Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Expectations: Men vs. Women

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given was: Never expect anything because you'll only set yourself up for disappointment. Now, of course that advice doesn't apply to everything because sometimes expectations are needed. But sometimes in relationships that advice is true.

Ladies, have you ever played out a scenario in your head only to have it not go as planned? Or have you ever expected a certain reaction to something and got a completely different reaction? In either situation did you find yourself disappointed or maybe even upset with your significant other? Maybe not ALL women do this, but a lot of women I know do, including myself sometimes.

The reason why that piece of advice seems to ring true in many cases is because a situation gets blown up like a gigantic balloon in our heads. We usually keep it to ourselves or share it with our girlfriends and when it doesn't go as planned, that balloon gets blown up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghost Busters. The situation may not have gone wrong, but it didn't go EXACTLY as you had planned it in your head.

The problem with doing this is that the other person isn't a mind reader. He doesn't know what your expectations are. And you're certainly NOT going to tell him, because you want his genuine reaction. The reaction wouldn't be genuine if you TOLD him what you were planning in your head, right? But then if his genuine reaction is even slightly less or completely different than what you'd expected, you're disappointed and possibly even mad at him.

I don't know why, but it seems that this is only true for women. If men do this, I've not come across one who has admitted it.

So tell me guys, do you do this or do your s/o's do this? And ladies, feel free to add to this discussion as well.

Deep Throat of the Day: BLAH!

11 comments:

Southern Sage said...

Expectation is the mother of disappointment.

I try my damndest to never expect. I always try to stay even and think rationally, not hope and wish and such.

If you expect the 100% best outcome all you can possibly be is correct or let down. If you expect a rational outcome you can actually be surprised at the outcome being better than expected.

Anyway, I think its a girl thing.

f1trey said...

I believe you.....and NO we do not do that......at least not that i know of...... I might act a certain way and get a feel of how her reaction is but...not a specific scenario......

f1trey said...

I believe you.....and NO we do not do that......at least not that i know of...... I might act a certain way and get a feel of how her reaction is but...not a specific scenario......

Jim McKee said...

I think women tend to overthink most relationship-related stuff (although who could blame ya, men are notoriously bad when it comes to relationship communications).

R said...

I do it all the time, but don't look to me for advice about what guys think. Obviously. I overthink everything. You described me to a "t" right there.

Lori said...

I am a woman and I am guilty of doing that. Usually when i wear new lingerie or go out of my way to cook something special. the boyfriend comes home and isnt as bowled over with as much excitement as I expected and it kinda bums me out a bit but then I make an effort not to get salty about it. Funny thing is my bf has gotten a bit upset when i don't react as he expected but nothing a few kisses didnt cure

Britni TheVadgeWig said...

My best friend just happens to be a guy that I call either a) Debbie Downer or b) Eeyore.

If things do not go EXACTLY as he had planned them in his head, or if the group decides to do something other than what he had wanted to do, then he pouts the entire night. I make fun of him for it, and tell him to buck up and stop pouting, but he really does this. And holds grudges about it, too.

I tell him all the time that he's a girl.

Andrea said...

I'm guilty as all hell for having expectations and then getting all bent out of shape when they are not met. By my friends. By my more than friends. So, I'm told "we don't know what to do if you don't explain what it is you expect."

So...I tell them. In full detail what I'm looking for in certain situations.

They still don't do it.

I dunno.

However, I do know that SOME men do this, as Britni explained. My ex-husband, for one.

Randi said...

I think I have finally learned my lesson to not expect anything. I mean, sure, deep down you can't help but expect a certain reaction but in real life you'll likely not get it.
Like, I expected Husband to cry when he saw me walking toward him on our wedding day but nope. He didn't.

~Kenny said...

When I was married I started to do this a lot and it was awful cuz it NEVER went the way I had planned...never. Now that I am single and simply fucking clueless I do this less and less. I pretty much shoot for the lowest expectation now and anything that hits above that is like bonusville...seriously..sad but true

Eva said...

Women seem to have the attitude that we are 'owed' things. Or that we 'deserve' things that aren't necessarily a realistic or instinctive response. I mean, its nice to be the receiver of both, but would you be more concerned if the flowers or the erections stopped happening? I know what I'd prefer. Hint: it doesn't feature on any coat of arms.