! Why would you do that? She is only 12 and doesn't even know her own body and here you are telling everyone what her body is doing!" I was embarrassed for her.
So this is a PSA for all of you parents out there with young daughters: When your daughter gets her first visit from Aunt Flo, don't announce it to your friends and family.
Deep Throat of the Day: Maybe I should've told BFF, "Congrats. Now you can technically become a grandma!"