Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Nosy Bastard & Your Mom's a Stripper

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, Monday was our (me & Joe) anniversary. Joe had a beautiful bouquet of flowers with an "I Love You" balloon delivered to my job. Unfortunately, I wasn't at work. Why? Because someone brought her sick kid into work who got one coworker sick and then another and now me. Which is exactly why you DON'T BRING YOUR FUCKING SICK KID, SNEEZING AND COUGHING ALL OVER THE PLACE, TO YOUR FUCKING JOB! But I digress.

Apparently, these flowers caused a bit of fuss around the office. See, I somewhat go by 2 different last names. My I.D. and social security card have my married name, even though I'm divorced, but that's a long story. So for work purposes and all other legal purposes, I use that last name. But for everything else, I use my maiden name.

So Joe sent the flowers under my maiden name which is not the name I use at work. But honestly, it's not too hard to figure that they were for me. It was addressed to the company I work for, to my attention. And I'm the only April who works here. Apparently, my boss was so curious to know what the card said that he told the girls that he needed to read the card to see if they were really for me. They all told him NO and then took the flowers from him an put them on my desk.

He then started making comments, "Why would Joe send her flowers to work if he knows she's at home sick?" The girls explained to him that he probably ordered them last week when he obviously wouldn't have known that I would be sick on Monday.

Do you know what he did? He snuck into my office and READ THE FUCKING CARD! At which point he came out and told the girls that he was going to bring the flowers to me at my home. They were furious with him and jumped his shit. Thankfully they convinced him to not bring them to me.

Yesterday when I got here, I asked him why he read my card. His reply, "If I owe you an apology, you should know that I only read the card to determine if you needed to have them right away." WHAT THE FUCK? Who NEEDS flowers right away? I said, "First of all, no one needs flowers right away. Second, if that was your attempt at an apology, it was piss poor. And lastly, what if that card said something personal inside like 'After 2 years I'm finally ready to try butt sex' or something else sexual? It was none of your business and you had no right to read it!" I think the butt sex comment did him in because he just walked away.

In other news, Ethan had a friend spend the night last night. Apparently his mom had to work late. This morning on the way to drop them off at school, I asked the boy what his mom does for work. He said, "Uhhhhhh. Ummmmmmm. (long pause) I don't really know." I said, "Well does she work for the government or in some kind of office setting?" Another long pause........"No, I don't really know what she does." Am I the only one who finds it odd that this 12 y/o boy doesn't have a clue what his mom does for work?

Deep Throat of the Day: Things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMMMMM


Grant said...

As a measured response, you should sleep with your boss's wife or girlfriend, post the video on the Internet, steal their car, crash it into a schoolbus, collect the insurance money, and donate that to a terrorist organization that provides free abortions for heterosexual Christian fetuses.

Although I thought the 3rd anniversary is traditionally the anal sex one, so your boss had no real reason to think that would be in the card.

R said...

It took two years for y'all to try butt sex? That's my takeaway from this post. :-)

~Kenny said...

What kind of fucktard boss reads other peoples cards??? That is just goddamn creepy and a violation of your privacy. it almost sounds as if this dude has a thing for you which would make his actions harassment. Or maybe he thinks you you were lying about being sick and is out to get you. Either way it is bullshit especially the coming by your house part unannounced soooooo Inappropriate. I mean what if you were out to get him. You could easily say he came by my house and made sexual advances and even though it is he said/she said he would be screwed by the fact he went to your house....ok so back to the butt sex topic ;-p

April said...

Very odd, on the boss thing and the kid thing. HMMMMMMM

Randi said...

I'm pretty sure I would have shot my boss.
Congratulations on 2 yrs! ♥

Kira said...

Alex never knew what his mom did for a living. Not even as an adult. She refused to tell him or her two other kids. All they knew was it was part time and she didn't have to go to work until 2p. I pieced together some of the stuff he told me, his sister told me, and his brother told me. Then I came up with the answer, which one night when really drunk she confessed was the truth, but then when she sobered up she claimed she was "just kidding." It's not stripper, but it's close! I'm sure you can figure it out by now too ;)

Southern Sage said...

Go in your bosses office when he aint there and plunder thru his shit in case he needs something at home he might have forgot!

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Kate said...

OH my God where to start? First someone bringing their sick kid to work so make everyone else sick astounds me. They clearly have never learnt to consider others. Second the boss madness - I can't believe he would be so nosy - he obviously just wanted to know who they were from. You should get some delivered to you from his wife that would teach the nosy git.

Kate xx

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