Monday, October 19, 2009

Silly BFF say what?

Yesterday I was sitting in a sports bar with Joe, watching my Packers whooping ass, when I received a text message from my BFF in Florida. "Hey everyone! Paige is now a young lady!" I'm sure you can all deduce that she just announced to lord knows how many people that her 12 y/o daughter has started her period. Why would you do that?

I started my period when I was younger than Paige and I remember that my dad told all of his buddies and every member of our family whose phone number he had written down. I was mortified. A girl having her period is not big news that you need to share with everyone with ears. (or eyes in my case) And what is the person the parent has told supposed to say? Congratulations? I'm sorry? Good for you for beginning the wonderful joy of sore boobs, cramps, and bitchiness once a month? Is she throwing a party complete with invitations that have an animated tampon named Plug on the front? Will the theme song be "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" by Britney Spears? Is that person supposed to send Midol or maxipads all wrapped up in wrapping paper with a pretty bow? Does Hallmark make cards for this situation? If you've seen the "I'm So Happy You're Bleeding From Your Crotch" card section, please let me know.

I thought that my dad told everyone because he's a man and didn't understand how embarrassing it was for him to have told EVERYONE he knew. But then here comes my BFF with a mass text blurting out that her daughter is bleeding. I thought to myself, "You're a woman! Why would you do that? She is only 12 and doesn't even know her own body and here you are telling everyone what her body is doing!" I was embarrassed for her.

So this is a PSA for all of you parents out there with young daughters: When your daughter gets her first visit from Aunt Flo, don't announce it to your friends and family.

Deep Throat of the Day: Maybe I should've told BFF, "Congrats. Now you can technically become a grandma!"


Grant said...

This is the best card I could find.

Hubman said...

What is it with people? I don't want to know when MY daughter gets her first period (I'll let Veronica handle that, thankyouverymuch), much less someone else's daughter!

Profligacy said...

What does it suggest about people that the start of a man's ejaculate is not the cause for excitement. Is it because masturbation is so shameful? When I was that age i could of told you the hour it started :) Is it because a fertile woman is a prize for men to compete for?

Teenagers are so easiliy embarassed too. I can remember many coworkers and family members anouncing the period. Never could figure that out. Parental pride maybe?

Advizor said...

My daughter is in a waiting mode for her first period. her friends have all started and so we've had "the talk" several times so she's well prepared.

But, I've been told that it is NOT to be discussed outside the family. That is my daughter's news to spread, not mine.

But, I did like your ideas for a greeting card line.... LOL

Jim McKee said...

This seems slightly related... very funny... but NOT SAFE FOR WORK and NOT SAFE FOR CHILDREN.

Louis CK

hotdrwife said...

I was JUST telling a friend yesterday about my mom when I got mine. She made us both wear these dumb butterfly pins symoblizing, I guess, "Womanhood" and wear them to CHURCH. Jeeeesus.

The Soviet said...

good god.

f1trey said...

egaaads! yeah im glad the old man didnt spill my first self service to the public....

Dewey's System said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one. My brother and his wife did the same idiotic thing when my niece went through puberty. All I could say was why?? Duh. That's her private business.

I have daughters too and we're not in the business of pimping out their biological information.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if your friend was trying to help her daughter embrace the idea that being a woman, with all of it's biologically fun experiences, is a glorious know, to celebrate this "rite of passage," and to help her girl accept and love her body and not feel shame about things like periods and breasts?

Don't get me wrong -- I was mortified, too, when my dad found out I'd started my period and talked about it. But my dad and step-mom was sadistic assholes and shamed me for bleeding and made inappropriate comments about not becoming a whore or getting knocked up. For our generation, I think, periods were fraught with secrecy and shame, billed as dirty and gross and something to be embarrassed about.

I know that I have a much more body-positive, biology-positive relationship with my kids (2 girls, 1 boy), and that I have worked hard to make sure I didn't treat their normal body changes and functions as something strange or weird or embarrassing. I know some women who have "moon parties" for their daughters upon the beginning of menstruation, to celebrate and welcome her into womanhood with other important females in the young woman's life. I also know of moms who take their daughter's out to dinner or a girls-only lunch to celebrate the onset of puberty.

While I don't think I'd ever be sending out a group text to my entire contact list when Miss Understood starts her period, I can understand your BFF's desire to share the information with you, her BFF, and possibly other women to whom she and her girl are close. Were you able to see the rest of the contact list? I mean, did she send it to everyone, or did she send it to a select few -- close girl friends, sisters/aunts, grandmothers?

Sorry -- I have a hard time writing short comments, as you can see. lol

April said...

Dharma: First and foremost, I'm sorry that your father and stepmother treated you that way. I know it's not my fault and I don't need to apologize, but it's my way of showing sympathy for what you endured.

I see what you're saying and I agree that we should teach our children not to feel ashamed, but I don't think that broadcasting it to our female friends/family members is the way to go about it. I honestly don't know who she sent the text to. I just know it said, "Hey everyone..." so I assumed it was more than a few.

I believe that how parents approach these types of subjects should be discussed with the child. She should ask her daughter if it's OK for her to send out a mass text, informing everyone that her menses started. Ask her daughter if she wants have a small dinner with close friends and family or a small party. The children should decide how they want the information about their bodies distributed.

I don't know if my BFF asked her daughter, and maybe this post seemed a little harsh. But I was immediately brought back to the embarrassment I felt when my dad told all of his male coworkers, my grandparents, aunts and uncles that I had started my period. It was a personal thing that happened to me. I told my dad in confidence.

Basically, I feel that you can have a private discussion with your daughter and express that there's no need to feel shame.

And see, there's nothing wrong with long comments!! =)

Thanks for stopping by.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely agree that the treatment of such personal information should be the daughter's choice.

And if the kid requests the information be kept in confidence, then it would be wildly inappropriate for any parent to break that confidence, especially via text message to a number of people. Perhaps if she shared the info with you during a telephone call, discussing her feelings about the event as a mom, etc. it might not have caught you so bewildered.

April said...

I think you're right. It might have been different via conversation rather than text. See, this is why you're my future wife!! hee hee.