Last night Ethan and I were riding in the car together. He started asking me about getting his ears tapered.
Ethan: "Mom, when can I get my ears tapered?"
Me: "Tapered? Is that the big earrings that stretch your ear lobes?
Me: "Why do you want to do that?"
Ethan: "Because it looks cool."
Me: "It does look kinda cool, but it's really just not a good idea."
Ethan: "Ok. But when can I get it done?"
Me: "Well, by the time you're allowed to get that done, hopefully you'll have changed your mind."
Ethan: "But when will that time be?"
Me: "When you're 18."
Ethan: "Why? You let me get my ear pierced!"
Me: "Ethan, do you understand that will cause you to have big, gaping holes in your ears which will never close up on their own like a regular ear piercing hole does?"
Me: "Say you get that done. Then you grow up, become a mature adult, and realize that you don't really care for them anymore and you take them out. Do you know how silly you'll look when you're 50 and you have big, gaping holes on the sides of your head?" (I stand corrected. According to a few commenters, if done right, the big, gaping holes close up. I thought it was like this because a friend of mine now has a big, gaping hole. He never mentioned that it was done incorrectly. That's what I get for assuming, right?)
Ethan: "But YOU have big, gaping holes!"
The conversation stopped abruptly because I wanted to burst out laughing but had to keep it to myself. I didn't want my son questioning me about why I was laughing. How do you explain to your son that your mind was in the gutter when made that statement? Even better, how do you not gross him out when trying to explain why you were laughing? I could only imagine how that would go..."Well, ummm, you see, even though it's not nice, sometimes people jokingly refer vaginas as..." He'll interrupt, "VAGINAS? WHAT?" "Ummmm, well.." Then his preteen mind will start putting it all together, "OH MOM! THAT'S SICK!!!!" Yeah, that wouldn't go over so well.
For the record, I do NOT have ANY holes on my body that could be considered big or gaping thankyouveryfuckingmuch!
I have had my ears pierced for quite some time. Having worn my fair share of heavy earrings has caused my earring holes to be *slightly* stretched. But they're absolutely NOTHING compared to this:
Deep Throat of the Day: I walked right into that one, didn't I?