Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Get'r done!

Today is a HUGE day....it's VOTING DAY! In my opinion today is more important than the presidential election so get your asses out there and vote!! (I'm also of the opinion that this is the most important election of my adult life, but I digress.) Your vote DOES count so let your voice be heard.


What do you do when there are 2 kids in your neighborhood who you don't particularly care for and don't really want your child hanging around? Both of these kids have parents who NEVER discipline them. One kid, J, lives with his dad, which is fine, but his dad allows the kids to do whatever they want, whenever they want, when they're at his house. J yells at his dad like I've never heard a child yell at a parent before. He is always yelling at Ethan and demanding that he do what J wants to do when J wants to do it.

I have talked to Ethan about how J treats him and told him that's not how a friend is supposed to act. Several times I have reluctantly let Ethan spend the night at J's house and when I did, his dad made Ethan bring his own food and drinks. (who does that?) But when I found out that one night during a sleep over, J's dad allowed the boys to play outside well after midnight, I stopped letting Ethan stay at his house. I recently stopped letting Ethan play at J's house all together because his dad is hardly ever home and when he is, he allows the kids to do whatever they want. He can still play with J, just not at his house. I do not trust his dad one bit.

The other boy, N, has a mother who has told me, "N has been through so much in his life that it's to the point where I feel bad if I ground him or discipline him. I feel that talking to him when he does something wrong really works." Yeah, well, it's not working. She even had the nerve to tell me that she thinks I ground Ethan too much. This kid initiates violence all the time. Ethan is taught not to hit and he'll take several hits from this kid before he snaps and hits him back. As soon as he does, the kid goes crying him to his mom and then I get a phone call. And of course he doesn't tell his mom that he had hit Ethan 10-11 times before Ethan hit him once. I've told Ethan that the first time N hits him, walk away, leave or come home. Ethan complains that if he did that every time N hit him, he'd never get to play with his other friends.

Therein lies the other problem. There's only a handful of kids who are Ethan's age in our neighborhood. They're all friends and they're always playing together. Literally, there are 4 boys, J and N being 2 of them. So when an incident happens, it's not like there's another friend Ethan can hang out with because they're all usually at one of the kids houses. It's funny, though, when they're all at my house there's never an incident. NEVER. I've tried getting them to all hang out at my house more often but they like playing at different houses for various reasons.

I'm certainly not saying Ethan is a saint. I know he does his fair share, however, he gets in trouble for the things he does. He knows there are consequences for his actions, while N and J have none. Ethan also sees that he gets in trouble while N and J do not, which makes it harder for me. I have to explain to him that just because J and N do not get in trouble doesn't mean he shouldn't. I told him that I am not their parents therefore I'm not responsible for what they do.

So I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell Ethan that he can't play with N and J although that's how I really feel. I believe that these kids are the way they are because their parents allow them to be that way; and it's not fair to punish the kids because their parents are shitty, is it? It's not like I can talk to their parents about what's going on because they don't give a shit and it wouldn't help. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Am I overreacting?

Deep Throat of the Day: Get your vote on!


Grant said...

Go ask Kira what to do. Posts like this just remind me how happy I am to not have children.

~Kenny said...

Really April there are only two choices here.

1) Make your home more available. If nothing happens at your house then make it the place where they can always hang out. Exhausting I am sure, but a worthwhile an investment to keep an eye on things and lay down the law.

2) If option 1 isn't a possibility then just stop worrying about N and J and focus on Ethan. If you raise him up right he will make the right decisions when the time comes, and he will see for himself eventually that N and J are no good.

Other than that and considering the situation there not much else you can do short of moving away

Christine said...

I think if you tell him not to hang out with these kids, he'll want to hang out with them even more. My boss has a couple teenage boys, and he outfitted the basement with a Wii and a guitar and a fridge with sodas in it & now all the kids are at his house. I know it's not cheap, but maybe there's something "cool" you can have at your house that makes them all want to hang out there?
Good luck, tho - sounds like those kids need some discipline!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I agree. This was a very important election!

Kids playing outside after midnight? Not cool!

Randi said...

I second Christine. Whenever my mom tried to tell me who not to hang out with, I always wanted to hang out with them more. Eventually, everyone just kicked it at my house because we had a pool table and a room where we were allowed some privacy to hang out.

Jim said...

I don't think you're over-reacting at all. It's just frustrating that the poor parenting doesn't occur to these people, and we all have to dance around the issues until there's a serious problem.