Thursday, December 10, 2009

Shitty Day Already

Our dog, Missy, somehow cut her leg wide open last Friday evening. She's stitched up with a splint and is not supposed to be active. Because we need to make sure that she's staying put, we're letting her sleep in bed with us. Last night she was on Joe's side of the bed, on top of the covers. This caused me to have to fight ALL NIGHT LONG for the blanket.

I woke up for the millionth time 15 minutes before the alarm went off and said, "Fuck it!" I crawled over Joe and felt something cold, wet and mushy on my leg. I jumped (on one leg) out of bed and said, "OH HELL NO!" as I frantically searched for the light switch. Joe jumped up and said, "What?" I turned on the light to find 2 big piles of brown dog vomit. That vomit was all over my leg. That vomit seeped through the comforter and sheets, all the way into the mattress pad. Fucking.gross!

Then I had my annual appointment with the coochie doctor. Since I moved about a year ago, I needed to find a new doctor. I'm in the stirrups, trying to be a cool cucumber, but all you ladies know that's a facade. He's doing my digital vaginal exam when he pulls out, has the nurse squirt more lube on his fingers, and then tells me he's going to give me a rectal exam AS HE'S STICKING HIS FINGER IN MY ASS! SURPRISE!!! Now, it's not the practice of all GYN's to do rectal exams. I have been to several and have never had this done. However, it's not uncommon either. Especially not for this guy.

After having my boobs played with, and the holes of my nether regions violated, I walked out to my car. What did I find? A big ass dent on the rear driver's side door. Hit and fucking run! Thankfully there was a note stuck in my wiper of a good samaritan. She gave a description of the van along with the plate number and the company's name and phone number. That's right, it was a company vehicle. Dumbass.

I immediately called the company and told them what happened. They verified that the driver was at my location and said they'd take care of it. I'm supposed to send them 2 estimates today. I've faxed them a request for written confirmation of our phone conversation in which the guy said they'd pay for the damages. Hopefully they'll honor their word rather than dick me over.

All of this happened before 11:00 a.m.

What a fucking day, huh?

But I suppose it could be worse. I could've gotten eaten alive by a pack of wild chimpanzees.

Deep Throat of the Day: You gotta prep the butt for entry.

31 comments:

Grant said...

You're lucky. I usually have to pay extra for anal.

Currently I'm looking for a new doc because none of my current ones will give me another prescription of insulin without scheduling an unneeded appointment with them. I wonder if I should just lawyer up and see if the courts can force them to give me a refill.

Randi said...

It comes in threes right? At least it can't get any worse... I hope...

Bob said...

Prep for anal . . . yeah I know about that one....your friendly physician hates finding a stash of fudge during his/her exploration of the Hersey Highway. I won't go into details.

BTW: Your new coochie doc sounds like a pervert. I mean, this guy thoroughly checked you out when coochie was his game. That's like a dentist feeling your tits before, during and after he drills on your teeth just to make certain they're there. Me? I go for female physicians. You can guess why.

Good luck with the dent (the company should pay for your time and gas to get the estimates plus the inconvenience caused by their douche bag employee), the sick dog and removing all of the KY from each of your orifices. How fun to be female......

Hubman said...

All before 10am? I hope your day got better from there.

Your deep throat of the day never fails to put a smile on my face, for some twisted reason...

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~Kenny said...

What the Chinese dude said! ^ hahaha
Seriously reading about your day made me feel better about my day. That company should take care of you because otherwise you could totally file charges against the driver. That is a crime. I am thinking though if I am a gyno why not round the bases! Seriously though that whole back door thing isn't fun for guys either. Well most guys....

Joker_SATX said...

Nope...you have me beat...On just about every level too!

f1trey said...

y...eah...im stalling a trip to the proctologist.....

f1trey said...

y...eah...im stalling a trip to the proctologist.....

R said...

You always make me laugh. Thanks for that.

hotdrwife said...

Rectal what? Oh hells no.

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sqweakygurl said...

You know, i've had some pretty fucked day's but that just sucks all around, I'm sorry and BTW i have never heard of ponani practitioner who did rectal examines either? odd..

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I second what Amberly said!

Southern Sage said...

sounds like a shitty day (anal exam pun definately intended).

Well I was gonna mail you yesterday and make sure u were ok. dang girl give us an update every 30 days or so! I called the Va national guard and told em to call off the search for the sexy one legged chick!

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